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grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hollowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
Val. Are all these things perceived in me?
Speed. Without you! nay, that's certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would : but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a physician to comment on your malady.
Val. But, tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia ?
Speed. She that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper ?
Val. Hast thou observed that? even she I mean. Speed. Why, sir, I know her not.
Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know'st her not?
Speed. Is she not hard-favored, sir ?
Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) wellfavored.
Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her favor infinite.
Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
1 To take diet is to be under a regimen for a disease.
2 The feast of All-hallows, or All Saints, at which time the poor in Staffordshire go froin parish to parish a souling, as they call it; i. e. begging and puling, for soul cakes, and singing what they call the souler's song.
Val. How painted ? and how out of count?
Speed. Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.
Val. How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty.
Speed. You never saw her since she was deformed.
Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful.
Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her.
Speed. Because love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered !1
Val. What should I see then ?
Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing deformity : for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose ; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love ; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
Speed. True, sir ; I was in love with my bed: I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
Speed. I would you were set, so, your affection would cease.
Val. Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
Speed. And have you ?
Val. No, boy, but as well as I can do them :-
1 Going ungartered is enumerated by Rosalind as one of the undoubted marks of love, in As You Like It, üi. 2. 2 Set, for seated, in opposition to stand in the preceding line. VOL. I.
Enter Silvia. Speed. O excellent motion!! O exceeding puppet! now will he interpret to her.
Val. Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.
Speed. O, 'give you good even! here's a million of manners.
[ Aside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
Speed. He should give her interest; and she gives it him.
Val. As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours; Which I was much unwilling to proceed in, But for my duty to your ladyship. Sil. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly?
Sil. A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel ;
[ Aside. Val. What means your ladyship? do you not like it?
Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ:
Val. Madam, they are for you.
1 Motion signified, in Shakspeare's time, a puppet-show. Speed means to say,“ What a fine puppet-show shall we have now! Here is the principal puppet to whom my master will be the interpreter.” The show-man was then frequently called the interpreter.
2 i. e. like a scholar.
Sil. Ay, ay; you writ them, sir, at my request;
Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Sil. And, when it's writ, for my sake read it over: And, if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
Val. If it please me, madam! what then ?
Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labor ; And so, good-morrow, servant.
[Exit Silvia. Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a
steeple! My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor, He being her pupil, to become her tutor. O excellent device! was there ever heard a better? That my master, being scribe, to himself should write
the letter ? Val. How now, sir ? what are you reasoning with
Speed. Nay, I was rhyming ; 'tis you that have the reason.
Val. To do what ?
Speed. What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?
Val. No, believe me.
Speed. No believing you indeed, sir : But did you perceive her earnest ?
Val. She gave me none, except an angry word.
Speed. And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.
Val. I would, it were no worse.
For often have you writ to her; and she, in modesty,
Val. I have dined.
Speed. Ay, but hearken, sir : though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat: 0, be not like your mistress; be moved, be moved. [Exeunt.
A Room in Julia's House.
Enter PROTEUS and Julia.
Jul. If you turn not, you will return the sooner:
[Giving a ring. Pro. Why then we'll make exchange; here, take
Pro. Here is my hand for my true constancy;
[Exit Julia. Julia, farewell.—What! gone without a word !
i With exactness.