At the same time, I do not think that your sex, at least in this part of the world, have much of that sensibility, which disposes to such attachments. What is commonly called love among you is rather gratitude, and partiality to the man who prefers you to the rest of your sex; and such a man you often marry, with little either of personal esteem or affection. Indeed, without an unusual share of natural sensibility, and a very peculiar good fortune, a woman in this country has very little probability of marrying for love. It is a maxim laid down among you, and a very prudent one it is, that love is not to begin on your part, but is to be the consequence of our attachment to you. Now, supposing a woman to have sense and taste, she will not find many men to whom she can possibly be supposed to bear any considerable share of esteem. Among these few, it is a very great chance if any of them distinguishes her particularly. Love, at least with us, is exceedingly capricious, and will not always fix where reason says it should. But supposing one of them should become particularly attached to her, it is still extremely improbable that he should be the man in the world her heart most approved of.

As, therefore, nature has not given you that unlimited range in your choice which we enjoy, she has wisely and benevolently assigned to you a greater flexibility of taste on this subject. Some agreeable qualities recommend a gentleman to good liking and friendship. In the course of his acquaintance he contracts an attachment to you. When you perceive it, it excites your gratitude; this gratitude rises into a preference, and this preference perhaps at last advances to some degree of attachment, especially if it meets with crosses and difficulties; for these and a state of suspense, are very great incitements to at

If at

tachment, and are the food of love in both sexes. tachment was not excited in your sex in this` manner, there is not one in a million of you that would ever marry with any degree of love. A man of taste and delicacy marries a woman, because he loves her more than any other. A woman of equal taste and delicacy marries him because she esteems him, and because he gives her that preference. But, if a man unfortunately becomes attached to a woman, whose heart is secretly pre-engaged, his attachment, instead of obtaining a suitable return, is particularly offensive, and if he persist to teaze her, makes himself equally the object of her scorn and aver

sion.

The effects of love among men are diversified by their different tempers. An artful man may counterfeit every one of them so easily as to impose on a young girl of an open, generous and feeling heart, if she is not extremely on her guard. The finest parts in such a girl may not always prove sufficient for her security. The dark and crooked paths of cunning are unsearchable and inconceivable to an honorable and elevated mind.

The following, I apprehend, are the most genuine effects of an honorable passion among the men, and the most difficult to counterfeit. A man of delicacy often betrays his passion by his too great anxiety to conceal it, especially if he has little hopes of being fortunate.

True love, in all its stages, seeks concealment, and never expects success. It renders a man not only respectful, but timid in the highest degree, in his behaviour to the woman he loves. To conceal the awe he stands in of her, he may sometimes affect pleasantry, but it sits awkwardly on him, and he quickly relapses into seriousness, if not into dullness. He magnifies all her

real perfections in his imagination, and is either blind to her failings, or converts them into real beauties. Like a person conscious of guilt, he is jealous that every eye observes him; and to avoid this he shuns all the little observances of common gallantry. His heart and his character will be improved in every respect by his attachment. His manner will become more gentle; and his conversation more agreeable; but diffidence and embarrassment will always make him appear to disadvantage in the company of his mistress. If the fascination continues long, it will totally depress his spirit, and extinguish every active, vigorous, and manly principle of his mind.

When you observe in a gentleman's behaviour these marks which I have described above, reflect seriously what you are to do. If his attachment is agreeable to you, I leave you to do as nature, good sense, and delicacy shall direct you. If you love him, let me advise you never to discover to him the full extent of your love, no, not although you marry him. That sufficiently shows your preference, which is all he is entitled to know. If he has delicacy, he will ask for no stronger proof of your affection for your sake; if he has sense, he will not ask it for his own. This is an unpleasant truth, but I thought it my duty to let you know it. Violent love cannot subsist, at least cannot be expressed long together on both sides: Otherwise the certain consequence, however concealed, is satiety and disgust.

My zeal for your welfare has excited me to throw together these few thoughts, which I flatter myself will sink deep into your memory, and be of some use to you, at the time you stand most in need of assistance.

I remain, yours affectionately, &c.

LETTER 144.

From a Father to his Daughters, on Courtship and Coquetish Behaviour.

DEAR DAUGHTERS,

In my last, I laid before you my thoughts on love and friendship, and now proceed to consider some other particulars very essential to your happiness. If you see evident proofs of a gentleman's attachment, and are determined to shut your heart against him, as you ever hope to be used with generosity by the person who shall engage your own heart, treat him honorably and humanely. Do not let him linger in a miserable suspense, but be anxious to let him know your sentiments with regard to him.

However people's hearts may deceive them, there is scarcely a person that can love for any time, without at least some distant hope of success. If you really wish to undeceive a lover, you may do it in a variety of ways: there is a certain species of familiarity in your behaviour, which may satisfy him, if he has any discernment left, that he has nothing to hope for. But perhaps your particular temper may not permit of this-You may easily show that you want to avoid his company; but if he is a man whose friendship you wish to preserve, you may not choose this method, because then you lose him in every capacity. You may get a common friend to explain matters to him, or fall on many other devices, if you are seriously anxious to put him out of suspense.

But, if you are resolved against every such method, at least do not shun opportunities of letting him explain himself. If you do this, you act barbarously and unjust

ly. If he brings you to an explanation, give him a pʊlite, but resolute and decisive answer. In whatever way you convey your sentiments to him, if he is a man of spirit and delicacy, he will give you no farther trouble, nor apply to your friends for their intercession. This last is a method of courtship which every man of spirit will disdain. He never will whine or sue for your pity. That would mortify almost as much as your scorn. short, you may break such a heart, but you can never bend it. Great pride always accompanies delicacy, however concealed under the appearance of the utmost gentleness and modesty; and is the passion of all others the most difficult to conquer.

In

There is a case where a woman may coquette justifiably to the utmost verge which her conscience will allow. It is where a gentleman purposely declines to make his addresses, till such time as he thinks himself perfectly sure of her consent. This at bottom, is intended to force a woman to give up the undoubted privilege of her sex, the privilege of refusing it; it is intended to force her to explain herself, in effect, before the gentleman designs to do it, and by this means to oblige her to violate the modesty and delicacy of her sex, and to invert the clearest order of nature. All this sacrifice is proposed to be made, merely to gratify a most despicable vanity in a man, who would degrade the very woman whom he wishes to make his wife.

It is of great importance to distinguish, whether a gentleman who has the appearance of being your lover, delays to speak explicitly, from the motive I have mentioned, or from a diffidence inseparable from the attachment. In the one case you can scarcely use him too ill; in the other, you ought to use him with great kind