Ajax. Do not, porpentine,* do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. Ajax. I say, the proclamation, Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou barkest at him. Ajax. Mistress Thersites! Ther. Thou shouldest strike him. Ajax. Cobloaf!+ Ther. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. Ajax. You whoreson cur! Ther. Do, do. Ajax. Thou stool for a witch !§ [Beating him. Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego || may tutor thee: Thou scurvy valiant ass; thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! Ajax. You dog! Ther. You scurvy lord! Ajax. You cur! [Beating him. Ther. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you thus ? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man ? Ther. You see him there, do you? Achil. Ay, what's the matter? Ther. Nay, look upon him. 1 Achil. So I do; What's the matter? Ther. Nay, but regard him well. Achil. Well! why I do so. Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. Achil. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ajax. Therefore I beat thee. Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain, more than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him. Achil. What? * Porcupine. † Crusty, uneven loaf. + Pound. There used to be a mode of punishing witches, by tying them cross Ther. I say, this Ajax Achil. Nay, good Ajax. [AJAX offers to strike him, ACHILLES interposes. Ther. Has not so much wit Achil. Nay, I must hold you. Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. Achil. Peace, fool! Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajax. O thou damned cur! I shall Achil. Will you set your wit to a fool's? Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. Patr. Good words, Thersites. Achil. What's the quarrel? Ajax. I bade the vile owl, go learn me the tenour of the pro clamation, and he rails upon me. Ther. I serve thee not. Ajax. Well, go to, go to. Ther. I serve here voluntary. Achil. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary;* Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress. Ther. Even so?-A great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or elset here be liars. Hector shall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains; a' were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. Achil. What, with me too, Thersites ? Ther. There's Ulysses, and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, -yoke you like draught oxen, and make you plough up the wars. Achil. What, what? Ther. Yes, good sooth; to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to! Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue. Ther. 'Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou, afterwards. Patr. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' bracht bids me, shall I? Achil. There's for you, Patroclus. Ther. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any Be more to your tents; I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools. Patr. A good riddance. Achil. Marry, this, Sir, is proclaim'd through all our host: That Hector, by the first hour of the sun, Will, with a trumpet, 'twixt our tents and Troy, Ajax. O, meaning you :-I'll go learn more of it. † A small scenting hound. Exit. You To You [Exeunt. 1 SCENE II.- Troy. A Room in PRIAM'S Palace. Enter PRIAM, HECTOR, TROILUS, PARIS, and HELENUS. Pri. After so many hours, lives, speeches, spent, Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks; Deliver Helen, and all damage else As honour, loss of time, travel, expense, Wounds, friends, and what else dear that is consumed Shall be struck off :-Hector, what say you to't? Hect. Though no man lesser fears the Greeks than I, As far as toucheth my particular, yet, Dread Priam, There is no lady of more softer bowels, Tro. Fie, fie, my brother! Weigh you the worth and honour of a king, The past-proportion of his infinite ? And buckle-in a waist most fathomless, As fears and reasons? fie, for godly shame! Hel. No marvel, though you bite so sharp at reasons, Tro. You are for dreams and slumbers, brother priest, You fur your gloves with reason. * Tenths. With this cramm'd reason: reason and respect * Hect. Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost The holding. Tro. What is aught, but as 'tis valued ? Hect. But value dwells not in particular will; It holds his estimate and dignity Tro. I take to-day a wife, and my election * Caution. + Shrink from. † That creates the excellence it admires. § Common basket. Priam's sister, Hesione. ** Be more changeable than fortune. The opposite of fresh. Cas. [within]. Cry, Trojans, cry! Pri. What noise? what shriek is this? Tro. "Tis our mad sister, I do know her voice. Cas. [within]. Cry, Trojans! Hect. It is Cassandra. Enter CASSANDRA, raving. Cas. Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes, And I will fill them with prophetic tears. Hect. Peace, sister, peace. Cas. Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled elders, Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry, Cry, cry, Troy burns, or else let Helen go. Hect. Now youthful Troilus, do not these high strains Of divination in our sister work Some touches of remorse? or is your blood Tro. Why, brother Hector, Par. Else might the world convince § of levity Nor faint in the pursuit. [Exit. * Hecuba, when pregnant with Paris, dreamed she was about to be delivered of a firebrand. To set it off. § Convict. + Change to the worse. Defence. |