"an atom. Had the monfter gorg'd thee at a "mouthful, how many thousands, nay tens of "thousands have the voracious jaws of death "devoured in a fucceffion of campaigns, which "have made creation melt? Didft thou escape "the monster? what then; how can we have "leifure to reflect upon thy fingle deliverance, "when we call to mind the numbers of de"fpairing captives, who have been liberated "from the dungeons of tyranny? In a word, "friend Cracker, if it is through a love for the "marvellous thou makest so free with the facred " name of truth, thou doft but abuse our pa"tience and thine own time in hunting after "fharks and monfters of the deep; and if thou haft any other motive for fiction than the "above, it must be a motive less innocent than "what I have fuppofed, and in that cafe we hold "thee dangerous to fociety and a difgrace to hu Here he concluded, and though the length and deliberate folemnity of his harangue had given me time enough, yet I had not fo availed myfelf of it as to collect my thoughts and prepare myfelf for any kind of defence: How to deal with this formal old fellow I knew not; to cudgel him was a fervice of more danger than I faw faw fit to engage in, for he was of athletic limbs and ftature; to challenge him to a gentleman's fatisfaction, being a Quaker, would have fubjected me to univerfal ridiculę: I rose from my chair, took my hat from' the peg and abruptly quitted the room: Next morning I sent to cut my name out of the club, but behold! they had faved me that ceremony over-night, and I had once more a new fet of acquaintance to go in fearch of. In this folitary interim I ftrove to lighten the burthen of time by ftarting a correspondence with one of our public prints, and fo long as I fupplied it with anecdotes from the country, I may say without vanity there was neither fire nor flood, murder, rape nor robbery wanting to embellish it I broke two or three necks at a horfe-race without any detriment to the community, and for the amufement of my readers. drove over blind beggars, drowned drunken farmers, and toffed women with child by mad bullocks, without adding one item to the bills of mortality; I made matches without number which the regifter never recorded; I was at the fame time a correfpondent at Bruffels, a refident in Spain and a traveller at Conftantinople, who gave fecret information of all proceedings in thofe thofe feveral places, and by the myfterious ftile, in which I enveloped my dispatches, nobody could fix a falfehood on my intelligence, till I imprudently fought a battle on the banks of the Danube, after the armies were gone into winter quarters, which did the Turk no mifchief, and effectually blafted me with the compiler, and him with the public. I am now out of bufinefs, and, if you want any thing in my way to enliven your Obfervers, (which give me leave to remark are fometimes rather of the dulleft) I fhall be proud to serve you, being Your very humble fervant at command, KIT CRACKER. N. B. I do not want any thing in Kit Cracker's way; but though I decline the offer of his affiftance, I willingly avail myfelf of the morsi of his example. N° CXXXV. A N° CXXXV. Writer of mifcellaneous effays is open to the correfpondence of perfons of all defcriptions, and though I think fit to admit the following letter into my collection, I hope my readers will not suppose I wish to introduce the writer of it into their company, or even into my own. To THE OBSERVER. As we hear a great deal of the affluence of this flourishing country, and the vast quantity of fleeping cash, as it is called, lockt up in vaults and ftrong boxes, we conceive it would be a good deed to waken fome of it, and put it into use and circulation: we have therefore affociated ourfelves into a patriotic fraternity of circulators, commonly called pick-pockets: But with forrow we let you know, that notwithstanding our best endeavours to put forward the purposes of our inftitution, and the great charges of providing ourselves with inftruments and tools of all forts for the better furtherance of our bufi nefs, nefs, we have yet hooked up little except dirty handkerchiefs, leathern fnuff-boxes, empty purfes and bath-metal watches from the pockets of the public; articles thefe, let me fay, that would hardly be received at the depôt of the patriotic contributors in Paris. Are thefe the fymptoms of a great and wealthy nation? we blufh for our country, whilft we are compelled by truth and candor to reply-They are not. As we have a number of petty articles on hand, which will not pafs in our trade, nothing deters us from putting them up to public cant, but the tax our unworthy parliament has laid upon auctions. I fend you two or three papers, which a brother artist angled out of the pocket of a penniless gentleman the other night at the playhouse door; the one a letter figned Urania, the other Gorgon; they can be of no use to us, as we have nothing to do with Urania's virtue, nor stand in need of Gorgon to paint scenes, which we can act better than he defcribes ; neither do we want his effigy of a man under the gallows to remind us of what we muft all |