Take Advice.

An old gentleman, who used to frequent the Chapter coffec-house, being unwell, thought he might steal an opinion concerning his case; accordingly, one day he took an opportunity of asking Dr. Buchan, who sat in the same box with him, what he should take for such a complaint?" "I'll tell you," says the Doctor" you should take advice."

Difference between Literal and Literary.

During the institution of a society in Liverpool, for the purpose of literary improvement, a gentleman of strong body, but of slender wit, applied to be admitted a member; "I think," said he to the president, "I must certainly be a vast acquisition to a society of this kind, as I am undoubtedly a great man, in the literal sense of the word ?" "True," replied the other; "but I am afraid you are but a little man in the literary sense of the word."

Pure English.

The English ambassador demanded of Louis XIV. the liberation of the Protestants who had been condemned to the galleys on account of their religion. "What would the king of Great Britain say if I asked him to liberate the prisoners in Newgate ?” "Sire," replied the ambassador, "the king, my master, would grant your majesty's request, if you reclaimed them as your brethren.”

A Teacher.

A teacher one day endeavouring to make a pupil understand the nature and application of the passive verb, said to him, "A passive verb expresses the re

ceiving of an action, as, Peter is beaten! now what did Peter do?" The numskull paused a moment, and scratching his head by way of aiding thought, with the gravest countenance imaginable, replied, "Well, I don't know, without he hollered!"

Proof of Sanity.

Sir Theodore Mayerne, physician to king James I. and who made an immense sum by his practice, was once consulted by a friend, who laid two broad pieces of gold upon the table (six and thirties), and Sir Theodore put them into his pocket. The friend was hurt at his pocketing such a fee; but Sir Theodore said to him, "I made my will this morning, and, if it should appear that I refused a fee, I might be deemed non compos."

But!

In case of assault, where an eminent brewer was concerned, the following ingenious argument was stated in the pleadings to have been used by that individual: "If there be any charge made against the beer, rebutt it." It was this clench in jest, which led to the assault in earnest ; so that neither your if nor your but is a certain peacemaker.

Legal Advice.

"Sir," said a barber to an attorney who was passing his door," will you tell me if this is a good seven shilling piece?" The lawyer, pronouncing the piece good, deposited it in his pocket, adding, with great gravity, "If you'll send your lad to my office, I'll return the four-pence."

Competition of Wonders.

Several gentlemen at a party contested the honour of having done the most extraordinary thing. A reverend DD. was appointed to be judge of their respective pretensions. One produced his tailor's bill, with a receipt attached to it; a cry went through the room, that this would not be outdone; when a second proved that he had arrested his tailor for money lent to him. The palm is his, was the universal outcry; when a third observed, "Gentlemen, I cannot boast of the feats of either of my predecessors; but I have returned to the owners two umbrellas that they had left at my house." "I'll hear no more," cried the arbiter; "this is the very ne plus ultra of honesty and unheard-of deeds; it is an act of virtue of which I never before knew any person capable: the prize is yours."

Rats.

"Dick, what are you about there?" said a gentleman to his servant whom he saw loitering about the barn. "Catching rats, sir !" "And how many rats have you caught?" Why, sir, when I get the one I'm after now, and another one, it will make two!"

66

Lord Peterborough.

The eccentric lord Peterborough, though one of the most brilliant of modern military characters, was overshadowed by the duke of Marlborough. On a temporary return from Spain, where he was commanding, he found all his projects, proposals and recommendations taken by the ministry ad referendum, which disgusted him so much, that he threw himself into a sedan chair to return home, and

drawing the curtains all round, sat indulging his own mcrose thoughts. As he was passing the streets, the populace took up an idea that he was the rival general, and gathered round crying, "God bless the duke of Marlborough! God bless the duke of Marlborough!" "Gentlemen," said his lordship, pushing down one of the windows, "I am not the duke of Marlborough." "O yes," said a spokesman of the multitude, "you are the duke of Marlborough: we know you well enough." "Gentlemen," said lord Peterborough, "I am not the duke of Marlborough. Let me down," he cried to the chairman. Got out of the chair, and now standing,—“I am not the duke of Marlborough, I tell you, and I will now give you two convincing proofs that I am not: one is, that I have but a single guinea," and he turned his pockets inside out: "the other is, that I give it you;" and he threw it among them.

Bon-Mot of George III.

A heavy-heeled cavalry officer, at one of the balls, astounded the room by the peculiar impressiveness of his dancing. A circle of affrighted ladies fluttered over to the prince, and inquired by what possibility they could escape being trampled out of the world by this formidable performer. "Nothing can be done," said the prince, " since the war is over; then he might have been sent back to America, as a republication of the stamp act."

Pulteney, Earl of Bath.

Lord Bath passed for one of the wisest men in England. "When one is in opposition," was one of his sayings, “it is very easy to know what to

say: but when one is minister, it is difficult to know what not to say."

Another of the Same.

Lord Chancellor Loughborough told the Duke of Bridgewater, he never knew Lord Bath. "How ?" said Bridgewater; "were you not a minister at the same time that he was a minister?" "Yes," was the reply, "personally; but I used to go to bed before twelve, and Lord Bath never was himself (that is, in the full plenitude of his faculties and gaiety) till after."

Negro Philosophy.

John Canepole was a small pocket edition of humanity. He had a black servant who was a stout fellow; and being a privileged joker, Sambo let no occasion pass unimproved, where he could rally his master upon his diminutive carcase. John was taken sick, and Sambo was sent for the doctor. The faithful negro loved his master, and upon the arrival of the physician looked up in his face anxiously. Examining the symptoms, the Doctor pronounced his patient in no danger. Reassured by this, Sambo's spirits returned, and he indulged his natural disposition for drollery. "I tell you, Doctor, Massa Canepole will die, cause he got a fever!" "A fever, you black dog," said the patient, "does a fever always kill a man?" "Yes massa, when a fever get into such a little man, it never hab room to turn in him, and if the fever no turn, you die sartin !”

Advantages of Low Prices.

A gentleman in one of the steam-packets asked the steward, when he came round to collect the