ANECDOTE OF TOM CORWIN.-Some years ago, addressed Mr. Corwin in the same manner, when Tom Corwin and Tom Ewing were on a" Will you take condiments in your tea, sir?" political pilgrimage to the northern part of the" Pepper and salt, but no mustard," was the State, they were invited to tarry over night with prompt reply of the facetious Tom. Of course, a distinguished local politician. The guests nature must out, and Ewing and the entertainer arrived rather late, and the lady of the mansion roared in spite of themselves. Corwin essayed being absent, a niece undertook to preside on to amend the matter, and was voluble in comthe occasion. She had never seen great men, pliment, anecdote, and wit. But the wound was and supposed they were elephantine altogether, immedicable. The young lady to this day declares and all talked in great language. "Mr. Ewing, that Tom Corwin is a coarse, vulgar, disagreeable will you take condiments in your tea, sir ?" in- man.-Toledo Blade. quired the young lady. "Yes, Miss, if you please," replied the quondam Salt Boiler. CorA divine, once praying, said, "O Lord, win's eyes twinkled. Here was fun for him. give us neither poverty nor riches," and pausing Gratified with the apparent success of her first solemnly a moment, added, "especially povtrial at talking with big men, the young lady erty." 5 10 4 29 7 34 0 27 2 504 35 7 28. 0 28 6 12 4 29 7 34 0 48 3 52 4 357 28 0 49 7 10 4 29 7 35 1 9 4 504 35 7 29 1 12 29 7 35 1 36 5 464 35 7 29 1 40 5 4 30 7 35 2 8 6 45 4 367 29 2 13 9 25 10 28 4 47 7 24 9 21 0 48 4 43 7 29 5 0 4 0 40 4 52 4 54 7 17 0 46 A western preacher, while exhorting his "Uncle," said a young man, who thought hearers to repentance with great earnestness, that his guardian supplied him rather seldom spoke in passionate terms of the purity of his with pocket-money, and felt a little hesitation on own motives-he had no concealments-he wish-beginning to make a request on his relative's ed there was a window in his bosom that every generosity, "is the queen's head still on the one could see his heart. At this point, a man shilling pieces?" "Of course it is, you stupid "Because it is now rose, and with marked solemnity asked the rev-lad; why do you ask that?" erend gentleman "if he did not think a pane such a length of time since I had one." in his stomach would do just as well?" A little stealing is a dangerous part, "I sell peppermints on Sunday," remarked a good old lady who kept a candy shop, "because they carries 'em to church and eats 'em, and keeps awake to hear the sermon; but if you want pickled limes, you must come week days. They're secular commodities." "Mr. ANECDOTE OF MR. WEBSTER.-Soon after Mr. Web-| other Boston Semi- Weekly Centinel. It contained ster removed to Marshfield, he made his masterly a report of Webster's speech in reply to Hayne. It speech in the U. S. Senate in reply to Hayne. was carried to the chamber of Captain Thomas, The gentleman of whom he bought his farm at with the announcement of what it contained. Marshfield, Captain Thomas, a great admirer of Captain Thomas was scarcely aroused by it. He Mr. Webster, both before and after he knew him was not believing, but faithless. He said, personally, had read the great speech of Hayne, Hayne cannot be answered; it is of no use to in the Boston Centinela paper that he sub- think it." scribed for, not without asking Mr. Webster what paper he had "better take." Captain Thomas his leave. regarded the speech of Hayne as unanswerable. He was gloomy and quite sick at heart about it. He took to his room, and even went to bed. In a day or two, the mail brought along an The newspaper was left, and the bearer took Soon a joyful noise was heard in the chamber of Capt. Thomas. The sick man had read the speech of Webster, was cured, and cried at the top of his voice, "BRING ME MY BOOTS." DANIEL WEBSTER, being present at a ball in was never covetous. Fourth. He must send it Washington during his incumbency as Secretary to a doctor's shop who never killed a patient. of State, was asked by an effeminate, foppish sort Fifth. He must mark it with a lawyer's ink who of a chap, who thought a good deal of his own never cheated a client. Sixth. Apply it to the dancing: "Don't you dance, Mr. Webster? I part affected, and a cure will speedily follow. never see you dancing." "No," said Mr. Webster, as only he could say and look such things, "I never had the capacity to learn how, sir.' A husband, residing in a small village in the interior, thus announces the departure from his "bed and board" of his dearly beloved: "My CURE FOR GOUT.-(From an old book.)-First. wife, Anne Maria, has strayed or been stolen. The person must pick a handkerchief from the Whoever returns her will get his head broke. pocket of a maid of fifty years, who has never As for trusting her, anybody can do so who sees had a wish to change her condition. Second. fit-for as I never pay my own debts, it is not at He must wash it in an honest miller's pond. all likely that I will lay awake nights thinking | Third. He must dry it on a parson's hedge who' about other people's." 26 F11 44 6 6 27 S 11 44 0 6 27 5 0 6 28 4 59 7 8 8 0 30 T 11 43 48 6 30 4 55 9 11 31 W 11 43 45 6 32 4 54 10 4 EPIGRAM ON A POETICAL DENTIST. 6 23 morn 6 235 "What! Parsons the dentist?' you don't mean of an ancient maiden lady, one pleasant morn to say That that sort of a chap bore the chaplet away?" "Nay, none of your sneers at his laureate wreath, He's a very good poet in spite of his teeth." ANOTHER. Yes, a dentist has taken the "laureate wreath," If the critical snarlers should show him their He'll quickly be pulling them out. wife thinks she's a pretty tall one, but she'll take ing," Mrs. Polly, you're a fustrate sweeper. My raise as big a pile of dirt as you've got together her broom and go all over the house and can't in five minutes there!" Uncle Eb left very soon. Another instance of his wit is on record: Going into the nicely clean dwelling of a neighbor, one day, with suspicious looking boots, the gude wife hailed him with, "Did you not see the scraper at the door, Uncle Eb?" "Yes'm," was the reply, "and I intend to use it when I go out." |
