SCENE IV. Olivia's Garden. Enter Olivia and Maria. Oh I have sent after him: He says he'll come: How shall I feast him? what bestow on him? For youth is bought more oft, than begg'd, or borrow'd. I speak too loud. for she incites me to that in the letter. Cast thy humble slough, says she; be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants,-let thy tongue tang with arguments of state,-put thyself into the trick of singularity;-and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! Where is Malvolio 7-he is sad, and civil, Where is Malvolio ? Mar. He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He is sure possessed, madam. Oli. Why, what's the matter? does he rave? Mar. No, madam, he does nothing but smile your ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he come; for sure, the man is tainted in his wits. Oli. Go call him hither.-I'm as mad as he, How now, Malvolio? Mal. Sweet lady, ho, ho. [Smiles fantastically. Ol. Smil'st thou ? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. be looked to: Fellow! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,-What can be said? Nothing that can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. Re-enter Maria, with Sir Toby Belch and Fabian. Sir To. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils in hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him. Mal. Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does Fab. Here he is, here he is -How is't with make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-you, sir? how is't with you, man? gartering: But what of that, if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is: Please one, and please all. Oli Why, how dost thou, man 7 what is the matter with thee ? Mal. Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs: It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think, we do know the sweet Roman hand. Oli Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio ? to thee. Oli. God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile 80, and kiss thy hand so oft? Mar. How do you, Malvolio? Mal. At your request? Yes: Nightingales anewer daws. Mar. Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? Mal. Be not afraid of greatness :-'Twas Oli. What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? Oli. Ha? Mal. Some achieve greatness, Mal. Go off: I discard you; let me enjoy my private: go off. Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you ?-Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. Mal. Ah, ha! does she so? Sir To. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil; consider, he's an enemy to mankind. Mal. Do you know what you say? Mar. La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched! Fab. Carry his water to the wise woman. Mar. Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say. Mal. How now, mistress? Sir To. 'Pr'ythee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: Do you not see, you move him; let me alone with him. Fab. No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used. Mal. And some have greatness thrust upon Sir To. Why, how now, my bawcock? how Oli. What say'st thou ? Oli. Heaven restore thee! them. dost thou, chuck? Mal. Sir? Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow Sir To. Ay, biddy come with me. What, man! stockings ; Oli. Thy yellow stockings 7 Mal. And wished to see thee cross-gartered. Oli. Cross-gartered? Mal. Go to; thou art made if thou desirest to be so ; Oli. Am I made ? Mal. If not, let me see thee a servant still. Enter Servant. Ser. Madam, the young gentleman of the count Orsino's is returned; I could hardly entreat him back he attends your ladyship's pleasure. Oli. I'll come to him. [Erit Servant.] Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. [Exeunt Olivia and Maria. Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me ? This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: Hang him, foul collier! Mar. Get him to say his prayers; good Sir Toby, get him to pray. Mal. My prayers, minx 7 Mar. No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness. Mal. Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shall know more hereafter. Mar. Nay, pursue him now: lest the device take air, and taint. Fab. Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. Mar. The house will be the quieter. Sir To. Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek. Fab. More matter for a May morning. What shall you ask of me that I'll deny. master. Oli. How with mine honour may I give him Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I war- Which I have given to you? Sir And. Ay, is it, I warrant him: do but read. Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't. Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for. Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. Sir To. I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me, Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you keep o' the windy side of the Jaw: Good. Sir To. Fare thee well: And God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy.-Andrew Ague-cheek. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot I'll give't him. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. Sir To. Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Vio. I will acquit you Oli. Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well; A fiend, like thee, might bear my soul to hell. [Exit. Re-enter Sir Toby Belch and Fabian. Sir To. Gentleman, God save thee. Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast don him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly. Vio. You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you' therefore, if you hold your life at any price, be take you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, sir, what is he? Sir To. He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies bath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, nob, is his word; give't, or take't. Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike, this is a man of that quirk. Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore, get Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall Exit. not to the house, unless you undertake that with Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: for me, which with as much safety you might the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him answer him: therefore on, or strip your sword out to be of good capacity and breeding; his stark naked: for meddle you must, that's ceremployment between his lord and my niece tain, or forswear to wear iron about you. confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so Vio. This is as uncivil, as strange. I beseech excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth, he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. Enter Olivia and Viola. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till he take leave, and presently after him. Sir To. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria. Vio. With the same 'haviour that your passion Go on my master's griefs. Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture! Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: And, I beseech you, come again to-morrow. you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is; it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. Sir To. I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. [Exit Sir Toby. Vio. 'Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter ? Fab. I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. Vio. I beseech you what manner of man is he? Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can. Vio. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would rather go with sir priest, than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle. [Exeunt. Re-enter Sir Toby, with Sir Andrew. Sir To. Why man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuckin, with such a mortal motion, that it is] Sir To. I'll make the motion: stand here, Re-enter Fabian and Viola. have his horse [to Fab.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him, the youth's a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. Sir To. There's no remedy, sir: he will fight with you for his oath's sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests, he will not hurt you. Vio. Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man. Sir And. 'Pray God, he keep his oath! Enter Antonio. [Draws. Vio. I do assure you, 'tis against my will. [Draws. Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money. For the fair kindness you have show'd me here, Out of my lean and low ability Ant. O heavens themselves! 2 Of Come, sir, I pray you go. Ant. Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here, snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death; Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love, And to his image, which, methought did promise, 1 Off. What's that to us? The time goes by; Most venerable worth, did I devotion. away. Ant. But, O, how vile an idol proves this Ant. Lead me on. [Exeunt Officers with Ant. That he believes himself; so do not I Ant. Put up your sword:-If this young gen-That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you! tleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me; [Drawing. more Than you have heard him brag to you he will. Sir To. Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am [Draws. for you. Enter Two Officers. Fab. O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the officers. Sir To. I'll be with you anon. [7'o Antonio. Vio. Pray, sir, put up your sword, if you please. [To Sir Andrew. Sir And. Marry, will I sir;-and, for that i promised you, I'll be as good as my word: He will bear you easily; and reins well. 1 Off. This is the man; do thy office. 2 Off. Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit Of count Orsino. Ant. Bat there's no remedy; I shall answer it. 2 Of. Come, sir, away. Sir To. Come hither, knight; come hither, most sage saws. Vio. He named Sebastian; I my brother know Exit. Sir To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity, and deny. ing him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian. Fab. A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. him. Sir And. 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat Sir To. Do, cut him soundly, but never draw thy sword. [Exit. Sir And. An I do not,- yet. ACT IV. SCENE 1. The Street before Olivia's House. Clo. Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you? Seb. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of thee. Clo. Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing, that is so, is so. Seb. I pr'ythee, vent thy folly somewhere else; Thou know'st not me. Clo. Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.-I pr'ythee now, ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady; Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming? Seb. I pr'y thee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There's money for thee; if you tarry longer, 1 shall give worse payment. Clo. By my troth, thou hast an open hand :-| These wise men that give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase. Enter Sir Andrew, Sir Toby, and Fabian. Sir And. Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you. [Striking Sebastian. Seb. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there: Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir Andrew. Sir To. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house. Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well; nor lean enough to be thought a good student: but to be said, an honest man, and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say, a careful man, and a great scholar. The competitors enter. Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria. Clo. What, hoa, I say ;-Peace in this prison ! knave. Mal. [in an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas the curate who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady. Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man 7 talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To. Well said, master parson. Clo. This will I tell my lady straight; I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit Clown. Sir To. Come on, sir; hold. [Holding Sebastian. Sir And. Nay, let him alone; I'll go another Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged; way to work with him; I'll have an action of good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they battery against him, if there be any law in Illy-have laid me here in hideous darkness. ria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: Say'st thou, that house is dark? Mal. As hell, Sir Topas. Clo. Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stories towards the south-north are as lustrious as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction? Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark. Clo. Madman, thou errest: 1 say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog. Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, 1 charge thee, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I hold. Sir To. Madam! Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight! Be not offended, dear Cesario:- Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:- O, say so, and so be! [Exeunt. say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question. Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl? Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits: and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas,-. Sir To. My most exquisite Sir Topas! Clo. Nay, I am for all waters. Mar. Thou might'st have done this withou thy beard and gown; he sees thee not. Sir. To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him; I would, w were well rid of this knavery. If he may b conveniently delivered, I would he were; for am now so far in offence with my niece, that cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy. Mal. Fool, Clo. Alas, why is she so? Mal. Fool, I say ; Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so, [Singing. She could not sway her house, command her followers, Clo. She loves another-Who calls, ha? live to be thankful to thee for'. Clo. Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art. Clo. But as well? then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool. Mal. They have here propertied me: keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits. Clo. Advise you what you say: the minister is here,-Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. Mal. Sir Topas, Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Take, and give back affairs, and their dispatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive she does: there's something in't, That is deceivable. But here comes the lady. Enter Olivia and a Priest. Oli. Blame not this haste of mine: if you mean well, Now go with me, and with this holy man, That they may fairly note this act of mine! ACT V. -Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b'wi'you, good SCENE I. The Street before Olivia's House. Sir Topas.-Marry, amen.-I will, sir, I will. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say, Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria. Clo. Well-a-day,-that you were, sir! Mal. By this hand, I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad, indeed ? or do you but counterfeit ? Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee, begone. Seb. This is the air: that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? I could not find him at the Elephant: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit, That he did range the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, Enter Clown and Fabian. Fab. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter. Clo. Good master Fabian, grant me another request. Fab. Any thing. Clo. Do not desire to see this letter. Fab. That is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again. Enter Duke, Viola, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. Duke. I know thee well: How dost thou, my good fellow ? Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends. Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. Clo. No, sir, the worse. Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why, then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. Duke. Why, this is excellent. Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends. Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold. Clo. But that it would be double dealing, sir, I would you could make it another. Duke. O, you give me ill counsel. Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer; there's another. Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all; the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; One, two, three. Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me with you, it may awake my bounty further. To any other trust, but that I am mad, Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I |