dispute about the etiquette of precedence, it was allowed, that as the affair was entirely Col. G.'s, common politeness gave him the post of honour in the van-and he entered, holding the light in one hand, and the door in the other, and in a voice of admirable firmness and dignity, said "Holla, friend!" Thus encouraged, J. F. W. exclaimed, "Get out of that!" "You have got to go down faster than you came up," added S. B.-Still the fearful visage glared fearfully on them, but was silent. At last, with one almost superhuman effort, J. F. W. (after seeing that the path to the stairs was unobstructed) wound himself up to a sublime pitch of courage-leaned forward and turned down the bedclothes! Awful moment! the giant head, with slow and gradual motion, rolled to the edge of the bedbalanced-and fell!!!—It was a wooden head of Esculapius!!! C. A. S.

P. S. The parties are all as well as could be expected; it is hoped that the health, and even the shattered intellects of our friend Col. G. may with good care be restored-and he may yet live to be a blessing to a large circle of friends, which he adorns and to defend the liberties of his country with his valiant arm, whenever she shall need that defence.

Dunning Extraordinary.

A tradesman pressing a gentleman very much for payment of his bill, the latter said, “You need not be in so great a hurry, I am not going to run away." "I do not imagine you are, sir," returned the tradesman, "but I am."

James II. and Waller.

King James II. having a wish to converse with Waller, the poet, sent for him one afternoon, and took him into his closet, where was a very fine picture of the Princess of Orange. The king asked him his opinion of the picture, on which Waller said, he thought it extremely like the greatest woman that ever lived in the world. "Whom do you call so?" said the king. "Queen Elizabeth," replied the other. "I wonder, Mr. Waller," said . the king, "that you should think so; for she owed all her greatness to her council, and that indeed, it must be admitted was a wise one." "And pray, sir," said Waller, "did your majesty ever know a fool choose a wise council?"

Dr. Johnson.

When Dr. Johnson visited the University of St. Andrew's, he took occasion to inquire of one of the professors into the state of their funds, and being told that they were not so affluent as many of their neighbours, "No matter," said the doctor drily; persevere in the plan you have formed, and you will get rich by degrees."

March of Politeness.

Complaisance is no longer confined to the polite circles. A captain of a vessel was lately called out of a coffee-house at Wapping by a waterman, with the following address: "An't please your honour, the tide is waiting for you."

Gas.

"Let there be light," was commanded before we were ushered into this breathing world, and light there was. So it was at a certain ball given lately by gas light,' at a certain fashionable hotel. "Miss -," said a gentleman, "allow me to introduce to your acquaintance, Mr.- ;" but sudden darkness came over the hall. The music stopped-all but one solitary fiddler, who, by the particular request of a fair lady, struck up, "Where is my lover, or where has he gone?" No one dared to move. The manager bid some one strike upon the bell; but who could tell where the bell was to be found? Silence was commanded, and the master of the dance ex. claimed in a stentorian voice, "Give me but light, and Ajax asks no more." It had the desired effect -Ajax had light, and the ball went on.

Hackney Coachman.

A hackney coachman, after putting up his horses in the evening, took out the money he had received during the day, in order to make a division between his master and himself. "There," said he, "is one shilling for master, and one for me;" and so on alternately till an odd shilling remained. Here he hesitated between conscience and self-interest, when the master, who happened to be a concealed spectator, said, "I think, Thomas, you may allow me the odd shilling, as I keep the horses."

No Reason to Remove.

A gentleman dined one day with a dull preacher. Dinner was scarcely over, before the gentleman fell asleep, but was awakened by the divine, and invited

to go and hear him preach. "I beseech you, sir,” said he, "to excuse me; I can sleep very well where I am."

Exclusive Plumber.

Holroyd, king's plumber, stood in the pit of the theatre at the time that Hatfield fired at King George III., and it was reported, that by his lifting up the assassin's arm at the moment he was firing, the pistol was raised, so that the ball went higher than the box his majesty was seated in. Some one observed, that "This was a very loyal thing in the plumber." "Why, yes," replied a gentleman present," it looks like it; but the motive might possibly be selfish; it perhaps arose from Holroyd not choosing that any one should serve the king with lead except himself."

Charles II.

As James II., when duke of York, returned one morning from hunting, he found his brother Charles in Hyde Park without any attendants, at what was considered a perilous time. The duke expressed his surprise at his majesty's venturing alone in so public a place, at so dangerous a period. "James," replied the monarch, "take care of yourself, and I am safe. No man in England will kill me to make you king."

Psalms.

In olden times, when it was a custom in many parts of New-England to sing the psalms and hymns by deaconing' them, as it was called, that was, by the deacon's reading each line previous to its being sung; one of these church dignitaries rose and after

looking at his book some time, and making several attempts to spell the words, apologized for the difficulty he experienced in reading, by observing, 'My eyes indeed are very blind."

The choir, who had been impatiently waiting for a whole line, thinking this to be the first of a common metre hymn, immediately sang it. The good deacon exclaimed, with emphasis,

"I cannot see at all."

This, of course, they also sung, when the astonished pillar of the church cried out,

"I really b'lieve you are bewitched!"

Response by the choir, "I really b'lieve you are bewitched."-Deacon :

"The deuce is in you all!"

The choir finished the verse by echoing the last line, and the deacon sat down in despair.

Foote.

Foote, having been invited to dine with the duke of Leinster, at Dublin, gave the following account of his entertainment :-" As to the splendour, as far as it went, I admit it, there was a very fine sideboard of plate; and if a man could have swallowed a silversmith's shop, there was enough to satisfy him; but as to all the rest, his mutton was white, his veal was red, the fish was kept too long, the venison not kept long enough: to sum up all, every thing was cold, except his ice; every thing sour except his vinegar."

Reformation.

A gentleman, remarking that this age was infinitely more dissipated and licentious than that which preceded it, an old officer took upon himself