Abbildungen der Seite
PDF
EPUB
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

*not I; here it has coft me the Lord knows "what in doctors ftuff already, without your being a pin the better for it; and "now you must lug me and all the family "to Brighthelmstone." "Why, my dear," faid the lady, "you know Dr. "tells me, there is nothing will do my fpirits fo much good as bathing in the "fea," "The fea!" faid the old gentleman; "why then could not you have "taken lodgings at Gravefend, where I might have easily come in the evening, "and gone back time enough for 'Change "in the morning?" The good lady told him that he had no tafte, that people of the beft fashion went to Brighthelmitone, and that it was high time their girl fhould fee a little of the world. To this miss afsented, by declaring, that indeed fhe had been no where but to the play, and the caftle-concert, fince the had left the boarding-school. Both the females then asked me an hundred queftions, fuch as, whether the fea looked green, and how much bigger it was than the Thames,-till the maid gave them notice that every thing was put up. Accordingly, I faw them into the coach; and the old lady did not forget to take the pug-dog with her, who, the declared, hould go every morning into the fea, as she had been told it was good for the mange.

fion of jigging it to the delightful mufic of country fcrapers,-to fay nothing of the calmer and lefs fudorific exercife of the card-table. But what is most ridiculous, is the attention paid to dress in these public retirements, where a gentleman or a lady is expected to appear as gay as at court, or at Ranelagh; confequently, as foon as you arrive at them, you have bills civilly thruft into your hands, acquainting you, that there is fuch an one, a milliner, and fuch an one, an hair-dreffer, from London. I am a fincere well-wisher to your paper, &c.

ANTHONY FRESHWATER.

B. Thornton.

§ 129. Character of a mighty good Kind of Man.

Sir,

I have always thought your mighty good kind of man to be a very good-for-nothing fellow; and whoever is determined to think otherwise, may as well pass over what follows.

The good qualities of a mighty good kind of man (if he has any) are of the negative kind. He does very little harm; but you never find him do any good. He is very decent in appearance, and takes care to have all the externals of fenfe and virtue; but you never perceive the heart concerned in any word, thought, or action. Not many love him, though very few think ill of him: to him every body is his " Dear Sir." though he cares not a farthing for any body but himself. If he writes to you, though you have but the flighteft acquaintance with him, he begins with "Dear Sir," and ends with, "I am, good Sir, your ever fincere and affectionate friend, and moft obedient humble fervant." You may generally find him in company with older perfons than himself, but always with richer. He does not talk much; but he has a "Yes," or a "True, Sir," or You ob"ferve very right, Sir," for every word that is faid; which, with the old gentry, that love to hear themselves talk, makes him pafs for a mighay fenfible and difcerning, as well as a mighty good kind of man. It is fo familiar to him to be agreeable, and he has got fuch a habit of affenting to every thing advanced in company, that he does it without the trouble of thinking what he is about. I have known fuch a one, after having approved an observation made by one of the company, affent with “What

I cannot but agree with my city friend, that lodgings at Gravefend would anfwer all the common purposes of a jaunt to Brighthelmftone; for though one pretence for vifiting thefe places is, going into the country, people in fact do not leave town, but rather carry London with them. Their way of living is exactly the fame as here, and their amufements not very different. They fuffer themselves to be mewed up in a little dirty lodging, with not half fo good" a profpect, or fo good an air, as in the high road at Iflington or Knightsbridge. Their mornings are drauled away, with perhaps a faunter upon the beach, which commands the delightful view of half a dozen hoys, and as many fishing-fmacks; and if it was not for a lounge at the coffee-houfe, or the bookfeller's, they would be at a lofs how to fill up the vacant hours till dinner. The evenings would hang no less heavy on their hands, but for the ingenious contrivance of the affembly-room; where, instead of enjoying the cool temperature of the open air, they choose to fwelter in a crowd, and be almoft fuffocated with their own breaths. Add to this the refreshing fummer diver.

[blocks in formation]

is

very

"you fay is very juft," to an oppofite fentiment from another: and I have frequent ly made him contradict himfelf five times in a minute. As the weather is a principal and favourite topic of a mighty good kind of man, you may make him agree, that it hot, very cold, very cloudy, a fine fun fhine, or it rains, fuows, hails, or freezes, all in the fame hour. The wind may be high, or not blow at all; it may be Eaft, Weft, North, or South, South East and by Eat, or in any point in the compafs, or any point not in the compafs, juft as you pleafe. This, in a stage-coach, makes him a mighty agreeable companion, as well as a mighty good kind of man. He is fo civil, and fo well-bred, that he would keep you flanding half an hour uncovered, in the rain, rather than he would ftep into your chariot before you: and the dinner is in danger of growing cold, if you attempt to place him at the upper end of the table. He would not fuffer a glafs of wine to approach his lips, till he had drank the health of half the company, and would fooner rife hungry from table, than not drink to the other half before dinner is over, left he fhould offend any by his neglect. He never forgets to hob or nob with the lady of the family, and by no means omits to tcaft her fire-fide. He is fure to take notice of little matter and mifs, when they appear after dinner, and is very affiduous to win their little hearts by almonds and raifins, which he never fails to carry about him for that purpose. This of courfe recommends him to mamma's efleem: and he is not only a mighty good kind of man, but fhe is certain he would make a mighty good hufband.

No man is half fo happy in his friend, fhips. Almost every one he names is a friend of his, and every friend a mighty good kind of man. I had the honour of walking lately with one of thofe good creatures from the Royal Exchange to Piccadilly; and, I believe, he pulled off his hat to every third perfon we met, with a "How do you do, my dear Sir!" though, I found he hardly knew the names of five of thefe intimate acquaintances. I was highly entertained with the greeting between my companion, and another mighty good kind of man that we met in the Strand. You would have thought they were brothers, and that they had not feen one another for many years, by their mutual expreffions of joy at meeting. They both talked together, not with a defign of op

pofing each other, but through eagerness to approve what each other faid. I caught them frequently, crying, "Yes," toge ther, and ́« "You are very

very true," "right, my dear Sir;" and at last, having exhaufted their favourite topic of, what news, and the weather, they concluded with each begging to have the vait pleasure of an agreeable evening with the other very foon; but parted without naming either time or place.

I remember, at Westminster, a mighty good kind of boy, though he was generally hated by his fchool-fellows, was the darling of the dame where he boarded, as by his means the knew who did all the mifchief in the house. He always finished his exercife before he went to play: you could never find a falfe concord in his profe, or a falfe quality in his verse; and he made huge amends for the want of fenfe and fpirit in his compofitions, by having very few grammatical errors. If you could not call him a scholar, you must allow he took great pains not to appear a dunce. At the university he never failed attending his tutor's lectures, was conftant at prayers night and morning, never miffed gates, or the hall at meal-times, was regular in his academical exercifes, and took pride in appearing, on all occafions, with maters of arts, and he was happy, beyond measure, in being acquainted with fome of the heads of houfes, who were glad through him to know what paffed among the under-graduates. Though he was not reckoned, by the college, to be a Newton, a Locke, or a Bacon, he was univerfally eftcemed by the fenior part, to be a mighty good kind of young man; and this even placid turn of mind has recommended him to no fmall preferment in the church.

We may obferve, when thefe mighty good kind of young men come into the world, their attention to appearances and externals, beyond which the generality of people feldom examine, procures them a much better fubfiitence, and a more reputable fituation in life, than ever their abilities, or their merit, could otherwise entitle them to. Though they are feldom advanced very high, yet, if fuch a one is in orders, he gets a tolerable living, or is appointed tutor to a dance of quality, or is made companion to him on his travels; and then, on his return, he is a mighty polite, as well as a mighty good kind of man. If he is to be a lawyer, his being fuch a mighty good kind of man will make the attornies fup

ply

ply him with special pleadings or bills and anfwers to draw, as he is fufficiently qualified by his flow genius to be a dray-horfe of the law. But though he can never hope to be a chancellor, or an archbishop, yet, if he is admitted of the medical college in Warwick-lane, he will have a good chance to be at the top of their profeffion, as the fuccefs of the faculty depends chiefly on old women, fanciful and hysterical young ones, whimfical men, and young children; among the generality of whom, nothing recommends a perfon fo much as his being a mighty good kind of man.

I muit own, that a good man, and a man of fenfe, certainly fhould have every thing that this kind of man has; yet, if he poffeffes no more, much is wanting to finish and complete his character. Many are deceived by French paite: it has the luftre and brilliancy of a real diamond: but the want of hardness, the effential property of this valuable jewel, difcovers the counterfeit, and fhews it to be of no intrinfic value whatsoever. If the head and the heart are left out in the character of any man, you might as well look for a perfect beauty in a female face without a nofe, as to expect to find a valuable man without fenfibility and understanding. But it often happens, that thefe mighty good kind of men are wolves in fheep's clothing; that their want of parts is fupplied by an abundance of cunning, and the outward behaviour and deportment calculated to entrap the fhortfighted and unwary.

Where this is not the cafe, I cannot belp thinking that these kind of men are no better than blanks in the creation: if they are not unjuft ftewards, they are certainly to be reckoned unprofitable fervants; and I would recommend, that this harmlefs, inoffenfive, infipid, mighty good kind of man should be married to a character of a very different ftamp, the mighty good fort of woman--an account of whom I hall give you in a day or two.

$130.

I am your humble fervant, &c.
B. Thornton.
Character of a mighty good Sort
of Woman.

I fuppofe the female part of my readers are very impatient to fee the character of a mighty good fort of a woman; and doubtlefs every mighty good kind of man is anxious to know what fort of a wife I have picked out for him.

The mighty good fort of woman is civil

without good-breeding, kind without good-nature, friendly without affection, and devout without religion. She wishes to be thought every thing fhe is not, and would have others looked upon to be every thing the really is. If you will take her word, the detefts fcandal from her heart: yet, if a young lady happens to be talked of as being too gay, with a fignificant fhrug of her fhoulders, and fhake of her head, the confeffes, "It is too true, and the whole "town fays the fame thing." She is the moft compaffionate creature living, and is ever pitying one perfon, and forry for another. She is a great dealer in buts, and ifs, and half fentences, and does more mifchief with a may be, and I'll say no more, than fhe could do by fpeaking out. confirms the truth of any story more by her fears and doubts, than if the had given proof pofitive; though he always concludes with a "Let us hope otherwife."

She

One principal bufinefs of a mighty good fort of woman is the regulation of families: and the extends a vifitatorial power over all her acquaintance. She is the umpire in all differences between man and wife, which he is fure to foment and increase by pretending to fettle them; and her great impartiality and regard for both leads her always to fide with one against the other. She has a moft penetrating and difcerning eye into the faults of the family, and takes care to pry into all their fecrets, that the may reveal them. If a man happens to ftay out too late in the evening, fhe is fure to rate him handfomely the next time the fees him, and takes fpecial care to tell him, in the hearing of his wife, what a bad hufband he is: or if the lady goes to Ranelagh, cr is engaged in a party at cards, the will keep the poor hufband company, that he might not be dull, and entertains him all the while with the imperfections of his wife. She has alfo the entire difpofal of the children in her own hands, and can difinherit them, provide for them, marry them, or confine them to a ftate of celibacy, just as the pleafes: fhe fixes the lad's pocket-money at school, and allowance at the univerfity; and has fent many an untoward boy to fea for education. But the young ladies are more immediately under her eye, and, in the grand point of matrimony, the choice or refufal depends folely upon her. One gentleman is too young, another too old; one will run out his for. tune, another has too little; one is a profefled rake, another a fly finner; and the

frequently

frequently tells the girl, « "Tis time enough "to marry yet," till at laft there is nobody will have her. But the most favourite occupation of a mighty good fort of woman is, the fuperintendance of the fervants: fhe protests, there is not a good one to be got; the men are idle, and thieves, and the maids are fluts, and good-for-nothing huffies. In her own family the takes care to feparate the men from the maids, at night, by the whole height of the houfe; thefe are lodged in the garret, while John takes up his rooft ing-place in the kitchen, or is ftuffed into the turn-up feat in the paffage, close to the street-door. She rifes at five in the funmer, and at day-light in the winter, to detect them in giving away broken victuals, coals, candles, &c. and her own footman is employed the whole morning in carrying letters of information to the mafters and miftreffes, wherever the fees, or rather imagines, this to be practifed. She has caufed many a man-fervant to lofe his place for romping in the kitchen; and many a maid has been turned away, upon her account, for dreffing at the men, as the calls it, looking out at the window, or standing at the ftreet-door, in a fummer's evening. I am acquainted with three maiden-filters, all mighty good fort of women, who, to prevent any ill confequences, will not keep a footman at all; and it is at the risk of their place, that the maids have any comers after them, nor will, on any account, a brother or a male coufin, be suffered to vifit

them.

A diftinguishing mark of a mighty good fort of woman is, her extraordinary pretenfions to religion: fhe never miffes church twice a day, in order to take notice of thofe who are abfent; and fhe is always lamenting the decay of piety in these days. With fome of them, the good Dr. Whitfield, or the good Dr. Romaine, is ever in their mouths and they look upon the whole bench of bithops to be very Jews in comparifon of thefe faints. The mighty good fort of woman is also very charitable in outward appearance; for, though fhe would not relieve a family in the utmost diftrefs, the deals out her halfpence to every common beggar, particularly at the church door; and the is eternally foliciting other people to contribute to this or that public charity, though the herself will not give fixpence to any one of them. An univerfal benevolence is another characteristic of a mighty good fort of woman, which renders her (as ftrange as it may feem) of a moft

unforgiving temper. Heaven knows, he bears nobody any ill-will; but if a tradefruan has difobliged her, the honefteft man in all the world becomes the moft arrant rogue; and fhe cannot reft till the has perfuaded all her acquaintance to turn him off as well as herfelf. Every one is with her "The beft creature in the universe," while they are intimate; but upon any flight difference" Oh-fhe was vaftly "miftaken in the perfons;-the thought "them good fort of bodies-but—the "has done with them-other people "will find them out as well as herfelf: -that's all the harm the wishes

[ocr errors]

"them."

As the mighty good fort of women dif fer from each other, according to their age and fituation in life, I fhall endeavour to point out their feveral marks, by which we may diftinguish them. And firft, for the molt common character:-If the happens to be of that neutral fex, an old maid, you may find her out by her prim look, her formal gefture, and the fee-faw motion of her head in converfation. Though a moft rig d Proteftant, her religion favours very much of the Roman Catholic, as fhe holds that almoft every one must be damned except herfelf. But the leaven that runs mostly through her whole compofition, is a deteftation of that odious creature, man, whom the affects to loath as much as fome people do a rat or a toad; and this affectation the cloaks under a pretence of a love of God, at a time of life when it must be fuppofed, that the can love nobody, or rather nobody loves her. If the mighty good fort of body is young and unmarried, befides the ufual tokens you may know her by her quar relling with her brothers, thwarting her fifters, fnapping her father, and over-ruling her mother, though it is ten to one the is the favourite of both. All her acquaintance cry her up as a mighty difcreet kind of body; and as the affects an indif ference for the men, though not a total an tipathy, it is a wonder if the giddy girls, her fifters, are not married before her, which fhe would look upon as the greatest mortification that could happen to her, Among the mighty good fort of women in wedlock, we must not reckon the tame domeftic animal, who thinks it her duty to take care of her houfe, and be obliging to her husband. On the contrary, the is neg ligent of her home-affairs, and studies to recommend herself more abroad than in her own houfe. If the pays a regular round

of

of vifits, if the behaves decently at the card-table, if she is ready to come into any party of pleasure, if the pays no regard to her husband, and puts her children out to nurfe, fhe is not a good wife, or a good mother, perhaps; but she is a mighty good fort of woman.

As I difpofed of the mighty good kind of man in marriage, it may be expected, that I fhould find out a proper match alfo for the mighty good fort of woman. To tell you my opinion then-if the is old, I would give her to a young rake, being the character fhe loves beft at her heart:or, if the is mighty young, mighty handfome, mighty rich, as well as a mighty good fort of woman, I will marry her myfelf, as I am unfortunately a batchelor.

Your very humble fervant, &c. · B. Thornton, § 131. On the affected Strangeness of fame Men of Quality.

Sir,

As you are a mighty good kind of man, and feem willing to fet your prefs to any fubject whereby the vices or follies of your countrymen may be corrected or amended, I beg leave to offer you the following remarks on the extraordinary, yet common, behaviour of fome part of our nobility towards their fometimes intimate, though inferior acquaintance.

It is no less common than extraordinary, to meet a nobleman in London, who ftares you full in the face, and feems quite a ftranger to it; with whom you have fpent the preceding fummer at Harwich or Brighthelmftone; with whom you have often dined; who has often fingled you out and taken you under his arm to accompany him with a tête-à-tête walk; who has accofted you, all the fummer, by your furname, but, in the winter, does not remember either your name, or any feature in your face.

I fhall not attempt to defcribe the pain fuch right honourable behaviour, at firft meeting, gives to a man of fenfibility and fentiment, nor the contempt he must conceive for fuch ennobled beings. Another clafs of these right honourable intimates

but will fhun you a few hours after, at court, as a pick-pocket (though you be a man of good fenfe, good family, and good character) for having no other blemish than that your modefty or diffidence perhaps has occafioned your being a long time in the army, without attaining the rank of a general, or at the law, without being called within the bar. I could recite many inftances of this kind of polite high-breeding, that every man of little ftation, who has been a quality-broker, has often experienced; but I fhall wave that, and conclude by fhewing you, how certainly to avoid fuch contempt, and even decoy his lordship out of his walk to take notice of you, who would not have known you had you continued in his.

The method is this: fuppofe we fee my lard coming towards Spring-garden, under Marlborough garden-walk; instead of meeting him, approach fo near only, that you are certain, from the convexity of his eye (for they are all very near-fighted) that he fees you, and that he is certain you fee and know him. This done, walk deliberately to the other fide of the Mall, and, my life for it, his lordship either trots over to you, or calls you by your furname, to him. His pride is alarmed; he cannot conceive the reafon, why one, he has all along confidered would be proud of the leaft mark of his countenance, should avoid taking an even chance for so great an honour as a bow or a nod.-But I would not be understood, that his lordship is not much offended at you, though he make you a vifit the next day, and never did before, in order to drop you for ever after, left you fhould him. This is not conjecture, but what I have often put in practice with fuccefs, if any fuccefs it is to be fo noticed; and, as a further proof of it, I do affure you, I had once the honour of being fometimes known to, and by, feveral lords, and loft all their friendship, because I would not let them know me at one time very intimately, at another, not at all-for which lofs I do not at all find myself the worse. I am your humble servant, B. Thornton.

Sir,

thers of Quality.

are indeed fo far condescending, as to fub- 132. On the Arrogance of younger Bromit to own you a little, if it be in a corner of the street; or even in the Park, if it be at a diftance from any real good company. Their porters will even let you into their houfes, if my lord has no company; and they themselves will receive you very civilly,

Though it is commonly faid, that pride and contempt for inferiors are strongly implanted in the breafts of our nobility, it must be allowed, that their politeness and

good

« ZurückWeiter »