IX. Hard Words. Indiscerptibility, and Essential Spissitude: words which, though I am no competent judge of, for want of languages, yet I fancy strongly ought to mean nothing. [Mrs. Aphra Behn (1640-1689). The Dutch Lover. (Epistle to Reader.)] X. Scandals to Atheism. -a late learned Doctor; who, though himself no great assertor of a Deity, yet was observed to be continually persuading this sort of men [the rakehelly blockheaded Infidels about town] of the necessity and truth of our religion; and being asked how he came to bestir himself so much this way, made answer, that it was because their ignorance and indiscreet debauch made them a Scandal to the Profession of Atheism. XI. Excuse for being afraid in a Storm. [Ibid.] Master. Courage! why what dost thou call courage? Hector himself would not have exchang'd his ten years' siege for our ten days' storm at sea. A Storm! a hundred thousand fighting men are nothing to it; cities sack'd by fire, nothing. "Tis a resistless coward, that attacks a man at disadvantage; an unaccountable magic, that first conjures down a man's courage, and then plays the devil over him; and, in fine, it is a Storm! Mate. Good lack, that it should be all these terrible things, and yet that we should outlive it! Master. No god-a-mercy to our courages tho', I tell you that now; but like an angry wench, when it had huffed and bluster'd itself weary, it lay still again. XII. [Ibid., Act iii., Sc. 2.] Dutch Gallantry. Mate. What, beat a woman, Sir? Master. 'Psha, all's one for that; if I am provok'd, anger will have its effects upon whomsoe'er it light: so said Von Tromp, when he took his Mistress a cuff on the ear for finding fault with an ill-fashioned leg he made her. I liked his humour well. [Mrs. Aphra Behn (1640-1689). The Dutch Lover, Act iii., Sc. 2.] XIII. Dutchman. -sitting at home in the chimney corner, cursing the face of Duke de Alva upon the jugs, for laying an imposition on beer. [Ibid., Act iii., Sc. 2.1] XIV. Rake at Church. -I shall know all, when I meet her in the chapel to-morrow. I am resolved to venture thither, tho' I am afraid the dogs will bark me out again, and by that means let the congregation know how much I am a stranger to the place. [Thomas D'Urfey. A Virtuous Wife, Act ii., Sc. 1.] XV. Lying Traveller. You do not believe me then? the devil take me, if these homebred fellows can be saved: they neither know nor believe half the creation. [John Lacy (died 1681). Sir Hercules Buffoon, Act iv., Sc. 2.] XVI. English Beau, contrasted with a French one. -a true-bred English Beau has indeed the powder, the essence, the toothpick, the snuff-box; and is as idle; but the fault is in the flesh-he has not the motion, and looks stiff under all this. Now a French Fop, like a Poet, is born so, and would be known without clothes; it is in his eyes, his nose, his fingers, his elbows, his heels. They dance when they walk, and sing when they speak. We have nothing in that perfection as abroad; and our cuckolds, as well as our grapes, are but half ripened. [Charles Burnaby (fl. 1700). The Reformed Wife, Act iv., Sc. 1.] XVII. Fanciful Recipe, prescribed for sick Fancy. The juice of a lemon that's civil at seasons, [See also p. 580.] "[The next sentence precedes this in the play.] Two dying notes of an ancient swan; Three sighs, a thousand years kept, if you can; With the skin of a shadow caught in a glass; The jelly of a star, before it be cold; One ounce of courtship from a country daughter; Boil these on the fire of Zeal (with some beech-coals, lest the vessel burst).—If you can get these ingredients, I will compound them for you. Then, when the patient is perfectly recovered, she shall be married in rich cloth of rainbow laced with sunbeams. [William Strode. The Floating Island, Act iv., Sc. 15. See p. 537.] XVIII. Beauties at Church. Fair Women in Churches have as ill effect as fine Strangers in Grammar schools: for tho' the boys keep on the humdrum still, yet none of 'em mind their lesson for looking about 'em. [Sir Francis Fane (died 1689 ?). Love in the Dark (1675), Act ii., Sc. 1.1] XIX. Expedients. I have observed the wisdom of these Moors: for some days since being invited by one of the chief Bashaws to dinner, after meat, sitting by a huge fire, and feeling his shins to burn, I requested him to pull back his chair, but he very understandingly sent for three or four masons, and removed the chimney. [Heywood. The Fair Maid of the West, Part II., Act ii., Sc. 1.] XX. Mayor of Queenborow, a Christian, giving orders for feasting Hengist, a Pagan King of Kent, who has invited himself to the Mayor's table. -give charge the mutton come in all raw; the King of Kent is a Pagan, and must be served so. And let those officers, that seldom or never go to church, bring it in; it will be the better taken. [Thomas Middleton. The Mayor of Queenborough, Act v., Sc. 1.4] [See also pp. 565 and 583.] "[Lamb attributes this to Brome.] 4 [See also p. 568.] XXI. Fat man's device to get a dainty. I have a privilege. I was at the tavern the other day; in the next room I smelt hot venison. I sent but a drawer to tell the company, "one in the house with a great belly longed for a corner,' and I had half a pasty sent me immediately. [James Shirley. The Wedding, Act iii., Sc. 2.1] XXII. Miser's Servant. Friend. Camelion, how now, have you turned away your master? Camelion. No; I sold my place. As I was thinking to run away, comes this fellow, and offers me a breakfast for my good will to speak to my master for him. I took him at his word, and resigned my office, and turned over my hunger to him immediately. Now I serve a man. XXIII. Walking. [Ibid., Act ii., Sc. 3.] Fine Lady. I am glad I am come home, for I am even as weary with this walking; for God's sake, whereabouts does the pleasure of walking lie? I swear I have often sought it till I was weary, and yet I could ne'er find it. [T. Killigrew (1612-1683). The Parson's Wedding, Act iv., Sc. 3.] XXIV. Foolish Suitor. Alderman. Save you, Sir. Suitor. You do not think me damn'd Sir, that you bestow That salutation on me? Ald. Good Sir, no. Whom would you speak with here? Suit. Sir, my discourse Points at one Alderman Covel. Ald. I am the party. Suit. I understand you have a daughter, is Of most unknown perfections. Ald. She is as Heaven made her— Suit. She goes naked then; The tailor has no hand in her. [Henry Glapthorne. Wit in a Constable, See p. 409.] 1[See also p. 569.] SERIOUS FRAGMENTS I. Misery lays stronger bonds of love than Nature; and they are more than one, whom the same misfortune joined together, than whom the same womb gave life. [H. Killigrew. The Conspiracy, 1638, Act v., Sc. 1. See p. 447.1] II. Dying Person. -my soul The warm embraces of her flesh is now, [William Chamberlayne (1619-1689). Love's Victory, eternity: III. Within those everlasting springs we shall Meet with those joys, whose blasted embryos were Here made abortive IV. [Ibid., Act iii., p. 38.] Crown declined by a Spiritual Person. I know no more the way to temporal rule, Than he that's born, and has his years come to him, [Middleton. The Mayor of Queenborough, Act i., Sc. 1.] 1[See also p. 572.] |