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my lady Q-p-t-s, I would sue him for scandalum
magnatum. What is the world come to? Must every
body be allowed to’- ? He had by this time filled a
new pipe, and, applying it to his lips, when we ex-
pected the last word of his sentence, put us off with
a whiff of tobacco; which he redoubled with so
much rage and trepidation, that he almost stifled
the whole company. After a short pause, I owned
that I thought the Spectator had gone too far in
writing so many letters of my lady Q-p-t-s's name;
'but, however,' says I, he has made a little amends
for it in his next sentence, where he leaves a blank
space without so much as a consonant to direct us.
I mean,' says I, after those words, "the fleet that
used to be the terror of the ocean, should be wind-
bound for the sake of a" ; after which ensues
a chasm, that in my opinion looks modest enough.'
Sir,' says my antagonist, you may easily know his
meaning by his gaping; I suppose he designs his
chasm, as you call it, for an hole to creep out at,
but I believe it will hardly serve his turn.
Who can
endure to see the great officers of state, the B-y's
and T--t's, treated after so scurrilous a manner?”
'I can't for my life,' says I, imagine who they
are the Spectator means.' No!' says he:-' Your
humble servant, sir!' Upon which he flung himself
back in his chair after a contemptuous manner, and
smiled upon the old lethargic gentleman on his left
hand, who I found was his great admirer. The whig
however had begun to conceive a good-will towards
me, and, seeing my pipe out, very generously of-
fered me the use of his box; but I declined it with
great civility, being obliged to meet a friend about
that time in another quarter of the city.

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At my leaving the coffee-house, I could not forbear reflecting with myself upon that gross tribe of fools who may be termed the over-wise, and upon



the difficulty of writing any thing in this censorious age which a weak head may not construe into private satire and personal reflection.

A man who has a good nose at an inuendo smells treason and sedition in the most innocent words that can be put together, and never sees a vice or folly stigmatised but finds out one or other of his acquaintance pointed at by the writer. I remember an empty pragmatical fellow in the country, who, upon reading over The Whole Duty of Man, had written the names of several persons in the village at the side of every sin which is mentioned by that excellent author; so that he had converted one of the best books in the world into a libel against the 'squire, churchwardens, overseers of the poor, and all other the most considerable persons in the parish. This book, with these extraordinary marginal notes, fell accidentally into the hands of one who had never seen it before; upon which there aro‘e a current report that somebody had written a book against the 'squire and the whole parish.

The minister of the place, having at that time a contro versy with some of his congregation upon the account of his tithes, was under some suspicion of being the author, until the good man set his people right, by showing them that the satirical passages might be applied to several others of two or three neighbouring villages, and that the book was written against all the sinners in England.

N' 569. MONDAY, JULY 19, 1714.

Reges dicuntur multis urgere culullis,

Et torquere mero, quem perspexisse laborent,
An sit amicitia dignus.-

HOR. Ars Poet. ver. 434.

Wise were the kings who never chose a friend
Till with full cups they had unmask'd his soul,
And seen the bottom of his deepest thoughts.

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No vices are so incurable as those which men are apt to glory in. One would wonder how drunkenness should have the good luck to be of this number. Anacharsis, being invited to a match of drinking at Corinth, demanded the prize very humorously, because he was drunk before any of the rest of the company; for,' says he, when we run a race, he who arrives at the goal first is entitled to the reward:' on the contrary, in this thirsty generation, the honour falls upon him who carries off the greatest quantity of liquor, and knocks down the rest of the company. I was the other day with honest Will Funnel, the West Saxon, who was reckoning up how much liquor had passed through him in the last twenty years of his life, which according to his computation, amounted to twenty-three hogsheads of October, four tun of port, half a kilderkin of small beer, nineteen barrels of cyder, and three glasses of champagne; besides which he had assisted at four hun. dred bowls of punch, not to mention sips, drams, and whets without number. I question not but every

reader's memory will suggest to him several ambitious young men who are as vain in this particular as Will Funnel, and can boast of as glorious exploits.

Our modern philosophers observe, that there is a general decay of moisture in the globe of the earth. This they chiefly ascribe to the growth of vegetables, which incorporate into their own substance many fluid bodies that never return again to their former nature: but, with submission, they ought to throw into their account those innumerable rational beings which fetch their nourishment chiefly out of liquids; especially when we consider that men, compared with their fellow creatures, drink much more than comes to their share.

But, however highly this tribe of people may think of themselves, a drunken man is a greater monster than any that is to be found among all the creatures which God has made; as indeed there is no character which appears more despicable and de formed, in the eyes of all rational persons, than that of a drunkard. Bonosus, one of our own countrymen, who was addicted to this vice, having set up for a share in the Roman empire, and being defeated in a great battle, hanged himself. When he was

seen by the army inthis melancholy situation, notwithstanding he had behaved himself very bravely, the common jest was, that the thing they saw hanging upon the tree before them was not a man, but a bottle.

This vice has very fatal effects on the mind, the bo dy, and fortune, of the person who is devoted to it.

In regard to the mind, it first of all discovers every flaw in it. The sober man, by the strength of rea son may keep under and subdue every vice or folly to which he is most inclined; but wine makes every latent seed sprout up in the soul, and show itself; it



gives fury to the passions, and force to those objects which are apt to produce them. When a young fellow complained to an old philosopher that his wife was not handsome, Put less water in your wine,' says the philosopher, and you will quickly make her so.' Wine heightens indifference into love, love into jealousy, and jealousy into madness. It often turns the good natured man into an idiot, and the choleric into an assassin. It gives bitter. ness to resentment, it makes vanity insupportable, and displays every little spot of the soul in its utmost deformity.

Nor does this vice only betray the hidden faults of a man, and show them in the most odious colours, but often occasions faults to which he is not naturally subject. There is more of turn than of truth in a saying of Seneca, that drunkenness does not produce but discover faults. Common experience teaches the contrary. Wine throws a man out of himself, and infuses qualities into the mind which she is a stranger to in her sober moments. The person you converse with after the third bottle, is not the same man who at first sat down at table with you. Upon this maxim is founded one of the prettiest sayings I ever met with, which is ascribed to Publius Syrus, ' Qui ebrium ludificat, lædit absentem: He who jests upon a man that is drunk in. jures the absent.'

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Thus does drunkenness act in a direct contradiction to reason, whose business it is to clear the mind of every vice which is crept into it, and to guard it against all the approaches of any that endeavours to make its entrance. But besides these ill effects which this vice produces in the person who is actually un. der its dominion, it has also a bad influence on the mind even in its sober moments, as it insensibly weakens the understanding, impairs the memory,


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