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church according to custom; but the Protestants briskly attacked him and his party, and broke into it by force.
Last night, between seven and eight, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough arrived at Court.
From my own Apartment. The present great captains of the age, the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene, having been the subject of the discourse of the last company I was in; it has naturally led me into a consideration of Alexander and Cæsar, the two greatest names that ever appeared before this century. In order to enter into their characters, there needs no more but examining their behaviour in parallel circumstances. It must be allowed, that they had an equal greatness of soul; but Cæsar's was more corrected and allayed by a mixture of prudence and circumspection. This is seen conspicuously in one particular in their histories, wherein they seem to have shewn exactly the difference of their tempers. When Alexander, after a long course of victories, would still have led his soldiers farther from home, they unanimously refused to follow him. We meet with the like behaviour in Cæsar's army in the midst of his march against Ariovistus. Let us therefore observe the conduct of our two generals in so nice an affair : And here we find Alexander at the head of his army, upbraiding them with their cowardice, and meanness of spirit; and in the end telling them plainly he would go forward himself, though not a man followed him. . This shewed, indeed, an excessive bravery; but how would the commander have come off, if the speech had not succeeded, and the soldiers had taken him at his word? The project seems of a piece with Mr. Bays's in “The Rehearsal,' who, to gain a clap in his prologue, comes out with a terrible fellow in a fur-cap following him, and tells his audience, if they would not like his play, he would lie down and have his head struck off. If this gained a clap, all was well; but if not, there was nothing left but for the executioner to do his office. But Cæsar would not leave the success of his speech to such uncertain events: he shews his men the unreasonableness of their fears in an obliging manner, and concludes, that if none else would march along with him he would go himself with the tenth
legion, for he was assured of their fidelity and valour, though all the rest forsook him; not but that, in all probability, they were as much against the march as the rest. The result of all was very natural; the tenth legion, fired with the praises of their general, send thanks to him for the just opinion he entertains of them; and the rest, ashamed to be outdone, assure him, that they are as ready to follow where he pleases to lead them, as any other part
of the army
N° 7. TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1709.
Quicquid agunt homines
-nostri est farrago libelli..Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream,
Our motley paper seizes for its theme. Popi. is so just an observation, that mocking is catching!
that I am become an unhappy instance of it, and am (in the same manner that I have represented Mr. Partridge*) myself a dying man, in comparison of the vigour with which I first set out in the world. Had it been otherwise, you may be sure I would not have pretended to have given for news, as I did last Saturday, a diary of the siege of Troy. But man is a creature very inconsistent with himself: the greatest heroes are sometimes fearful; the sprightliest wits at some hours dull; and the greatest politicians on some occasions whimsical. But I shall not pretend to palliate or excuse the matter; for I find by a calculation of my own nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable wit longer than two minutes after twelve of the clock at night, between the eighteenth and nineteenth of the next month: for which space of time you may still expect to hear from me, but no longer; except you will transmit to me the occurrences you meet with relating to your amours, or any other subject within the rules by which I have proposed to walk. "If any gentleman or lady sends to Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. at Mr. Morphew's near Stationers'-hall, by the penny-post, the grief or joy of their soul, what they
*" This man was a shoemaker in Covent-garden in 1680, yet styled himself Physician to his Majesty, in 1682. But, though he was one of the sworn physicians, he never attended the court, nor received any salary.”
think fit of the matter shall be related in colours as much to their advantage, as those in which Gervas* has drawn the agreeable Chloe. But since, without such assistance, I frankly confess, and am sensible, that I have not a month's wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my sound health and senses, to make my will and testament; which I do in manner and form following:
Imprimis, I give to the stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a security for the trusts daily reposed in them, all my real estate : which I do hereby vest in the said body of worthy citizens for ever.
Item, Forasmuch as it is very hard to keep land in repair without ready cash, I do, out of my personal estate, bestow the bear-skin,t which I have frequently lent to several societies about this town, to supply their necessities; I say, I give also the said bear-skin as an immediate fund to the said citizens for ever.
Item, I do hereby appoint a certain number of the said citizens to take all the custom-house or customary oaths concerning all goods imported by the whole city; strictly directing that some select members, and not the whole number of a body corporate, should be perjured.
Item, I forbid all n-as and persons of qty to watch bargains near and about the Exchange, to the diminution and wrong of the said stock-jobbers.
Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a manner as any will can appear, until it is explained by the learned, I have disposed of my real and personal estate: but, as I am an adept, I have by birth an equal right to give also an indefeasible title to my endowments and qualifications, which I do in the following manner :
Item, I give my chastity to all virgins who have withstood their market. Item, I give my courage among all who are ashamed of
* Jervas. + Stock-jobbers, who contract for a transfer of stock which they do not possess, are called sellers of bear-skins; and universally whoever sells what he does not possess, is said proverbially to sell the bear's-skin while the bear runs in the woods.
In the language of Exchange-alley, Bears signify those who buy stock which they cannot receive, or sell stock which they have not. Those who pay money for what they purchase, or who sell stock which they really have, are called Bulls.
their distressed friends, all sneakers in assemblies, and men who shew valour in common conversation.
Item, I give my wit (as rich men give to the rich) among such as think they have enough already. And in case they shall not accept of the legacy, I give it to Bentivolio* to defend his works from time to time, as he shall think fit to publish them.
Item, I bestow my learning upon the honorary members of the Royal Society.
Now for the disposal of this body.
As these eyes must one day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this heart one day pant no more for her indignation : that is to say, since this body must be earth; I shall commit it to the dust in a manner suitable to my character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute, whether there is
any such real person as Isaac Bickerstaff or not, I shall excuse all
appear what they really are, from coming to my funeral. But all those who are, in their
way of life, personæ,t as the Latins have it, persons assumed, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that solemnity.
The body shall be carried by six watchmen, who are never seen in the day.
Item, The pall shall be held by the six inost known pretenders to honesty, wealth, and power, who are not possessed of any of them. The two first, a half lawyer, and a complete justice. The two next, a chemist, and a projector. The third couple, a treasury-solicitor, and a small courtier.
To make my funeral (what that solemnity, when done to common men, really is in itself) a very farce, and since all mourners are mere actors on these occasions, I shall desire those who are professedly such to attend mine. I humbly, therefore, beseech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my widow. When she swoons away at the church porch, I appoint the merry Sir John Falstaff, and the gay Sir Harry Wildair, to support her. I desire Mr. Pinkethman to follow in the habit of a cardinal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a privy-counsellor. To make up the rest of the appearance, I desire all the ladies from the balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be wives and wi* Dr. Richard Bentley.
dows themselves. I invite all, who have nothing else to do, to accept of gloves and scarves.
Thus, with the great Charles V. of Spain, I resign the glories of this transitory world: yet, at the same time, to shew you my indifference, and that my desires are not too much fixed upon any thing, I own to you, I am as willing to stay as to go: therefore leave it in the choice of my gentle readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.
White's Chocolate-house, April 25. Easter-day being a time when you cannot well meet with any but humble adventurers ; and there being such a thing as low gallantry, as well as low comedy, Colonel Ramble* and myself went early this morning into the fields, which were strewed with shepherds and shepherdesses, but indeed of a different turn from the simplicity of those of Arcadia. Every hedge was conscious of more than what the representations of enamoured swains admit of. While we were surveying the crowd around us, we saw at a distance a company coming towards Pancras church; but though there was not much disorder, we thought we saw the figure of a man stuck through with a sword, and at every step ready to fall, if a woman by his side had not supported him ; the rest followed two and two. When we came nearer this appearance, who should it be but Monsieur Guardeloop, mine and Ramble's French tailor, attended by others, leading one of Madam Depingle's maids to the church, in order to their espousals.It was his sword tucked so high above his waist, and the circumflex which persons of his profession take in their walking, that made him appear at a distance wounded and falling. But, the morning being rainy, methought the march to this wedding was but too lively a picture of wedlock itself. They seemed both to have a month's mind to make the best of their way single; yet both tugged arm in arm : and when they were in a dirty way, he was but deeper in the mire, by endeavouring to pull out his companion, and yet without helping her. The bridegroom's feathers in his hat all drooped; one of his shoes had lost a heel. In short, he was in his whole person and dress so
* Probably Colonel Brett.