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Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me: the count himself, here hard by, wooes her. Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll
she'll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Tut, there's life in't, man.
Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o the strangest mind i the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
Sir To. Art thou good at these kickshaws, knight?
Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
Sir To. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper.
Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid ? wherefore have these gifts a curtain before them? are they like to take dust, like mistress Mall's picture ?? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water, but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a flame-colored stock. Shall we set about some revels?
Sir To. What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?
Sir And. Taurus ? that's sides and heart.
1 i. e. Mall Cutpurse, whose real name was Mary Frith, a notorious profligate of that day.
2 Cinque-pace, the name of a dance, the measures whereof are regulated by the number 5, also called a galliard.
Sir To. No, sir ; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper: ha! higher: ha, ha!-excellent !
SCENE IV. A Room in the Duke's Palace.
Enter VALENTINE, and Viola in man's attire.
Val. If the duke continue these favors towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced; he hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.
Vio. You either fear his humor, or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: Is he inconstant, sir, in his favors ?
Val. No, believe me.
Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants.
Duke. Stand you awhile aloof.–Cesario,
Sure, my noble lord,
Duke. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds,
Vio. Say, I do speak with her, my lord; what then?
Duke. O, then unfold the passion of my love,
She will attend it better in thy youth,
Vio. I think not so, my lord. .
Dear lad, believe it;
I'll do my best
SCENE V. A Room in Olivia's House.
Enter MARIA and Clown.
way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Clo. Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this world needs to fear no colors.
Mar. Make that good.
Mar. A good lenten 3 answer: I can tell thee where that saying was born, of, I fear no colors.
1 A contest full of impediments.
2 The clown in this play is a domestic fool in the service of Olivia. He is specifically termed an allowed fool, and “ Feste, the jester that the lady Olivia's father took much delight in.” Malvolio speaks of him as 6 a set fool.”
“ Sparing, niggardly, insufficient, like the fare of old times in Lent. Metaphorically, short, laconic.”
3 Short and spare.
Clo. Where, good mistress Mary?
Mar. In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
Clo. Well, God give them wisdom, that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.
Mar. Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent: or, to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?
Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.
Mar. You are resolute then?
Clo. Not so neither; but I am resolved on two points.
Mar. That, if one break," the other will hold; or, if both break, your gaskins fall.
Clo. Apt, in good faith ; very apt! Well, go thy way: if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.
Mar. Peace, you rogue; no more o' that; here comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.
[Exit. Enter Olivia and MalvoLIO. Clo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: For what says Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.- God bless thee, lady!
oli. Take the fool away. Clo. Do you not hear, fellows ? Take away the lady.
Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool ; I'll no more of you : besides you grow dishonest.
Clo. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him: Any thing that's mended, is but patched : virtue, that transgresses, is but patched with sin: and sin, that amends, is but patched with virtue: If that this simple syllogism will serve, so: if it will not, what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower:the lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.
1 Points were hooks which fastened the hose or breeches.
Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you.
Clo. Misprision in the highest degree !-Lady, Cucullus non facit monachum ; that's as much as to say, I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
Oli. Can you do it?
Clo. I must catechize you for it, madonna : Good my mouse of virtue, answer me.
Oli. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll 'bide
Clo. Good madonna, why mourn'st thou ?
Clo. The more fool you, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in heaven.—Take away the fool, gentlemen.
Oli. What think you of this fool, Malvolio ? doth he not mend?
Mal. Yes; and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.
Clo. God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool.
Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio?
Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a a barren rascal; I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone. Look
you now, he's out of his guard already: unless