I had been fwell'd? I fhould have been a mountain

of mummy.

Enter Bardolph.

Now, is the fack brew'd?

Bard. Here's Mrs Quickly, Sir, to speak with you. Fal. Come, let me pour in fome fack to the Tharnes. water; for my belly's as cold as if I had fwallow'd fnow balls, for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman.

Quic. By your leave-I cry your mercy. Give your worship good morrow.

Fal. Take away these challices: go brew me a pottle of fack finely.

Bard. With eggs, Sir?

Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.. How now?

Quic. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from Miftrefs Ford.

Fal. Miftrefs Ford? I have had Ford enough; I was thrown into the Ford; I have my belly full of Ford.

Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they miftook their erection.

Fal. So did I mine, to build on a foolish woman's promife.

Quic. Well, fhe laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to fee it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; fhe defires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I must carry her word quickly; fhe'll make you amends, I war

rant vou.

Fal. Well, I will vifit her; tell her fo, and bid her think what a man is: let her confider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.

Quic. I will tell her.

Fal. Do fo. Between nine and ten, say'st thou?

Quic. Eight and nine, Sir.

Fal. Well, be gone; I will not miss her.
Quic. Peace be with you, Sir.

[Exit.

Fal. I marvel I hear not of Mafter Brook; he fent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, here he comes.

Ford. Blefs you, Sir.

Fal. Now, Mafter Brook, you come to know what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife.

Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my bufinefs. Fal. Mafter Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour the appointed me. Ford. And you sped, Sir?

Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, Master Brook.

Ford. How, Sir, did the change her determination?

Fal. No, Mafter Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual larum of jealoufy, comes me in the inftant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, kifs'd, protested, and, as it were, fpoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his diftemper, and, forfooth, to fearch his houfe for his wife's love.

Ford. What, while you was there?

Fal. While I was there?

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's diftraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.

Ford. A buck-basket?

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul stockings and greasy napkins; that, Mafter Brook, there was the VOL. III. M

rankeft compound of villainous fmell, that ever offended noftril.

Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal. Nay, you fhall hear, Master Brook, what I have fuffer'd, to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their miftrefs, to carry me, in the name of foul cloaths, to Datchet-lane; they took me on their fhoulders, met the jealous knave their mafter in the door, who afk'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths. But mark the fequel, Mafter Brook; I fuffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bellweather; next to be compafs'd, like a good bilbo *, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be ftopt in, like a ftrong diftillation, with ftinking cloaths that fretted in their own greafe: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of that, that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half ftew'd in greafe, like a Dutch difh, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that furge, like a horse fhoe; think of that; hiffing hot; think of that, Mafter Brook.

Ford. In good fadness, Sir, I am sorry that for my fake you have fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.

*A bilbo is a Spanish blade, of which the excellence is flexiblenefs and elasticity. Johnson.

Ford. 'Tis paft eight already, Sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leifure, and you fhall know how 1 fpeed; and the conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu; you fhall have her, Mafter Brook; Mafter Brook, you fhall cuckold Ford. [Exit.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? do I fleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, Master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, Mafter Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my houfe; he cannot 'fcape me; 'tis impoffible he fhould; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, left the devil that guides him fhould aid him, I will fearch impoffible places. Tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, fhall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad. [Exit.

ACT IV.

SCENE I.

Page's Houfe.

Enter Mrs Page, Mrs Quickly, and William.

Mrs Page.

S he at Mr Ford's already, think'st thou?

Is

Quic. Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mrs Ford defires you to come fuddenly.

Mrs Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look where his mafter comes; 'tis a playing-day, I fee.

Enter Evans.

How now, Sir Hugh, no fchool to-day?

Eva. No; Mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play.

Quic. Bleffing on his heart!

Mrs Page. Sir Hugh, my husband fays my fon profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you afk him fome questions in his Accidence.

Eva. Come hither, William-hold up your head,

-come.

Mrs Page. Come on, firrah, hold up your head. Aufwer your mafter, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ? Will. Two.

Quic. Truly I thought there had been one number more, because they fay, od's nouns.

Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is fair, William? Will. Pulcher.

Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, fure.

Eva. You are a very fimplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is lapis, William ?

Will. A ftone.

Eva. And what is a ftone, William?
Will. A pebble.

Eva. No, it is lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.

Will. Lapis.

Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles?

Will. Articles are borrow'd of the pronoun, and be thus declin'd, fingulariter nominativo, hic, hæc,

hoc.

Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: well, what is your accufative cafe? Will. Accufative, hinc.

Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accufative, hung, hang, hog.

Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Eva. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative cafe, William?

Will. O, vocativo, O.

Eva. Remember, William, focative is caret.
Quic. And that's a good root.

Eva. 'Oman, forbear.

Mrs Page. Peace.