. Poins. Down fell their hose. Fal. Began to give me ground: But I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. P. Hen. O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! the court at door, would speak with you: he says he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at mid- Fal. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves, in Kendal green, came at my back, and let drive at me ;-for it was so dark, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy hand. P. Hen. These lies are like the father that Fal. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Erit. begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpa- P. Hen. Now, sirs; by'r lady, you fought fair; ble. Why, thou clay-brained guts: thou knotty--so did you, Peto;-so did you, Bardolph; pated fool; thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tal- you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, low-keech,you will not touch the true prince, no,-fie! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others ran. P. Hen. Tell me now in earnest, How came Falstaff's sword so hacked? Ful. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth? P. Hen. Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou could'st not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason; What sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! if reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin: this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh; Fal. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, bull's pizzle, you stock-fish, -O, for breath to utter what is like thee !-you tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow case, you vile standing tuck; P. Hen. Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.. Poins. Mark, Jack. Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and said, he would swear truth out of England, but he would make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded us to do the like. Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear. grass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and to swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore: Thou hast fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away; What instinct hadst thou for it? Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors? do Bard. What think you they portend? P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth.Mark now, how plain a tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. four: and, with a word, outfaced you from your How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own here in the house:-and, Falstaff, you carried knee? your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dex- Fal. My own knee? when I was about thy terity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done; and then say, it was in fight? What trick, what device, what starting hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame ? Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack; What trick hast thou now? Fal. By the Lord, I knew ye, as well as he that made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters: Was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest, I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee, during my life; I, for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore ? P. Hen. Content ;-and the argument shall be, thy running away. Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Enter Hostess. Host. My lord the prince, P. Hen. How now, my lady the hostess ? what say'st thou to me? Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of waist; 1 could have crept into an alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook,-What, a plague, call you him? Poins. O, Glendower. Fal. Owen, Owen; the same;-and his sonin-law, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o' horseback up a hill perpendicular. P. Hen. He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Fal. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Fal. O' horseback, ye cuckoo! but, afoot, he will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more; Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackarel. P. Hen. Why then, 'tis like, if there come a the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month? buy maidenheads as they buy hob-nails, by the P. Hen. Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou hundreds. stand for me, and I'll play my father. Fal. Depose me if thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker, or a poulter's hare. P. Hen. Well, here I am set. Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like, we shall have good trading that way. But, tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afeard? thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again, as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art not thou horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it P. Hen. Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct. Fal. Well, thou wilt be horribly ehid to-morrow, when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. Fal. And here I stand :-judge, my masters. Fal. 'Sblood, my lord, they are false:-nay, P. Hen. Do thou stand for my father, and exa-forth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently car. mine me upon the particulars of my life. Fal. Shall I content:-This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. ried away from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness of a fat old man: a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch P. Hen. Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies, that thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag precious rich crown, for a pitiful bald crown! of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.-Give gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in me a cup of sack, to make mine eyes look red, years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack that it may be thought I have wept: for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.. P. Hen. Well, here is my leg. and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany wherein villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, Fal. And here is my speech:-Stand aside, but in nothing? Host. This is excellent sport, i' faith. Host. O, the father, how he holds his countenance! Fal. For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen, For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. Host. O rare he doth it as like one of these harlotry players, as I ever see. Fal. I would, your grace would take me with you; Whom means your grace? P. Hen. That villanous abominable misleader Fal. But to say, I know more harm in him than in myself, were to say more than I know. That he is old, (the more the pity,) his white hairs do witness it: but that he is (saving your reverence) a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. Fal. Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle- If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the brain-Harry, I do not only marvel where thou wicked! If to be old and merry be a sin, then spendest thy time, but also how thou art accom- many an old host that I know, is damned: it panied for though the camomile, the more it to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the kine are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins; but for thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true word, partly my own opinion; but chiefly, a Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therevillanous trick of thine eye, and a foolish hang fore more valiant, being as he is, old Jack Faling of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If staff, banish not him thy Harry's company; then thou be son to me, here lies the point; banish plump Jack, and banish all the world. Why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? P. Hen. I do, I will. [A knocking heard. Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher, and eat blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take purses? a question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also:-And yet there is a virtuous man, whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. P. Hen. What manner of man, an it like your majesty'? [Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph. Re-enter Bardolph, running. Bard, O, my lord, my lord; the sheriff, with a most monstrous watch, is at the door. Fal. Out, you rogue! play out the play; 1 have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff. Re-enter Hostess, hastily. Host. O Jesu, my lord! my lord!— Fal. Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: What's the matter? Host. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house; Shall I let them in? Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold, a counterfeit thou art essentially mad, without seeming so. P. Hen. And thou a natural coward, without instinct. Fal. A good portly man i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r-lady, inclining to threescore: And now I remember me, his name is Falstaff; Fal. 1 deny your major: if you will deny the if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If not a cart as well as another man, a plague on then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the my bringing up! I hope, I shall as soon be fruit oy the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, strangled with a halter as another. there is virtue in that Falstaff: him keep with, P. Hen. Go hide thee behind the arras;-the P. Hen. The man, I do assure you, is not here; men, He shall be answerable; and so, farewell. P. Hen. I think it is good morrow: Is it not? Poins. Falstaff!-fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. P. Hen. Hark, how hard he fetches breath: Search his pockets. [Poins searches.] What hast thou found? Poins. Nothing but papers, my lord. P. Hen Let's see what they be read them. Item, Sauce, 4d. Item, Sack, two gallons, 58. 8d. Item, Anchovies, and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. P. Hen. O monstrous! but one halfpenny- ACT III. SCENE I. Bangor. A Room in the Archdeacon's House. Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Mortimer, and Glendower. Mort. These promises are fair, the parties sure, And our induction full of prosperous hope. The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, Hot. And I say, the earth was not of my mind, Hot. O, then the earth shook to see the heavens And not in fear of your nativity. Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth Within her womb; which, for enlargement striving, Shakes the old beldame earth, and topples down Cousin, of many men I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? I'll to dinner. Mort. Peace, cousin Percy you will make Glend. I can call spirits from the vasty deep. The devil. Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil, By telling truth; Tell truth, and shame the devil. If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I'll be sworn, I have power to shame him O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the devil. No more of this unprofitable chat. Glend. Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke Against my power: thrice from the banks of Hot. Lord Mortimer,-and cousin Glen-And sandy-bottom'd Severn, have I sent him, dower, Bootless home, and weather-beaten back. How 'scapes he agues, in the devil's name? our right, According to our three-fold order ta'en? To Owen Glendower: and, dear coz, to you Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentle men. Glend. A shorter time shall send me to you, lords, And in my conduct shall your ladies come: For there will be a world of water shed, In quantity equals not one of yours: See, how this river comes me cranking in, It shall not wind with such a deep indent, Glend. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see Mort. Yea, Mort. Fie, cousin Percy! how yon cross my Hot. I cannot choose: sometimes he angers me, A clip-wing'd griffin, and a moulten raven, But mark'd him not a word. O, he's as tedious Mort. In faith, he is a worthy gentleman; Wor. In faith, my lord, you are too wilful- And since your coming hither, have done enough But mark, how he bears his course, and runs You must needs learn, lord, to amend this fault: me up With like advantage on the other side; here, And on this north side win this cape of land; Hot. I'll have it so; a little charge will do it. Will not you? Glend. No, nor you shall not. Let me not understand you then,| Speak it in Welsh. Though sometimes it show greatness, courage, blood, (And that's the dearest grace it renders you,) Hot. Well, I am school'd; good manners be Here come our wives, and let us take our leave. Glend. I can speak English, lord, as well as My wife can speak no English, I no Welsh. Glend. My daughter weeps; she will not part with you. She'll be a soldier too, she'll to the wars. Shall follow in your conduct speedily. One that no persuasion can do good upon. [Lady M. speaks to Mortimer in Welsh. Mort. I understand thy looks: that pretty Welsh Which thou pourest down from these swelling heavens, I am too perfect in: and, but for shame, Mort. O, I am ignorance itself in this. He'll breed revengement and a scourge for me; you down, And rest your gentle head upon her lap, By that tine will our book, I think, be drawn. And those musicians that shall play to you, Lady P. Go, ye giddy goose. [Glendower speaks some Welsh words, and And 'tis no marvel, he's so humourous. P. Then should you be nothing but musical; for you are altogether governed by humours. Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh. Hot. I had rather hear Lady, my brach, howl Lady P. Would'st thou have thy head broken? Lady P. Then be still. Hot. Neither; 'tis a woman's fault. [A Welsh Song sung by Lady M. Lady P. I will not sing. Hot. "Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be redbreast teacher. And the indentures be drawn, I'll away within these two hours; and so come in when ye will. [Exit. Glend. Come, come, Lord Mortimer; you are as slow, As hot Lord Percy is on fire to go. Make me believe,-that thou art only mark'd Such barren pleasures, rude society, Quit ali offences with as clear excuse, At thy affections, which do hold a wing And then I stole all courtesy from heaven, By this our book's drawn; we'll but seal, and Of every beardless vain comparative : then Grew a companion to the common streets, That being daily swallow'd by men's eyes, Heard, not regarded; seen but with such eyes, Such as is bent on sunlike majesty, down, Slept in his face, and render'd such aspect |