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I seek to heal it only by his wealth:
Fent, Sir, will you hear me ?
No, good master Fenton. My riots past, my wild societies :
Come, master Shallow; come, son Slender; in:And tells me, 'tis a thing impossible
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master FenI should love thee, but as a property.
ton. Anne. May be, he tells you true.
[Ereunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to Quick. Speak to mistress Page. come!
Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your
I must advance the colours of my love,
And not retire: Let me have your good will.
Gentle master Fenton, Anne. Good mother, do not inarry me to yond' Yet seek my father's love: still seek it, sir:
fool. If opportunity and humblest suit
Mrs. Page. I mean it not ; I seek you a better Cannot attain it, why then-Hark you hither. husband. [They converse apart. Quick. That's my master, master doctor.
Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the
Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good
I will not be your friend, nor enemy.
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
'Till then, farewell, sir :-she must needs go in; Quick Hark ye; master Slender would speak Her father will be angry. a word with you.
[Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Anne. I come to him.—This is my father's Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. choice.
Quick. This is my doing, now :-Nay, said 1, 0, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults
will you cast away your child on a fool, and a Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! physician? Look on master Fenton :- this is
[Aside. my doing. Quick. And how does good master Fenton ? Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once toPray you, a word with you.
night Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy hadst a father :
(Erit. Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, A kind heart he hath: a woman would run tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole through fire and water for such a kind heart. two geese out of a pen, good uncle.
But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any wo- I would master Fenton had her: I' will do what man in Gloucestershire.
I can for them all three ; for so I have promised, Shal. He will maintain you like a gentle and I'll be as good as my woni; but speciously
for master Fenton. Well, I must of another Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long tail, errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two misunder the degree of a 'squire.
tresses: What a beast am I to slack it! [Erit. Shal. He will inake you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.
SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn.
Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.
Bard. Here, sír.
Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast Anne. Now, master Slender.
in't. [Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in Slen. Now, good mistress Anne. Anne. What is your will ?
a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be jest indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, i thank served such another trick, l'll have my brains heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me
ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog beaven praise. Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would into the river with as little remorse as they would
have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little the litter :. and you may know by my size, that or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle tom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had ave made motions; if it he my luck, so: if not, been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and
appy man be his dole! They can tell you how shallow; a death that I abhor ; for the water things go, better than I can : You may ask your swells a'man; and what a thing should I have ather; here he comes.
been, when I had been swelled! I should have Enter Page and Mistress Page. been a mountain of mummy. Page. Now, master Slender :--Love him, daughter Anne.
Re-enter Bardolph, with the wine. Why, how now! what does master Fenton here?) Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house : with you.
told yon, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of. Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Fenl. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. Thames water: for my belly's as cold, as I had Mrs. Page. Good master Fenton, come not to swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reink
Call her in Page. She is no match for you.
Bard. Come in, woman.
Enter Mrs. Quickly.
ed it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckQuick. By your leave ; I cry you mercy: Give old, held his hand. Well, on went he for a your worship good-Inorrow.
searcn, and away went I for foul clothes. But Fal. Take away these chalices: Go brew me mark ihe sequel, master Brook: I sutiered the a pottle of sack finely.
pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolera. Bard. With eggs, sir?
ble fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten Fal. Simple of itself ; I'll no pullet-sperm in bellwether: next, to be com; assed like a good my brewage.-[Erit Bardolph. 1--How now? bilbo, in the circumierence of a peck, hilt to
Quick Marry, sir, I come to your worship point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in, from mistress Ford.
a strong distillation, with stinking clothes Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: that fretted in their own grease : think of that,I was thrown into the ford: I have my belly fui a man of my kindney,—think of that; that am us of ford.
subject to heat as butter; a man of continual Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape her fault; she does so take on with her men; I was more than half stewed in grease, like a
suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thunes, and woman's promise.
cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horseQuick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it shoe; think of that;-hissing hot, -think of that, would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband master Brook. goes this morning a birding; she desires you Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for once more to come to her between eight and my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then nine: I must carry her word quickly: she'li is desperate : you'll undertake her no more. make you amends, I warrant you.
Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Fal. 'Well, I will visit her: "Tell her so; and Etna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will bid her think what a man is : let her consider leave her thus. Her husband is this morning his frailty, and then judge of my merit.
gone a lirding: I have received froin her ano. Quick. I will tell her.
ther embassy of meeting ; '.wixt eight and pine Fal: Do so. Between nine and ten say'st thou ? is the hour, master Brook. Quick. Eight and nine, sir.
Ford. "Tis past eight already, sir. Fal. Well, be gone : I'will not miss her.
Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my ap. Quick. Peace be with you, sir? [Erit. pointment: Come to ine at your convenient Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and sent me word to stay within; I like his money the conclusion shall be crowned with your enwell. O, here he comes.
joying her: Adieu. You shall have her, master
Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. Enter Ford.
| Erit. Ford. Bless you, sir ?
Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision ? is this a Fal. Now, master Brook? you come to know dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; what hath passed between me and Ford's wife 7 awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business. your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you, I was married! this,'yis to have linen, and buck. at her house the hour she appointed me.
baskets !-Well, I will proclaim myself what I Ford. And how sped you, sir!
am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my Fal. Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.
house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he Ford. How so, sir ? Did she change her deter- should; he cannot creep into a haltpenny purse, mination?
Fal. No, master Brook ; but the peaking cor- guides him should aid him, I will senrch imposnuto, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a sible places. Though whailam I cannot avoid, continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the yet to be what I would not, shall not make me instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, tame : if I have horns to make one mad, let the kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the pro proverb go with ine, I'll be horn mad.
(Erit. logue of our comedy and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his
ACT IV. house for his wife's love.
SCENE I. The Street.
Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William Ford. And did he search for you, and could Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, not find you?
think'st thou ? Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have. Quick. Sure, he is by this: or will be presentit, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence ly: but truly, he is very courageous mad, about of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford deFord's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into sires you to come suddenly. a buck basket.
Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but Ford. A buck-basket? Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me where his master comes; 'lis a playing-day,
bring my young man here to school: Look; in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stock - see. ings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook,
Enter Sir Hugh Evans. there was the rankeat compound of villannus smell, that ever offended nostril.
How now, Sir Hugh? no school to-day? Ford. And how long lay you there?
Eva. No; master Slender is let the boys leave Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what to play. I have suffered to bring this woman to evil, for Quick. Blessing of his heart. a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called son profits nothing in the world at his
boky forth, by their mistress, to carry me in the name pray you, ask him some questions in his acciof foul clothes to Dachet-lane: they took medence. on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your master, in the door; who asked them once or head; come. twice what they had in their basket: I quaked Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your for fear,lest the lunatic koave would have search- head; answer your master, be not afraid.
Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ?
Enter Mrs. Page.
Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at
Era Peace your tattlings. What is fair, Mrs. Page. Indeed ?
Mrs. Ford. No, certainiy ;-speak louder.
(Aside. Quick Poulcats! there are fairer things than Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nopoulcals, sure.
Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in
his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with Era. And what is a stone, William ? my husband ; so rails against all married manWill. A pebble.
kind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what Eva. No, it is lapis; I pray you remember in complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the your prain.
forehead, crying, Peer out, peer out! that any Will. Lapis.
madness, I ever yet beheld, seemed but iame Era That is good, William. What is he, ness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper William, that does lend articles ?
he is in now : Iam glad the fat knight is not here. Will Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he hic, hæc, hoc.
was carried out, the last time he searched for Eca. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, him, in a basket; protests to my husband he is mark: genitiro, hujus : Well, what is your ac. now here ; and hath drawn him and the rest of cusative case ?
their company from their sport, to make another Will. Accusativo, hinc.
experiment of his suspicion : but I am glad the Eva. I pray you have your remembrance, knight is not here ; now he shall see his own child; Accusativo, hing, hang, hog.
foolery Quick. Hang hog, is Latin for bacon, I war Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page ? raut you.
Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will Eré. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is be here anon. the focative case, William ?
Mrs. Ford. I am undone!--the knight is here. Wil 0-vocativo, 0.
Mrs. Page. Why, then you are ntterly shamed, Era. Remember, William ; focative is caret. and he's but a dead man. What a woman are Quick. And that's a good root.
you ?-Away with him, away with him, better Eva 'Oman, forbear.
shame than murder. Mrs. Page Peace.
Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how Eva. What is your genitive case plural, Wil- should I bestow him ? Shall I put him into the liam ?
basket again ?
Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May
Quick. 'Vengeance of Jenny's case ! fie on her! Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's bro-never name her! child ! if she be a whore.
thers watch the door with pistols, that none shall Era For shame, 'oman.
issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words; came. But what make you here? he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll Fal. What shall I do?—I'll creep up into the do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum : chimney. --fie upon you!
Mrs. Ford. There they always used to discharge
Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault,
is no hiding you in the house.
Fal. I'll go out then.
Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There Era. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, is no woman's gown big enough for him; othermistress Page.
wise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a Mrs. Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh, [Erit Sir kerchief, and so escape. Hugh.) Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extoo long.
[Exeuni. tremity, rather than a mischief. SCENE II. A Room in Ford's House.
Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of
Brentford, has a gown above.
Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him ;
[Erit Falstaff. Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet Sir John. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband wonld meet Mrs. Page. [within.) What hoa, gossip Ford 1 him in this shape ; he cannot abide the old wo hat hoa !
man of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch ; Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, Sir John. forbade her my house, and hath threatened to (Exit Falstaff. beat her.
Mrs. Page Heaven guide him to thy hus-, follow the imaginations of your own heart: this band's cudge; and the devil guide his cudgel is jealousies. afterwards
Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming ? Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and. Ford. Help to search my house this one time; talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my intelligence.
extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that men to carry the basket again, to meet him at searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. the door with it, as they did last time.
Satisfy me once more; once more search with
Mrs. Ford. I'N first direct my men, what they you, and the old woman down; my husband
Ford. Old woman; what old woman's that? Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet ! we Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentcannot misuse him enough.
ford. We'll leave a proof by that which we will do, Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean Wives may be merry, and yet honest too : Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of We do not act that often jest and laugh ; errands, does she? We are simple men; we do 'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draf: not know what's brought to pass under the pro
. fession of fortune telling. She works by charms, 'Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with two Servants.
by spells, by the figure, and such daubery, as
this is ; beyond our element; we know nothing. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on -Come down, you witch, you hag you; come your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if down, I say. he bid you set it down, obey him; quickly, des- Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband ;-good patch.
(Eril. gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. 1 Serv. Come, come, take it np. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the Enter Falstaff in woman's clothes, led by knight again.
Mrs. Page. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much Mrs. Page. Come, mother Pratt, come, give lead.
me your hand. Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Ford. I'll prat her: Out of my door, you Hugh Evans.
witch! (beats him] you rag, you baggage, you Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, polecat, you ronyon l out! outI'll conjure you, have you any way then to unfool me again ?-1'll fortune-tell you.
(Exit Falstaff. Set down the basket, villain : Somebody call Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed ? I think you my wife you, youth in a basket, come out have killed the poor woman. here!-0, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it ;-'Tis a goodly a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now, credit for you. shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say !| Ford. Hang her, witch! come, come forth ; behold what honest clothes Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a you send forth to bleaching,
witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has & Page. Why, this passes ! master Ford, you are great peard : I spy a great peard under her not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. muffler. Eva. Why, this is lunatics ! this is mad as a
Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen ? I beseech mad dog!
you, follow ; see but the issue of my jealousy ; Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me indeed.
when I open again. Enter Mrs. Ford.
Page. Let's obey his humour a little further :
Come, gentlemen. Ford. So say I too, sir.-Come hither, mistress [Ereunt Page, Ford, Shallow, and Evans. Ford ; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most piti. modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the fully. jealous fool to her husband !-I suspect without Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass that he did not ; cause, mistress, do I?
he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and you suspect me in any dishonesty.
hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out.-service. Come forth, sirrah.
Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the [Pulls the clothes out of the basket. warrant of woman-hood, and the witness of a Page. This passes !
good conscience, pursue him with any further Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed ? let the revenge? clothes alone.
Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, Ford. I shall find you anon.
scared out of him ; if the devil have him not in Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! will you take up your fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, wife's clothes ? Come away,
I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Ford. Empty the basket, I say.
Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how Mrs. Ford. Why, man, why?
we have served him ? Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this scrape the figures out of your husband's brains basket : Why may he not be there again? In my If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuhouse I am sure he is: my intelligence is true; ous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we my jealousy is reasonable : Pluck me out all two will still be the ministers. the linen.
Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant they'll have him pubMrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall lickly shamed : and, methinks, there would be die a flea's death.
no period to the jest, should he not be publickly Page. Here's no man.
shamed. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Mrs. Page. Come to the forge with it, then Ford; this wrongs you.
shape it: I would not have things cool. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not!
SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn. Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
And three or four more of their growth, we'll
dress Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and of your horses: the duke himself will be to-mor white, row at court, and they are going to meet him. With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
Host What duke should that be comes so se And rattles in their hands; upon a sudden, cretly? I hear not of him in the court : Let me As Falstaff, she, and 1, are newly met, speak with the gentlemen; they speak English ? Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once Bard. Ay, sir, I'll call them to you.
With some diffused song ; upon their sight, Host. They shall have my horses : but I'll make We two in great amazedness will fly : them pay, I'll sauce them : they have had my Then let them all encircle him about, house a week at command: I have turned away And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight; my other guests : they must come off: I'll sauce and ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel, them; Come.
[Erount. In their so sacred paths he dares to tread,
In shape profane.
Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,
The truth being known, Eca. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a We'll all present ourselves : dishorn the spirit, foman as ever I did look upon.
And mock him home to Windsor.
The children must at an instant ?
Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. Era. I will teach the children their behaviours; Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what and I will be like a Jack-an-apes also, to burn thou wilt;
the knight with my taber. I rather will suspect the sun with cold, Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them Than thee with wantonness : now doth thy ho-vizards. nour stand,
Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all In him that was of late an heretic,
Finely attired in a robe of white.
'Tis well, 'tis well; no more. Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that Be not as extreme in submission,
time As in offence;
Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, But let our plot go forward : let our wives And marry her at Eton. (Aside.) Go send to Yet once again, to make us public sport, Falstaff straight. Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow, Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook ; Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it. He'll tell me all his purpose : Sure, he'll come. Ford. There is no better way than that they Mrs. Page. Fear not you that : Go get us prospoke of.
perties, Page. How! to send him word they'll meet him and tricking for our fairies. in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, come.
and fery honest knaveries. Evo You say, he has been thrown into the
(Ereunt Page, Ford, and Evans. rivers; and has been grievously, peaten, as an Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, old 'oman ; methinks there should be terrors in Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. him, that he should not come ; methinks his
(Exit Mrs. Ford. Besh is punished, he shall have no desires. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, Page. So think I too.
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. Mrs. Ford. Devize but how you'll use him That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot; when he comes,
And he my husband best of all affects :
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave
Enter Host and Simple.
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, The superstitious idle-headed eld
his standing bed, and truckle-bed; 'uis painted Received, and did deliver to our age,
about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth. new : Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do anthropophaginian unto thee : knock, I say. fear
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak; gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as Bat what of this !
slay, sir, till she come down : I come speak Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; with her, indeed. That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Host. Ha! a fat woman the knight may be Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his robbed: I'll call.--Bully knight! Bully Sir John? head.
speak from thy lungs military : Art thou there? Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. And in this shape: When you have brought him Fal. (above.) How now, mine host ? thither,
Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the What shall be done with him? what is yonr plot? coming down of thy fat woman: Let her deMrs. Page. That likewise have we thought scend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are upon and thus :
honourable; Fiel privacy ? fie