and so will not be crossed—I won't be made a fool. bad ruined my girl. But it's all over now, Mrs. O. Why, you won't let me speak. Oak. Because you don't speak as you ought. Madam, madam! you shan't look, nor walk, nor talk, nor think, but as I please. Mrs. O. Was there ever such a monster! I can bear this no longer. [Bursts into Tears] O you vile man! I can see through your design-you cruel, barbarous, inhuman-such usage to your poor wife!-you'll be the death of her. Oak. She shan't be the death of me, Ι am determined. Mrs. O. That it should ever come to this!To be contradicted - [Sobbing] - insultedabused-hated-tis too much-my heart will burst with-oh-oh [Falls into a Fit. Harriot, Charles, Oak. [Interposing] Let her alone. Mrs. O. You was here yesterday, sir? Rus. Yes; I came after Harriot. I thought should find my young madam with my young sir here. I Mrs. O. With Charles, did you say, sir? Rus. Ay, with Charles, madam! The young. rogue has been fond of her a long time, and she of him, it seems. Mrs. O. I fear I have been to blame. [Aside. Ras. I ask pardon, madam, for the disturbance I made in your house. Har. And the abrupt manner in which I came into it demands a thousand apologies. But the occasion must be my excuse. Mrs. O. How have I been mistaken! [Aside] But did not I overhear you and Mr. Oakly [To Harriot. Har. Dear madam! you had but a partial hearing of our conversation. It related entirely this gentleman. Charles. For heaven's sake, sir, she will be-to Oak. I don't care-Let her alone, I say. Mrs. O. [Rising] O, you monster!-you villain !-you base man !-VVould you let me die for want of help?-would you Oak. Bless me! madam, your fit is very violent-take care of yourself. Mrs. O. Despised, ridiculed - but I'll be revenged-you shall see, sir Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. [Singing. Charles. To put it beyond doubt, madam, Mr. Russet and my guardian have consented to our marriage; and we are in hopes that you will not withhold your approbation. Mrs. O. I have no further doubt-I see you are innocent, and it was cruel to suspect you You have taken a load of anguish off my mindand yet your kind interposition comes too late; Mr. Oakly's love for me is entirely destroyed. - [Weeping. [Apart. Apart. Oak. I must go to herMaj. O. Not yet!-Not yet! Har. Do not disturb yourself with such Mrs. O. What, am I made a jest of? Ex-apprehensions; I am sure Mr. Oakly loves posed to all the world? - If there's law or you most affectionately. justice Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. Oak. I can hold no longer. [Going to her] My affection for you, madam, is as warm as [Singing. ever. My constrained behaviour has cut me Mrs. O. I shall burst with anger. - Have a to the soul-for it was all constrained-and it care, sir; you may repent this.-Scorned and was with the utmost difficulty that I was able made ridiculous !. No power on earth shall to support it. hinder my revenge! [Going. Mrs. O. O, Mr. Oakly, how have I exposed myself! What low arts has my jealousy induced me to practise! I see my folly, and fear that you can never forgive me. Har. [Interposing] Stay, madam. wonders. [Apart. Oak. Forgive you!-This change transports me!-Brother! Mr. Russet! Charles! Harriot! Oak. I think she'll have no more fits. [Apart. give me joy!-I am the happiest man in the Har. Stay, madam. - Pray stay but one world! moment. I have been a painful witness of Maj. O. Joy, much joy, to you both! though, your uneasiness, and in great part the innocent by-the-by, you are not a little obliged to me occasion of it. Give me leave thenfor it. Did not I tell you I'would cure all Mrs. O. I did not expect, indeed, to have the disorders in your family? I beg pardon, found you here again. But however- sister, for taking the liberty to prescribe for Har. I see the agitation of your mind, and you. My medicines have been somewhat it makes me miserable. Suffer me to tell the rough, I believe, but they have had an adreal truth. I can explain every thing to your mirable effect, and so don't be angry with satisfaction. your physician. Mrs. O. May be so-I cannot argue with you. sake-for your own-dear madam! Mrs. O. I am indeed obliged to you, and I feel Oak. Nay, my dear, no more of this. All | that's past must be utterly forgotten. Har. I understand, madam, that your first | Mrs. Q. I have not merited this kindness, alarm was occasioned by a letter from my but it shall hereafter be my study to deserve father to your nephew. it. Away with all idle jealousies! And since Rus. I was in a bloody passion, to be sure, my suspicions have hitherto been groundless, madam! The letter was not over civil, II am resolved for the future never to suspect believe. I did not know but the young rogue at all. [Exeunt. THE DOUBLE DEALER, Comedy by W. Congreve, acted at the Theatre Royal 1694. This is the second play this author wrote; the characters of it are strongly drawn, the wit is genuine and original, the plot finely laid, and the conduct inimitable: yet such is, and ever has been, the capricious disposition of audiences, that it met not equal encouragement with his old Bacheler (in some respects a much more exceptionable play), nor had it the same success with his later performances. SCENE. A Gallery in LORD TOUCHWOOD's House, with Chambers adjoining ACT I. 'egad, I could not have said it out of thy SCENE I-A Gallery in LORD TOUCHWOOD's Company. Careless, ha? House. Care. Hum, ay, what is't? deuce take me, if I tell you. Brisk. O mon coeur! What is't? Nay, 'gad, CARELESS crosses the Stage, as just risen I'll punish you for want of apprehension: the from Table; MELLEFONT following. Mel. NED, Ned, whither so fast? What, turned flincher? 1) Why, you wo'ndt leave us? Care. Where are the women? I'm weary of drinking, and begin to think them the better company. Mel. Then thy reason staggers, and thou'rt almost tipsy. Mel. No, no, hang him, he has no taste. But, dear Brisk, excuse me; I have a little business. Care. Pr'ythee, get thee gone; thou seest we are serious. But Mel. We'll come immediately, if you'll but go in and keep up good humour and sense in Care. No, faith, but your fools grow noisy; the company; pr'ythee do, they'll fall asleep else. and if a man must endure the noise of words Brisk. Egad, so they will. Well, I will, without sense, I think the women have more I will: 'gad, you shall command me from the musical voices, and become nonsense better. zenith to the nadir. But, the deuce take me, Mel. Why, they are at the end of the if I say a good thing till you come. gallery, retired to their tea and scandal. But pr'ythee, dear rogue, make haste; pr'ythee, I made a pretence to follow you, because I make haste, I shall burst else; and yonder had something to say to you in private, and your uncle, my lord Touchwood, swears he'll I am not like to have many opportunities disinherit you; and Sir Paul Pliant threatens this evening. to disclaim you for a son-in-law; and my Care. And here's this coxcomb most criti-lord Froth won't dance at your wedding tocally come to interrupt you. Enter BRISK. a Brisk. Boys, boys, lads, where are you? What, do you give ground? Mortgage for bottle, ha? Careless, this is your trick; you're always spoiling company by leaving it. Care. And thou art always spoiling company by coming into't. morrow; nor, the deuce take me, I won't write your epithalamium; and see what a condition you're like to be brought to. Mel. Well, I'll speak but three words, and follow you. Brisk. Enough, enough. Careless, bring your apprehension along with you. Care. Pert coxcomb! [Exit Mel. Faith, 'tis a good-natured coxcomb, Brisk. Pho! ha, ha, ha! I know you envy and has very entertaining follies; you must me. Spite, proud spite, by the gods, and be more humane to him; at this juncture it burning envy. I'll be judged by Mellefont will do me service. I'll tell you, I would here, who gives and takes raillery better, you have mirth continued this day at any rate, or I. Pshaw, man, when I say you spoil though patience purchase folly, and attention company by leaving it, I mean you leave be paid with noise: there are times when nobody for the company to laugh at. I think sense may be unscasonable, as well as truth: there was with you. Ha, Mellefont? pr'ythee, do thou wear none to-day; but allow Mel. O'my word, Brisk, that was a home Brisk to have wit, that thou may'st seem thrust: you have silenced him. a fool. Brisk. O, my dear Mellefont, let me perish, Care. Why, how now? Why this extraif thou art not the soul of conversation, the vagant proposition? very essence of wit, and spirit of wine. The Mel. O, I would have no room for serious deuce take me, if there were three good design, for I am jealous of a plot. I would things said, or one understood, since thy have noise and impertinence, to keep my lady amputation from the body of our society. He! Touchwood's head from working. I think, that's pretty, and metaphorical enough: 1) To he afraid of drinking half a dozen bottles of claret at a sitting, used to be called flinching from your Care. I thought your fear of her had been over. Is not to-morrow appointed for your marriage with Cynthia? and her father, sir bottle; but very happily at the present day, drinking Paul Pliant, come to settle the writings this is not one of the necessary accomplishments; and a day, on purpose? party of Englishmen can meet together now, enjoy. themselves, and separate, without being any thing more Mel. True; but you shall judge whether I have not reason to be alarmed. None, besides than a little merry. you and Maskwell, are acquainted with the Care. I'm mistaken if there be not a fasecret of my aunt Touchwood's violent passion miliarity between them you do not suspect, Since my first refusal of her ad- for all her passion for you. for me. dresses, she has endeavoured to do me all Mel. Pho, pho! nothing in the world but ill offices with my uncle; yet has managed his design to do me service; and he endeavours 'em with that subtilty, that to him they have to be well in her esteem that he may be able borne the face of kindness; while her malice, to effect it. like a dark, lantern, only shone upon me Care. Well, I shall be glad to be mistaken; where it was directed; but, whether urg'd but your aunt's aversion in her revenge, can by her despair, and the short prospect of time not be any way so effectually shown, as in she saw to accomplish her designs, whether promoting a means to disinherit you. She is the hopes of revenge, or of her love, termi- handsome, and cunning, and naturally amorous : nated in the view of this my marriage with Maskwell is flesh and blood at best, and opCynthia, I know not; but this morning she portunities between them are frequent. His surprised me in my own chamber. affection for you, you have confessed, is Care. Was there ever such a fury? Well, grounded upon his interest; that you have bless us! proceed. What followed? transplanted; and, should it take root in my Mel. It was long before either of us spoke; lady, I don't see what you can expect from passion had tied her tongue, and amazement the fruit. mine. In short, the consequence was thus; Mel. I confess the consequence is visible she omitted nothing that the most violent love were your suspicions just. But see, the FROTH, and SIR PAUL PLIANT. could urge, or tender words express; which company is broke up: let's meet 'em. when she saw had no effect, but still I pleaded honour and nearness of blood to my uncle, Re-enter BRISK, with LORD TOUCHWOOD, LORD then came the storm I fear'd at first; for, starting from my bedside, like a fury she flew to my sword, and with much ado I prevented her doing me or herself a mischief. Having disarmed her, in a gust of passion she left me, and in a resolution, confirmed by a thousand curses, not to close her eyes till they had seen my ruin. Care. Exquisite woman! But, what the devil, does she think thou hast no more sense than to disinherit thyself? For, as I take it, this settlement upon you is with a proviso that your uncle have no children. Lord T. Out upon't, nephew; leave your father-in-law and me to maintain our ground against young people. Mel. I beg your lordship's pardon. We were just returning Sir P. Where you, son? 'Gadsbud, much better as it is-Good, strange! I swear I'm almost tipsy; t'other bottle would have been too powerful for me-as sure as can be, it would: we wanted your company; but, Mr. Brisk—where is he? I swear and vow he's a most facetious person, and the best company; Mel. It is so. Well, the service you are and, my lord Froth, your lordship is so merry to do me, will be a pleasure to yourself: I must a man, he, he, he! get you to engage my lady Pliant all this Lord F. O fie, sir Paul, what do you mean? evening, that my pious aunt may not work Merry! O, barbarous! I'd as lieve you call'd her to her interest: and if you chance to me-fool. secure her to yourself, you may incline her Sir P. Nay, I protest and vow now 'tis to mine. She's handsome, and knows it; is true; when Mr. Brisk jokes, your lordship's very silly, and thinks she has sense; and has laugh does so become you, he, he, he. on old fond husband. Lord F. Ridiculous, sir Paul! you are Care. I confess a very fair foundation for strangely mistaken: I find champaign is powera lover to build upon. ful. I assure you, sir Paul, I laugh at nobody's Mel. For my lord Froth, he and his wife jest but my own, or a lady's, I assure you, will be sufficiently taken up with admiring sir Paul. one another, and Brisk's gallantry, as they Brisk. How! how, my lord? What, affront call it. I'll observe my uncle myself; and my wit! Let me perish! do I never say any Jack Maskwell has promised me to watch my thing worthy to be laugh'd at? aunt narrowly, and give me notice upon any Lord F. O fie, don't misapprehend me: 1 suspicion. As for sir Paul, my wise father- don't say so; for I often smile at your conin-law that is to be, my dear Cynthia has ceptions. But there is nothing more unbesuch a share in his fatherly fondness, he coming a man of quality than to laugh: 'tis would scarce make her a moment uneasy to such a vulgar expression of the passion! every have her happy hereafter. body can laugh. Then especially to laugh at Care. So, you have manned your works: the jest of an inferior person, or when any but I wish you may not have the weakest guard, where the enemy is strongest. Mel. Maskwell, you mean: pr'ythee, why should you suspect him? I Care. Faith, I cannot help it: you know never lik'd him; I am a little superstitious in physiognomy. Mel. He has obligations of gratitude to bind him to me; his dependance upon my uncle is through my means. Care. Upon your aunt, you mean. body else of the same quality does not laugh with him: ridiculous! to be pleased with what pleases the crowd! Now, when I laugh, I always laugh alone. Brisk. I suppose that's because you laugh at your own jests, 'egad; ha, ha, ha! Lord F. He, he! I swear though your lery provokes me to a smile. rail Brisk. Ay, my lord, it's a sign I hit you in the teeth, if you show 'em. Lord F. Ile, he, he! I swear that's so very pretty, I can't forbear. Lord T. Sir Paul, if you please we'll retire prehend. Take it t'other way: suppose I say to the ladies, and drink a dish of tea to settle a witty thing to you. our heads. [To Careless. Care. Then I shall be disappointed indeed. Mel. Let him alone, Brisk; he is obstinately Sir P. With all my heart.-Mr. Brisk, you'll come to us or call me when you're going bent not to be instructed. to joke. I'll be ready to laugh incontinently. [Exeunt Lord Touchwood and Sir Paul Pliant. Mel. But does your lordship never see comedies? Lord F. O yes, sometimes; but I never laugh. Mel. No! Lord F. Oh no-Never laugh, indeed, sir. Care. No! why what d'ye go there for? Lord F. To distinguish myself from the commonality, and mortify the poets; the fellows grow so conceited when any of their foolish wit prevails upon the side boxes!I swear-he, he, he-I have often constrain'd my inclinations to laugh-he, he, he-to avoid giving them encouragement. Mel. You are cruel to yourself, my lord, as well as malicious to them. Lord F. I confess I did myself some violence at first; but now I think I have conquered it. Brisk. Let me perish, my lord, but there is something very particular and novel in the humour; 'tis true, it makes against wit, and I'm sorry for some friends of mine that write; but-'egad, I love to be malicious. Nay, deuce take me, there's wit in't too; and wit must be foil'd by wit: cut a diamond with a diamond; no other way, 'egad. Lord F. Oh, I thought you would not be long before you found out the wit. Care. Wit! in what? Where the devil's the wit, in not laughing when a man has a mind to't? Brisk. I'm sorrry for him, the deuce take me. Mel. Shall we go to the ladies, my lord? Lord F. With all my heart; methinks we are a solitude without 'em. Mel. Or, what say you to another bottle of champaign? Lord F. O, for the universe, not a drop more, I beseech you. Oh, intemperate! I have a flushing in my face already. I [Takes out a pocket Glass, and looks in it. Brisk. Let me see, let me see, my lordbroke my glass that was in the lid of my snuff-box. Hum! Deuce take me, I have encouraged a pimple here too. [Takes the Glass, and looks in it. Lord F. Then you must fortify him with a patch; my wife shall supply you. Come, gentlemen, allons. [Exeunt. Lady T. Have you not wrong'd my lord, who has been a father to you in your wants, and given you being? Have you not wrong'd him in the highest manner? Brisk. O Lord, why can't you find it out? Why, there 'tis, in the not laughing. Don't you apprehend me?- My lord, Careless is a Mask. With your ladyship's help, and for very honest fellow; but, harkye, you under- your service, as I told you before-I can't stand me, somewhat heavy; a little shallow, deny that neither. Any thing more, madam? or so. Why, I'll tell you now: suppose now Lady T. More, audacious villain! O, what's you come up to me-nay, pr'ythee, Careless, more is most my shame-Have you not disbe instructed-Suppose, as I was saying, you honour'd me? come up to me, holding your sides, and Mask. No, that I deny; for I never told in laughing as if you would-Well! I look grave, all my life; so that accusation's answer'd-on and ask the cause of this immoderate mirth: to the next. you laugh on still, and are not able to tell Lady T. Death! do you dally with my pasme: still I look grave; not so much as smile- sion? insolent devil! But have a care; provoke Care. Smile! no; what the devil should me not; you shall not escape my vengeance. you smile at, when you suppose I can't-Calm villain! how unconcern'd he stands, tell you? confessing treachery and ingratitude! Is there Brisk. Pshaw, pshaw, pr'ythee don't inter- a vice more black? O, I have excuses, thourupt me-but I tell you, you shall tell me at sands, for my faults: fire in my temper; paslast; but it shall be a great while first. sions in my soul, apt to every provocation; Care. Well, but pr'ythee don't let it be a oppressed at once with love, and with despair. great while, because I long to have it over. But a sedate, a thinking villain, whose black Brisk. Well then, you tell me some good blood runs temperately bad, what excuse can jest, or very witty thing, laughing all the clear? while as if you were ready to die- and I Mask. Will you be in temper, madam? I hear it, and look thus; would not you be would not talk not to be heard. I have been disappointed? Care. No; for if it were a witty thing, I should not expect you to understand it. a very great rogue for your sake, and you reproach me with it; I am ready to be a rogue still to do you service; and you are flinging Lord F. O fie, Mr. Careless; all the world conscience and honour in my face, to rebate allow Mr. Brisk to have wit: my wife says my inclinations. How am I to behave myself? he has a great deal; I hope you think her You know I am your creature; my life and a judge. fortune in your power; to disoblige you brings Brisk. Pho, my lord, his voice goes for me certain ruin. Allow it, I would betray nothing I can't tell how to make him ap- you, I would not be a traitor to myself: I don't pretend to honesty, because you know a rascal: but I would convince you, from the necessity, of my being firm to you. I am Lady T. How, how? thou dear, thou precious villain, how? Mask. You have already been tampering Lady T. I have: she is ready for any pression I think fit. im Lady T. Necessity, impudence! Can no gra- with my lady Pliant. titude incline you? no obligations touch you? Were you not in the nature of a servant? and have not I, in effect, made you lord of Mask. She must be thoroughly persuaded all, of me, and of my lord? Where is that that Mellefont loves her. humble love, the languishing, that adoration which was once paid me, and everlastingly engaged? Mask. Fixed, rooted in my heart, whence nothing can remove 'em; yet youLady T. Yet; what yet? Mask. Nay, misconceive me not, madam, when I say I have had a generous, and a faithful passion, which you had never favoured but through revenge and policy. Lady T. Ha! You Lady T. She is so credulous that way naturally, and likes him so well, that she will believe it faster than I can persuade her. But I don't see what you can propose from such a trifling design; for her first conversing with Mellefont will convince her of the contrary. Mask. I know it.-I don't depend upon it; but it will prepare something else, and gain us leisure to lay a stronger plot: if I gain a little time, I shall not want contrivance. One minute gives invention to destroy What, to rebuild, will a whole age employ. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I.-The same. Enter LADY FROTH and CYNTHIA.. Cyn. Indeed, madam! is it possible your ladyship could have been so much in love? Lady F. I could not sleep; I did not sleep one wink for three weeks together. Mask. Look you, madam, we are alonecontain yourself, and hear me. pray know you lov'd your nephew, when I first sigh'd for you; I quickly found it: an argument that I loved; for, with that art you veil'd your passion, 'twas imperceptible to all but jealous eyes. This discovery made me bold, I confess it; for by it I thought you in my power: your nephew's scorn of you added to my hopes; I watched the occasion, and took you, just repulsed by him, warm at once with Cyn. Prodigious! I wonder want of sleep, love and indignation; your disposition, my and so much love, and so much wit as your arguments, and happy opportunity, accom- ladyship has, did not turn your brain. plish'd m design. How I have loved you Lady F. O, my dear Cynthia, you must not since, words have not shown; then how should rally your friend. But really, as you say, I words express? wonder too-But then I had a way; for, between you and I, I had whimsies and vapours; but I gave them vent. Lady T. Well, mollifying devil! and have I not met your love with forward fire? A son Mask. Your zeal, 1 grant, was ardent, but misplaced: there was revenge in view; that woman's idol had defil'd the temple of the god, and love was made a mock-worship. and heir would have edg'd young Mellefont upon the brink of ruin, and left him nought but you to catch at for prevention. Cyn. How pray, madam? Lady F. O, I writ; writ abundantly. - Do you never write? Cyn. Write! what? Lady F. Songs, elegies, satires, encomiums, panegyrics, lampoons, plays, or heroic poems. Cyn. O Lord, not I, madam; I'm content Lady T. Again, provoke me! Do you wind to be a courteous reader. me like a larum, only to rouse my own still'd soul for your diversion? Confusion! Lady F. O, inconsistent! In love, and not write! If my lord and I had been both of Mask. Nay, madam, I'm gone, if you re- your temper, we had never come together.-lapse. What needs this? I say nothing but O, bless me! what a sad thing would that have` what yourself, in open hours of love, have been, if my lord and I should never have met! told me. Why should you deny it? Nay, Cyn. Then neither my lord or you would how can you? Is not all this present heat ever have met with your match, on my conowing to the same fire? Do not you love him science. still? How have I this day offended you, but in not breaking off his match with Cynthia? which, ere to-morrow, shall be done, had you but patience. Lady T. How! what said you, Maskwell? -Another caprice to unwind my temper? Lady F. O'my conscience, no more we should; thou say'st right; for sure my lord Froth is as fine a gentleman, and as much a man of quality!-Ah! nothing at all of the common air-I think I may say, he wants nothing but a blue ribbon and a star to make Mask. No, by my love, I am your slave; him shine the very phosphorus of our hemithe slave of all your pleasures; and will not sphere. Do you understand those two hard rest till I have given you peace, would you words? If you don't I'll explain 'em to you. suffer me. Cyn. Yes, yes, madam, I'm not so ignorant. Lady T. O, Maskwell, in vain do I disguise-At least I won't own it, to be troubled with me from thee; thou knowest me; knowest the your instructions. [Aside. very inmost windings and recesses of my soul. Lady F. Nay, I beg your pardon; but, beO Mellefont!-Married to-morrow!-Despairing derived from the Greek, I thought you strikes me. Yet my soul knows I hate him might have escap'd the etymology. But I'm too: let him but once be mine, and next im- the more amazed, to find you a woman of mediate ruin seize him. letters, and not write! Bless me, how can Mel Mask. Compose yourself; you shall have lefont believe you love him? your wish.-Will that please you? Cyn. Why faith, madam, he that won't take |