Host. Yea, in troth, my lord. Ch. Just. Pr'ythee, peace :-Pay her the debt vou owe her, and unpay the villany you have done with her: the one you may do with sterling money, and the other with current repen tance. Fal. My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. You call honourable boldness, impudent sauciness: if a man will make court'sy, and say nothing, he is virtuous: No my lord, my humble duty remembered, I will not be your suitor; I say to you, I do desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty employment in the king's affairs. Ch. Just. You speak as having power to do Ch. Just. Now, master Gower; What news? Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells. Host. Nay, you said so before. Fal. As I am a gentleman ;-Come, no more words of it. I Host. By this heavenly ground I tread on, must be fain to pawn both my plate, and the tapestry of my dining-chambers. Fal. Will you sup with me, master Gower? Ch. Just. What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John? Fal. Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that taught them me.-This is the right fencing grace, my lord; tap for tap, are so part fair. Ch. Just. Now the lord lighten thee! thou art a great fool. [Exeunt. SCENE 11. The same. Another Street. Enter Prince Henry and Poins. P. Hen. Trust me, I am exceeding weary. Poins. Is it come to that? I had thought, weariness durst not have attached one of so high blood. P. Hen. 'Faith, it does me; though it discolours the complexion of my greatness to ac knowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me to desire small beer? Poins. Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied, as to remember so weak a composi tion. P. Hen. Belike then my appetite was no princely got; for by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. But, indeed, these humble considerations make me out of love with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me, to remember thy name 7 or to know thy face to-morrow or to take note how many pair of silk stockings thou hast; viz. these and Fal. Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking: those that were the peach-colour'd ones? or to and for thy walls,-a pretty slight drollery, or bear the inventory of thy shirts; as, one for the story of the prodigal, or the German hunting superfluity, and one other for use 7-but that in water-work, is worth a thousand of these bed- the tennis-court-keeper knows better than I; for hangings, and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it it is a low ebb of linen with thee, when thou be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, and it were keepest not racket there; as thou hast not done not for thy humours, there is not a better wench a great while, because the rest of thy low-counin England. Go wash thy face, and draw thy tries have made a shift to eat up thy holland: action: Come, thou must not be in this humour and God knows, whether those that bawl out the with me; dost not know me? Come, come, ruins of thy linen, shall inherit his kingdom: but know thou wast set on to this. Host. 'Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles: i'faith I am loath to pawn my plate, in good earnest, la. Fal Let it alone; I'll make other shift: you'll be a fool still. Host. Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I hope you'll come to supper; you'll pay me all together. Fal. Will I live 7-Go with her, with her; [To Host. Will you have Doll Tear-sheet meet you at supper? the midwives say, the children are not in the P. Hen. Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins? Poins. Yes: and let it be an excellent good thing. P. Hen. It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine. Poins. Go to; I stand the push of your one Fal. No more words; let's have her. Page. Ch. Just. I have heard better news. Fal. I hope, my lord, all's well: What's the news, my ford? Ch. Just. Come all his forces back 7 Gow. No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred Are march'd up to my lord of Lancaster, Ch. Just. You shall have letters of me pre- Come, go along with me, good master Gower. Ch. Just. What's the matter? Gow. I must wait upon my good lord here; I thank you, good Sir John. Ch. Just. Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to take soldiers up in counties as you go. P. Hen. Why, I tell thee,-it is not meet that I should be sad, now my father is sick albeit I could tell thee, (as to one it pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend,) I could be sad, and sad indeed too. Poins. Very hardly upon such a subject. P. Hen. By this hand, thou think'st me as far in the devil's book, as thou and Falstaff, for obduracy and persistency: Let the end try the man. But I tell thee,-my heart bleeds inwardly, that my father is so sick and keeping such vile company as thou art, hath in reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow. Poins. The reason? P. Hen. What would'st thou think of me, if I should weep? Poins. I would think thee a most princely hypocrite. P. Hen. It would be every man's thought: and thou art a blessed fellow, to think as every man thinks; never a man's thoughts in the world keeps the road-way better than thine: every man would think me a hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most worshipful thought to think so? Poins. Why, because you have been so lewd, land so much engraffed to Falstaff. P. Hen. And to thee. Poins. By this light, I am well spoken of, I can hear it with my own ears: the worst that they can say of me is, that I am a second brother, and that I am a proper fellow of my hands; and those two things, I confess, I cannot help. By the mass, here comes Bardolph. P. Hen. And the boy that I gave Falstaff: he had him from me christian: and look, if the fat villain have not transformed him ape. Enter Bardolph and Page. Bard. 'Save your grace! P. Hen. And yours, most noble Bardolph! Bard. Come, you virtuous ass, [To the Page,] you bashful fool, must you be blushing? wherefore blush you now? What a maidenly man at arms are you become! Is it such a matter, to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead? Page. He called me even now, my lord, through a red lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the window at last, I spied his eyes; and, methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife's new petticoat, and peeped through. P. Hen. Hath not the boy profited? Bard. Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away! Page. Away, you rascally Althea's dream,away! P. Hen. Instruct us, boy: What dream, boy? Page. Marry, my lord, Althea dreamed she was delivered of a fire-brand; and therefore I call him her dream. P. Hen. Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank? Bard. At the old place, my lord; in Eastcheap. P. Hen. What company? Page. Ephesians, my lord; of the old church. P. Hen. Sup any women with him? Page. None, my lord, but old mistress Quickly and mistress Doll Tear-sheet. P. Hen. What pagan may that be? Page. A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's. P. Hen. Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull.-Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper? Poins. I am your shadow, my lord ;-I'll follow you. P. Hen. Sirrah, you boy,-and Bardolph ;no word to your master, that I am yet coins to town: There's for your silence. Bard. I have no tongue, sir. Page. And for mine, sir,-I will govern it. P. Hen. Fare ye well go. [Exeunt Bardolph and Page.]-This Doll Tear-sheet should be some road. P. Hen. A crown's worth of good interpretation. There it is, boy. [Gives him money. Poins. O, that this good blossom could be kept Poins. I warrant you, as common as the way from cankers!-Well, there is sixpence to pre-between Saint Alban's and London. serve thee. Bard. An you do not make him be hanged among you, the gallows shall have wrong, P. Hen. And how doth thy master, Bardolph ? Bard. Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's coming to town; there's a letter for you." Poins. Delivered with good respect.-And how doth the martlemas, your master? Bard. In bodily health, sir. P. Hen. How might we see Falstaff bestow himself to-night in his true colours, and not our selves be seen 7 Poins. Put on two leather jerkins, and aprons, and wait upon him at his table as drawers P. Hen. From a god to a bull? a heavy descension! it was Jove's case. From a prince to prentice? a low transformation! that shall be mine: for, in every thing, the purpose must Poins. Marry, the immortal part needs a phy-weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned. sician: but that moves not him; though that be sick, it dies not. P. Hen. I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my dog: and he holds his place: for, look you, how he writes. Poins. [Reads.] John Falstaff, knight,Every man must know that, as oft as he has occasion to name himself. Even like those that are kin to the king; for they never prick their finger, but they say, There is some of the king's blood spilt: How comes that? says he, that takes upon him not to conceive: the answer is as ready as a borrower's cap: I am the king's poor cousin, sir. P. Hen. Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet. But the letter:Poins. Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father, Harry, Prince of Wales, greeting.-Why, this is a certificate. P. Hen. Peace! a [Exeunt. SCENE III. Warkworth. Before the Castle. Enter Northumberland, Lady Northumberland, and Lady Percy. North. I pray thee, loving wife, and gentle daughter, Give even way unto my rough affairs; more: O miracle of men !-him did you leave Then join you with them, like a rib of steel As with the tide swell'd up unto its height, [Exeunt. sidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose; But, i' faith, you have drunk too much canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can say,-What's this? How do you now? Dol. Better than I was. Hem. Host. Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold. Look, here comes Sir John. Enter Falstaff, singing. Fal. When Arthur first in court.-Empty the jordan.-And was a worthy king; [Exit Drawer..] How now, mistress Doll? Host. Sick of a calm: yea, good sooth. Fal. So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick. Dol. You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me ? Fal. You make fat rascals, mistress Doll. Dol. I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not. Fal. If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that. Dol. Ay, marry; our chains, and our jewels. Fal. Your brooches, pearls, and owches;-for to serve bravely, is to come halting off, you know: To come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers bravely: Dol. Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself! Host. By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet, but you fall to some discord: you are both, in good troth, as rheumatick as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What the good year! one must bear, and that must be you: [To Doll.] you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel. Dol. Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bordeaux stuff in him: you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold.Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again, or no, there is nobody cares. Re-enter Drawer. Draw. Sir, ancient Pistol's below, and would A Room in the Boar's Head Tavern in East- speak with you, 1 Draw. Why then, cover, and set them down: And see if thou can'st find out Sneak's noise: mistress Tear-sheet would fain hear some musick. Despatch :-The room where they supped is too hot; they'll come in straight. Dol. Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come hither: it is the foul-mouth'dst rogue in England. Host. If he swagger, let him not come here; no, by my faith; I must live amongst my neigh bours; I'll no swaggerers: I am in good na and fame with the very best:-Shut the door:there comes no swaggerers here: I have not lived all this while to have swaggering now :-shut the door, I pray you. Fal. Dost thou hear, hostess ?Host. 'Pray you, pacify yourself, Sir John; there comes no swaggerers here. Fal. Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient. Host. Tilly-fally, Sir John, never tell me ; your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before master Tisick, the deputy, the other day; and, as he said to me,-it was no longer ago than 2 Draw. Sirrah, here will be the prince, and Wednesday last,-Neighbour Quickly, says he; master Poins anon: and they will put on two-master Dumb, our minister, was by then;of our jerkins, and aprons; and Sir John must Neighbour Quickly, says he, receive those that not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word. are civil; for, saith he, you are in an ill name; 1 Draw. By the mass, here will be old utis: It-now he said so, I can tell whereupon; for, will be an excellent stratagem. 2 Draw. I'll see if I can find out Sneak. [Exit. Enter Hostess and Doll Tear-sheet. says he, you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive: Receive, says he, no swaggering companions.There comes none here;-you Host. I' faith, sweet heart, methinks now you would bless you to hear what he said:-no, I'll are in an excellent good temperality: your pul-Ino swaggerers. Fal. He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, he; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound: he will not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.-Call him up, drawer. Host. Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater: But I do not love swaggering; by my troth, I am the worse, when one says swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you. Dol. So you do, hostess. Host. Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers. Enter Pistol, Bardolph, and Page. Pist. 'Save you, Sir John! Bard. Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to a brawl anon. Pist. Die men, like dogs; give crowns like Si fortuna me tormenta, sperato me contenta.- Fal. Pistol, I would be quiet. Fal. Welcome, ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack: do you dis-Pist. Sweet knight, I kiss thy nief! What! we charge upon mine hostess. have seen the seven stars. Pist. I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets. Fal. She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend her. Host. Come, I'll drink no proofs, nor no bullets: I'll drink no more than will do me good for no man's pleasure, I. Pist. Then to you, mistress Dorothy; I will charge you. Dol. Thrust him down stairs; I cannot endure such a fustian rascal. Pist. Thrust him down stairs! know we not Fal. Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove- Pist. What! shall we have incision? shall we imbrue ?- [Snatching up his sword. cheat-Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days! Dol. Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy compa- Pist. I will murder your ruff for this. Host. No, good captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain. Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds [Drawing, and driving Pistol out. Host. Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons. [Excunt Pistol and Bardolph. Dol. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal is gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, Dol. Captain! thou abominable damned cheat-you. er, art thou not ashamed to be called-captain? Host. Are you not hurt i' the groin? methought, If captains were of my mind, they would trun- he made a shrewd thrust at your belly. cheon you out, for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain, you slave! for what? for tearing a poor whore's ruff in a bawdy house ?--He a captain! Hang him, rogue! He lives upon mouldy stewed Fal. A rascal! to brave me! prunes, and dried cakes. A captain! these villains will make the word captain as odious as poor ape, how thou sweat'st! Come, let me Dol. Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, the word occupy; which was an excellent good wipe thy face;-come on, you whoreson chops: word before it was ill-assorted; therefore, cap-Ah, rogue! i' faith I love thee. Thou art as tains had need look to it. Bard. 'Pray thee, go down, good ancient. Fal. Hark thee hither, mistress Doll. Pist. Not I: tell thee what, corporal Bardolph; I could tear her :-I'll be revenged on her. Page. 'Pray thee, go down. Pist. I'll see her damned first;-to Pluto's damned lake, to the infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I. Down! down, dogs! down, faitors! Have we not Hiren here'? Host. Good captain Peesel, be quiet; it is very late, i'faith: I beseech you now, aggravate your choier. Pist. These be good humours, indeed! Shall And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia, Re-enter Bardolph. Fal. Have you turned him out of doors? hurt him, sir, in the shoulder. Bard. Yes, sir. The rascal's drunk: you have valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the nine Fal. A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in worthies. Ah, villain! a blanket. Dol. Do, if thou darest for thy heart: if thou dost, I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets Enter Musick. Page. The musick is come, sir. Fal. Let them play-Play, sirs;-Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me like quicksilver. Dol. I' faith, and thou followedst him like a church. Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting o' days, and foining o' nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven? Enter behind, Prince Henry and Poins, disguised like drawers. Fal. Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a Host. By my troth, captain, these are very death's head: do not bid me remember mine end. bitter words. Dol. Sirrah, what humour is the prince of? Fal. A good shallow young fellow: he would P. Hen. I shall drive you then to confess the have made a good pantler, he would have chip-wilful abuse; and then I know how to handle ped bread well. you. Fal. No abuse, Hal, on mine honour; no abuse. P. Hen. Not! to díspraise me; and call me pantler, and bread-chipper, and I know not what? Fal. No abuse, Hal. Dol. They say, Poins has a good wit. Fal. He a good wit? hang him, baboon, his wit is as thick as Tewkesbury mustard; there is no more conceit in him, than is in a mallet. Dol. Why does the prince love him so then? Fal Because their legs are both of a bigness 7 And he plays at quoits well; and eats conger Fal. No abuse, Ned, in the world; honest and fennel; and drinks off candles' ends for Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, flap-dragons: and rides the wild mare with the that the wicked might not fall in love with him: boys; and jumps upon joint-stools; and swears in which doing, I have done the part of a with a good grace; and wears his boot very careful friend, and a true subject, and thy father smooth, like unto the sign of the leg and breeds is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal;no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such none, Ned, none;-no, boys, none. other gambol faculties he hath, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois. P. Hen. Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off? Poins. Let's beat him before his whore. P. Hen. Look, if the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot. Poins. Is it not strange, that desire should so many years outlive performance? Fal Kiss me, Doll. P. Hen. Satarn and Venus this year in conjunction what says the almanack to that? Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper. Fal. Thou dost give me flattering busses. Dol. Nay, truly: I kiss thee with a most constant heart. Fal. I am old, I am old. Dol. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them all. Fal. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money on Thursday: thou shalt have a cap to-morrow. A merry song, come; it grows late, we'll to bed. Thou'lt forget me, when I am gone. Dol. By my troth, thou'lt set me a weeping, an thou sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return.-Well, hearken the end. Fal. Some sack, Francis. P. Hen. Poins. Anon, anon, sir. [Advancing. Fal. Ha! a bastard son of the king's 7-And art not thou Poins his brother? P. Hen. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead? Fal. A better than thou; I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer. P. Hen. Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears. Host. O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth, welcome to London-Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from Wales? Fal. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome. [Leaning his hand upon Doll. Dol. How! you fat fool, I scorn you. Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge, and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat. P. Hen. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now, before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman? Host. 'Blessing o' your good heart! and so she 18, by my troth. Fal. Didst thou hear me? P. Hen. See now, whether pure fear, and entire cowardice, doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us? Is she of the wicked? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is the boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked? Poins. Answer, thou dead elm, answer. Fal. The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable; and his face is Lucifer's privykitchen, where he doth nothing but roast maltworms. For the boy,-there is a good angel about him; but the devil outbids him too. P. Hen. For the women, Fal. For one of them,-she is in hell already, and burns, poor soul! For the other,-I owe her money; and whether she be damn'd for that, I know not. Host. No, I warrant you. Fal. No, I think thou art not; I think, thou art quit for that: Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law; for the which, 1 think, thou wilt howl. Host. All victuallers do so: What's a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent? P. Hen. You, gentlewoman, Dol. What says your grace Fal. His grace says that which his flesh rebels against. Host. Who knocks so loud at door? look to the door there, Francis Enter Peto. P. Hen. Peto, how now? what news? So idly to profane the precious time; [Exeunt Prince Henry, Poins, Peto, How now? what's the matter? Bard. You must away to court, sir, presently; a dozen captains stay at door for you. Fal. Pay the musicians, sirrah. (To the Page.] P. Hen. Yes; and you knew me, as you did-Farewell, hostess ;-farewell, Doll.-You see, when you ran away by Gads-hill: you knew, I was at your back; and spoke it on purpose, to try my patience. Fal. No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing. my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after: the undeserver may sleep, when the nian of action is called on. Farewell, good wenches: If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go. |