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their sleep every thing that passes in their imagination. I left the apartment of this female rake, and went into her neighbour's, where there lay a male coquette. He had a bottle of falts hanging over his head, and upon the table by his bed-side Suckling's Poems, with a little heap of black patches on it. His fnuff-box was within reach on a chair : but while I was admiring the disposition which he made of the several parts of his dress, bis slumber seemed interrupted by a pang that was accompanied by a sudden oath, as he turned himself over haftily in his bed. I did not care for seeing him in his nocturnal pains, and left the
I was no sooner got into another bed-chamber, but I heard very
harsh words uttered in a smooth uniform tone. I was amazed to hear so great a volubility in reproach, and thought it too coherent to be spoken by one asleep ; but upon looking nearer, I saw the head-dress of the person who spoke, which shewed her to be a female, with a man lying by her side broad awake, and as quiet as a lamb.' I could not but admire his exemplary patience, and discovered by his whole behaviour, that he was then lying under the discipline of a curtain-lecture.
I was entertained in many other places with this kind of nocturnal eloquence, but observed that most of those whom I found awake, were kept fo either by envy or by love. Some of these were fighing, and others cursing, in soliloquy; some hugged their pillows, and others gnashed their teeth.
The covetous I likewise found to be a very wakeful people. I happened to come into a room where one of them lay fick. His physician and his wife were in close whisper near his bed-lide. f overheard the doctor fay to the poor gentle woman, he cannot possibly live until five in the morning. She received it like the mistress of a family prepared for all events. At the same instant came in a servant maid, who said, Madam, the undertaker is below according to your order. The words were scarce out of her mouth, when the fick man cried out with a feeble voice, Pray, doctor, how went bank-stock to-day at 'Change? This melancholy object made me too serious
for diverting myself further this way: but as I was going home, I saw a light in a garret, and entering into it, heard a voice crying, And, hand, stand, band, fanned, tanned.' I concluded him by this, and the furniture of his room, to be a lunatic ; but upon listening a little longer, perceive ed it was a poet writing an heroic upon the ensuing peace.
It was now towards morning, an hour when spirits, witches, and conjurers, are obliged to retire to their own apartments, and feeling the influence of it, I was haftening home, when I saw a man had got half way into a neighbour's house. I immediately called to him, and turning my ring, appeared in my proper person. There is something magisterial in the aspect of the Bickerstaffs, which made him
run away in confusion. As I took a turn or two in my own lodging, I was thinking that, old as I was, I need not go to bed alone, but that it was in my power to marry the finest lady in this kingdom, if I would wed her with this ring. For what a figure would she that should have it make at a vifit, with so perfect a knowledge as this would give her of all the scandal in the town? But instead of endeavouring to dispose of myself and it in matrimony, I resolved to lend it to my loving friend the author of the Atlantis, to furnilh a new Secret History of Secret Memoirs.
NO. 244. TUESDAY, OCTOBER 31; 1710.
Hor. Ep. 4. lib. 1. ver. 8.
Will's Coffee-house, October 30. It is no easy matter, when people are advancing in any thing, to prevent their going too fast for want of pa
tience. This happens in nothing more frequently than in the prosecution of studies. Hence it is that we meet
crowds who attempt to be eloquent before they can speak. TOOBE: They affect the flowers of rhetoric before they understand percut
the parts of speech. In the ordinary conversation of this town, there are so many who can, as they call it, talk well, that there is not one in twenty that talks to be understood. This proceeds from an ambition to excel, or, as the term is, to shine in company.
The matter is not to make themselves understood, but admired. They come together with a certain emulation, rather than be nevolence. When you fall among such companions, the safe way is to give yourself up, and let the orators declaim
for your esteem, and trouble yourself no further. It is 12 said, that a poet must be born so; but I think it may be
much better said of an orator, especially when we talk of our own town poets and orators; but the town poets are full of rules and laws, the town orators go through thick and thin, and are, forsooth, persons of such eminent natuu ral parts and knowledge of the world, that they despise all men as unexperienced scholaftics who wait for an occa. fion before they speak, or who speak no more than is ne. ceffary. They had half persuaded me to go to the tavern the other night, but that a gentleman whispered me, Pry'thee, Ifaac, go with us, there is Tom Varnish will be there, and he is a fellow that talks as well as any man in England.
I must confess, when a man expresses himself well upon any occafion, and his falling into an account of any subjećt arises from a desire to oblige the company, or from fulness of the circumstance itself, so that his speaking of it at large is occafioned only by the openness of a companion; I say, in such a case as this, it is not only pardonable, but agreeable, when a man takes the discourse to himself; but when you see a fellow watch for opportunities for being copious, it is excessively troublesome. A man that stammers, if he has understanding, is to be attended to with patience and good-nature; but he that speaks more than he needs, has no right to such an indulgence, The man who has a defect in his speech takes pains to
come to you, while a man of weak capacity with Auency
Urbanus is, 1 take it, a man one might live with whole years, and enjoy all the freedom and improvement imaginable, and yet be insensible of a contradiction to you in all the mistakes you can be guilty of. His great goodwill to his friends has produced in him such a general deference in his discourse, that if he differs from you in his sense of any thing, he introduces his own thoughts by fome agreeable circumlocution; or he has often observed such and such a circumstance that made him of another opinion. Again, where another would be apt to say, This I am confident of, I may pretend to judge of this matter as well as any body; Urbanus says, I am verily persuaded, I believe one may
conclude. In a word, there is no man more clear in his thoughts and expressions than he his, or speaks with greater diffidence. You shall hardly find one man of any confideration, but you shall observe one of less consequence, form himself after him. This happens to Urbanus ; but the man who steals from him almost every sentiment he utters in a whole week, disguises the theft by carrying it with a quite different air. Umbratilis knows Urbanus's doubtful way of speaking proceeds from goodnature and good breeding, and not from uncertainty in his opinion. Umbratilis therefore has no more to do but repeat the thoughts of Urbanus in a positive manner, and appear to the undiscerning a wiser man than the person
from whom he borrows : but those who know him can see the servant in his master's habit; and the more he struts, the less do his clothes appear his own.
In conversation, the medium is neither to affect filence or eloquence; not to value our approbation, and to endeavour to excel us who are of your company, are equal injuries. The great enemies therefore to good company, and those who transgress most against the laws of equality, which is the life of it, are, the clown, the wit, and the pedant. A clown, when he has sense, is conscious of his want of education, and with an awkward bluntnefs, hopes to keep himself in countenance, by overthrowing the use of all polite behaviour. He takes advantage of the restraint good-breeding lays upon others not to offend him, to trespass againft them, and is under the man's own shelter while he intrudes upon him. The fellows of this class are very frequent in the repetition of the words, Rough and manly. When these people happen to be by their fortunes of the rank of gentlemen, they defend their other absurdities by an impertinent courage, and, to help out the defect of their behaviour, add their being dangerous to their being disagreeable. This gentleman, though he displeases, professes to do so; and knowing that he dares still go on to do so, is not so painful a companion as he who will please you against your will, and resolves to be a wit.
This man upon all occasions, and whoever he falls in company with, talks in the same circle, and in the same round of chat which he has learned at one of the tables of this coffee-house. As poetry is in itself an elevation above ordinary and common sentiments ; so there is no fop so very near a madman in indifferent company as a poetical one. He is not apprehensive that the generality of the world are intent upon the business of their own fortune and profeffion, and have as little capacity as to enter into matters of ornament or speculation. I remember, at a full table in the city, one of these ubiquitary wits was entertaining the company with a soliloquy, for so I call it when a man talks to those who do not understand him, concerning wit and humour. An honest gentleman who