them success, or will stir a step, or speak a there being no instrument invented to disword, to favour their pretensions. If they in- cover, at first sight, this unpleasing disposition cur public censure or disgrace, no one will in a person, he, for that purpose, made use of defend or excuse, and many join to aggravate his legs; one of which was remarkably handtheir misconduct, and render them complete- some, the other, by some accident, crooked and ly odious. If these people will not change deformed. If a stranger, at the first interview, this bad habit, and condescend to be pleas- regarded his ugly leg more than his handsome ed with what is pleasing, without fretting one, he doubted him. If he spoke of it, and themselves and others about the contraries, took no notice of the handsome leg, that was it is good for others to avoid an acquaintance sufficient to determine my philosopher to have with them; which is always disagreeable, no further acquaintance with him. Every and sometimes very inconvenient, especially body has not this two-legged instrument; but when one finds oneself entangled in their quar-every one, with a little attention, may observe rels. An old philosophical friend of mine was grown from experience, very cautious in this particular, and carefully avoided any intimacy with such people. He had, like other philosophers, a thermometer, to show him the heat of the weather, and a barometer, to mark when it was likely to prove good or bad; but signs of that carping, fault-finding disposition, and take the same resolution of avoiding the acquaintance of those infected with it. I therefore advise those critical, querulous, discontented, unhappy people, that, if they wish to be respected and beloved by others, and happy in themselves, they should leave off looking at the ugly leg. BAGATELLES. THE BUSY-BODY. No. I. From the American Weekly Mercury, MR. ANDREW BRADFORD,-I design this to acquaint you, that I, who have been one of your courteous readers, have lately entertained some thoughts of setting up for an author myself; not out of the least vanity, I assure you, or desire of showing my parts, but purely for the good of my country. I have often observed with concern, that your Mercury is not always equally enter taining. The delay of ships expected in, and want of fresh advices from Europe, make it frequently very dull; and I find the freezing of our river has the same effect on news as on trade. With more concern I have continually observed the growing vices and follies of my country folk; and though reformation is properly the concern of every man, that is, every one ought to mind one; yet it is true, in this case, that what is everybody's business is nobody's business, and the business is done accordingly. I, therefore, upon mature deliberation, think fit to take nobody's business wholly into my own hands; and, out of zeal for the public good, design to erect myself into a kind of censor morum; purporting with your allowance, to make use of the Weekly Mercury as a vehicle in which my remonstrances shall be conveyed to the world. I am sensible I have in this particular undertaken a very unthankful office, and expect little besides my labour for my pains. Nay, it is probable I may displease a great number of your readers, who will not very well like to pay ten shillings a year for being told of their faults. But as most people delight in the censure, when they themselves are not the objects of it, if any are offended at my exposing their private vices, I promise they shall have the satisfaction, in a very little time, of seeing their good friends and neighbours in the same circumstances. I However, let the fair sex be assured, that shall always treat them and their affairs with the utmost decency and respect. I intend now and then to dedicate a chapter wholly to their service; and if my lectures contribute any way to the embellishment of their minds, and brightning of their understandings, without offending their modesty, I doubt not of having their favour and encouragement. It is certain that no country in the world produces naturally finer spirits than ours, men of genius for every kind of science, and capable of acquiring to perfection every qualification, that is in esteem among mankind. But as few have the advantage of good books, for want of which good conversation is still more scarce, it would doubtless have been very acceptable to your readers, if, instead of an old out-of-date article from Muscovy or Hungary you had entertained them with some well chosen extract from a good author. This I shall sometimes do, when I happen to have nothing of my own to say that I think of more consequence. Sometimes I purpose to deliver lectures of morality or philosophy, and (because I am naturally inclined to be meddling with things that do not concern me) perhaps I may sometimes talk politics. And if I can by any means furnish out a week's entertainment for the public, that will give a rational diversion, and at the same time be instructive to the readers, I shall think my leisure hours well employed: and if you publish this, I hereby invite all ingenious gentlemen and others (that approve of such an undertaking) to my assistance and correspondence. It is like, by this time, you have a curiosi ty to be acquainted with my name and character. As I do not aim at public praise, I design to remain concealed and there are such numbers of our family and relations at this time in the country, that though I have signed my name at full length, I am not under the least apprehension of being discovered by it. My character, indeed, I would favour you with, but that I am cautious of praising myself, lest I should be told my trumpeter's dead; and I cannot find in my heart at present to say any thing to my own disadvantage. It is very common with authors in their first performances, to talk to their readers thus:— 483 If this meets with a suitable reception, or, if this should meet due encouragement, I shall publish hereafter, &c. This only manifests the value they put upon their own writings, since they think to frighten the public into their applause, by threatening, that unless you approve what they have already wrote, they intend never to write again; when perhaps it may not be a pin matter whether they ever do or no. As I have not observed the critics to be more favourable on this account, I shall always avoid saying any thing of the kind; and conclude with telling you, that if you send me a bottle of ink and a quire of paper by the bearer, you may depend upon hearing further from, sir, your humble servant, THE BUSY-BODY. No. II. Feb. 11, 1729. a fellow makes laughing the sole end and purpose of his life, if it is necessary to his constitution, or if he has a great desire of growing suddenly fat, let him eat; let him give public notice where any dull stupid rogues may get a quart of four-penny for being laughed at; but it is barbarously unhandsome when friends meet for the benefit of conversation, and a proper relaxation from business, that one should be the butt of the company, and four men made merry at the cost of the fifth. How different is this character from that of the good-natured gay Eugenius; who never spoke yet but with a design to divert and please; and who was never yet baulked in his intention. Eugenius takes more delight in applying the wit of his friends, than in being admired himself; and if any one of the company is so unfortunate as to be touched a little too nearly, he will make use of some ingenious artifice to turn the edge of ridicule another way, choosing rather to make himself a public jest, than to be at the pain of seeing his friend in confusion. Among the tribe of laughers I reckon the pretty gentlemen that write satires, and carry them about in their pockets, reading them themselves in all companies which they hap pen into; taking advantage of the ill taste of the town, to make themselves famous for a pack of paltry low nonsense, for which they deserve to be kicked, rather than admired, by all who have the least tincture of polite These I take to be the most incorrigi ble of all my readers; nay I suspect they will be squibbing at the Busy-Body himself. However, the only favour he begs of them is, that if they cannot control their overbearing itch for scribbling, let him be attacked in downright biting lyrics; for there is no satire he dreads half so much as an attempt towards a panegyric. All fools have still an itching to deride And fain would be upon the laughing side.-Pope. MONSIEUR ROCHEFOUCAULT tells us somewhere in his memoirs, that the prince of Conde delighted much in ridicule, and used frequently to shut himself up for half a day together in his chamber, with a gentleman that was his favourite, purposely to divert himself with examining what was the foible, or ridiculous side, of every person in the court. That gentleman said afterwards in some company, that nothing appeared to him more ridiculous in any body than this same humourness. in the prince; and I am somewhat inclined to be of this opinion. The general tendency there is among us to this embellishment, (which I fear has too often grossly imposed upon my countrymen, instead of wit,) and the applause it meets with from a rising generation, fill me with fearful apprehensions for the future reputation of my country: a young man of modesty, (which is the most certain indication of large capacities) is hereby discouraged from attempting to make a figure in life: his apprehensions of being outlaughed, will force him to continue in a restless obscurity, without having an opportunity of knowing his own merit himself, or discovering it to the world, rather than venture to expose himself in a place, where a pun or a sneer shall pass for wit, noise for reason, and the strength of the argument be judged by that of the lungs. Among these worthy gentlemen, let us take a view of Ridentius: what a contemptible figure does he make with his train of paltry admirers! this wight shall give himself an hour's diversion with the cock of a man's hat, the heels of his shoes, an unguarded expression in his discourse, or even some personal defect; and the height of his low ambition is to put some one of the company to the blush, who perhaps must pay an equal share of the reckoning with himself. If such No. III. Feb. 18, 1729. Non vultus instantis Tyranni Mente quatit solida, nec auster, Dux inquieti turbidus Adria Nec fulminantis magna Jovis manus-Her. IT is said that the Persians, in their ancient constitution, had public schools, in which virtue was taught as a liberal art or science: and it is certainly of more consequence to a man that he has learned to govern his passions; in spite of temptation, to be just in his dealings; to be temperate in his pleasures, to support himself with fortitude under his misfortunes, to behave with prudence in all his affairs, and in every circumstance of life; I say, it is of much more real advantage to him to be thus qualified, than to be a master of all the arts and sciences in the world besides. Virtue alone is sufficient to make a great The brave do never shun the light: Just are their thoughts and open are their tempers, And heaven and men are judges of their actions.-Rowe. Who would not rather choose, if it were in his choice, to merit the above character, than be the richest, the most learned, or the most powerful man in the province without it? laudable ambition is too commonly misapplied, and often ill applied. Some, to make them selves considerable, pursue learning; others grasp at wealth; some aim at being thought witty; and others are only careful to make the most of a handsome person: but what is wit, or wealth, or form, or learning, when compared with virtue? It is true, we love the handsome, we applaud the learned, and we fear the rich and powerful; but we even worship and adore the virtuous. Nor is it strange; since men of virtue are so rare, so very rare to be found. man glorious and happy. He that is acquaint- | ship, his humility, his honesty and sincerity, ed with Cato, as I am, cannot help thinking his moderation and his loyalty, his piety, his as I do now, and will acknowledge he de- temperance, his love to mankind, his magnaserves the name, without being honoured by nimity, his public spiritedness, and in fine his it. Cato is a man whom fortune has placed consummate virtue, make him justly deserve in the most obscure part of the country. to be esteemed the glory of his country. His circumstances are such as only put him above necessity, without affording him many superfluities: yet who is greater than Cato. I happened but the other day to be at a house in town, where, among others, were met men of the most note in this place; Cato had business with some of them, and knocked at the door. The most trifling actions of a man, in my opinion, as well as the smallest linearments and features of the face, give a nice observer Almost every man has a strong natural desome notion of his mind. Methought he rap- sire of being valued and esteemed by the rest ped in such a peculiar manner, as seemed of his species; but I am concerned and griev of itself to express, there was one who deserved to see how few fall into the right and oned as well as desired admission. He appear- ly infallible method of becoming so. That ed in the plainest country garb; his great coat was coarse, and looked old and threadbare; his linen was homespun; his beard perhaps of seven days' growth; his shoes thick and heavy; and every part of his dress corresponding. Why was this man received with such concurring respect from every person in the room, even from those who had never known him or seen him before? It was not an exquisite form of person or grandeur of dress, that struck us with admiration. I believe long habits of virtue have a sensible effect on the countenance: there was something in the air of his face, that manifested the If we were as industrious to become good, as true greatness of his mind; which likewise to make ourselves great, we should become appeared in all he said, and in every part really great by being good, and the number of his behaviour, obliging us to regard him of valuable men would be much increased; with a kind of veneration. His aspect is but it is a great mistake to think of being sweetened with humanity and benevolence, great without goodness; and I pronounce it and at the same time emboldened with reso-as certain, that there never yet was a truly lution, equally free from diffident bashfulness great man, that was not at the same time truly and an unbecoming appearance. The con- virtuous. sciousness of his own innate worth and unshaken integrity render him calm and undaunted in the presence of the most great and powerful, and upon the most extraordinary occasions. His strict justice and known impartiality make him the arbitrator and decider of all differences that arise for many miles around him, without putting his neighbours to the charge, perplexity, and uncertainty of law-submissive deportment of thy dependants, is suits. He always speaks the thing he means, which he is never afraid nor ashamed to do, because he knows he always means well; and therefore is never obliged to blush and feel the confusion of finding himself detected in the meanness of a falsehood. He never contrives ill against his neighbour, and therefore is never seen with a lowering suspicious aspect. A mixture of innocence and wisdom makes him ever seriously cheerful. His generous hospitality to strangers, according to his ability; his goodness, his charity, his courage in the cause of the oppressed, his fidelity in friend O Cretico! thou sour philosopher! thou cunning statesman! thou art crafty, but far from being wise. When wilt thou be esteemed, regarded, and beloved like Cato? When wilt thou, among thy creatures, meet with that unfeigned respect, and warm good will, that all men have for him? Wilt thou never understand, that the cringing, mean, (like the worship paid by Indians to the devil) rather through fear of the harm thou mayest do them, than out of gratitude for the favours they have received from thee? Thou art not wholly void of virtue; there are many good things in thee; and many good actions reported of thee. Be advised by thy friend: neglect those musty authors; let them be covered with dust, and moulder on their proper shelves; and do thou apply thyself to a study much more profitable, the knowledge of mankind and of thyself. This is to give notice, that the Busy-Body strictly forbids all persons, from this time forward, of what age, sex, rank, quality, degree, or denomination, soever, on any pretence, to inquire who is the author of this paper, on pain of his displeasure (his own near and dear relations only excepted.) It is to be observed, that if any bad characters happen to be drawn in the course of these papers, they mean no particular person, if they are not particularly applied. Likewise, that the author is no party man, but a general meddler. N. B. Cretico lives in a neighbouring province. No. IV. Nequid nemis. Feb. 25, 1729. lowing letter left for me at the printer's, is one of the first I have received, which I regard the more that it comes from one of the fair sex, and because I have myself often times suffered under the grievance therein complainined of. To the Busy-Body. SIR, You having set yourself up for a censuror morum, (as I think you call it,) which is said to mean a reformer of manners, I know no person more proper to be applied to for redress in all the grievances we suffer from want of manners in some people. You must know I am a single woman, and keep a shop in this town for a livelihood. There is a certain neighbour of mine, who is really agreeable company enough, and with whom I have had an intimacy of some time standing; In my first paper, I invited the learned and but of late she makes her visits so exceeding the ingenious to join with me in this under- ly often, and stays so long every visit, that I taking; and I now repeat that invitation. I am tired out of all patience. I have no manwould have such gentlemen, take this oppor- ner of time at all to myself; and you who tunity (by trying their talent in writing) of seem to be a wise man, must needs be sensidiverting themselves and friends, and improv- ble, that every person has little secrets and ing the taste of the town. And because I privacies, that are not proper to be exposed would encourage all wit of our own growth even to the nearest friend. Now I cannot do and produce, I hereby promise, that whoever the least thing in the world, but she must know shall send me a little essay on some moral or about it; and it is a wonder I have found an opother subject, that is fit for public view in this portunity to write you this letter. My misformanner, (and not basely borrowed from any tune is, that I respect her very well, and know other author,) I shall receive it with candour, not how to disoblige her so much as to tell her I and take care to place it to the best advan- should be glad to have less of her company; for tage. It will be hard if we cannot muster up if I should once hint such a thing, I am afraid in the whole country a sufficient stock of she would resent it so as never to darken my sense to supply the Busy-Body at least for a door again. But, alas, sir, I have not yet told twelvemonth. For my own part, I have al- you half my affliction. She has two children ready professed, that I have the good of my that are just big enough to run about and do country wholly at heart in this design, with- pretty mischief: these are continually along out the least sinister view; my chief purpose, with mamma, either in my room or shop, if I being to inculcate the noble principles of vir- have ever so many customers or people with tue, and depreciate vice of every kind. But me about business. Sometimes they pull the as I know the mob hate instruction, and the goods off my low shelves down to the ground, generality would never read beyond the first and perhaps where one of them has just been line of my lectures, if they were actually fill- making water. My friend takes up the stuff ed with nothing but wholesome precepts and and cries-"Oh! thou little wicked, mischievadvice, I must therefore sometimes humourous rogue! but, however, it has done no them in their own way. There are a set of great names in the province, who are the common objects of popular dislike. If I can now and then overcome my reluctance, and prevail with myself to satirize a little, one of these gentlemen, the expectation of meeting such a gratification will induce many to read me through, who would otherwise proceed immediately to the foreign news. As I am very well assured the greatest men among us have a sincere love for their country, notwithstanding its ingratitude, and the insinuations of the envious and malicious to the contrary, so I doubt not but they will cheerfully tolerate me in the liberty I design to take for the end above mentioned. As yet I have but few correspondents, though they begin now to increase. The fol great damage; it is only wet a little;" and so puts it upon the shelf again. Sometimes they get to my cask of nails behind the counter, and divert themselves, to my great vexation, with mixing my tenpenny_and_ eightpenny and fourpenny together. I endeavour to conceal my uneasiness as much as possible, and, with a grave look, to go on sorting them out. She cries,-"Don't thee trouble thyself, neighbour; let them play a little; I'll put all to rights before I go.' But things are never so put to rights but that I find a great deal of work to do after they are gone. Thus, sir, I have all the trouble and pesterment of chil dren without the pleasure of calling them my own; and they are now so used to being here that they will be content no where else. If she would have been so kind as to have mode |