BOBBY AND THE TURKEY. 66 Philadelphia, Nov. 28, 1797. "MR. PORCUPINE, "AS my cousin Bobby writes me, that he intends to return to Philadelphia very soon, and only waits for my advice; I take the earliest opportunity of giving it to him, through your paper. You will therefore please to honour it with a place as soon as possible. "Excuse my scrawl, as I am old and very nearsighted. "I am, "Yours, &c. "A. B." My dear cousin Bob, That terrible job Has done you much harm, to be sure; And, tho' you're youth, I only say truth, When I tell you no time can it cure. Such stories are told, By the young and the old; E'en your daddy comes out with his d―n, When he talks of the pig, Which you meant but as gig, While you thought the old codger to sham. The Turkey also! Oh, Bobby, 'twas low! I am forced to say so, indeed. What! to go to an Inn, From the larder begin To take off the stock of poor W-d! Had you made an attack At the clothes on his back, Or took from his pocket the cash, Our opinions so bad As those on the pig and such trash. But "FRIEND PORCUPINE, "SEEING that thou hast taken upon thee, the important office of an impartial censor, I shall, without any further preamble, proceed to lay before thee one of the many grievances that too many unhappily labour under, and is one of the greatest evils under the sun, I mean the sun of Pennsylvania; who, by too great a plenitude of heat, or power, or in other words too free a use of prerogative, has more than once, scorched or clipped the wings of sacred liberty.—I do not in this allude to the late proclamation, because thy impartial quill hath already corrected that, but the present evil which I complain of, is, that of his creating by far too great a number of country magistrates. Every impartial person, must acknowledge that a good magistrate is an honour to society, and a useful member of the commonwealth-but an evil ruler is the pest of society, a scandal to law and justice, and destruction of peace and harmony amongst neighbours. It is a well known fact that * This BOBBY, who was the son of a member of the Legislature of Pennsylvania, robbed the larder of an Innkeeper; went away for a little while, but soon returned, and has, ever since, lived in great tranquillity. too too many unqualified persons both in abilities and character, and too indolent to work, and knowing how easy it is to become a magistrate, run about with petitions from tavern to tavern, to procure signers, well knowing that no enquiry will be made into their character-who no sooner obtain the commission of the peace than they also commence barrister or bush lawyer, and set their neighbours together by the ears, for the sake of that multum pecunia, called ninepence. It is surprising to me and many others, that he does not take a hint from our excellent constitution, which allows but one representative for every thirty thousand citizens; but here. alas, in the country, here are six or seven magistrates to almost every township or district, and many more are recruiting for commissions. What the good policy of it can be, neither I or any one else can fathom, except that he wishes to fulfil the benevolent desire of St. Paul, i. e. to make every new magistrate a new creature; or perhaps he is ambitious to outshine Jeroboam, the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin by making priests of Baal.These few hints, friend Porcupine, is all that I can at present send thee, hoping that thou wilt not let this grievance escape thy notice; and, for God's sake, do not let us be scorched by the rays of a setting sun. The grievance, of which my correspondent complains, is, indeed, an intolerable one. The process is precisely as he describes it. If a man is bereft of the means of an honest livelihood, either by idleness, by gaming, or by speculation, he instantly looks out for an office, and he absolutely goes from one hedge-tavern to another to obtain signatures to a pe tition to the Governor (in Pennsylvania) to appoint him a Justice of the Peace! There is no bounds set to the Governor's authority, in these appointments. No qualifications are necessary, but such as are requisite to get the good wishes of a few haunters of ta verns (all public houses are so called), which are far from being such qualifications as are requisite in a magistrate. The number of these nine-penny justices, who have the decision in the last resort, of all disputes of debt to a very considerable amount, has been rapidly increasing ever since the rebellion, till the evil is become almost unbearable. The moment these illiterate and unprincipled wretches receive the commission of the peace, they assume the title of Esquire, which their shoeless wives and children bestow on them on all occasions. It is not at all uncommon to see a 'Squire as ragged as a colt; and I remember one, who exercised his functions as Justice of the Peace in the neighbourhood of Philadelphia, and who not unfrequently attended the market of that city as a retailer of greens and potatoes. These circumstances would be amusing enough, it would be high fun to view this burlesque of magistracy, this ridiculous mixture of poverty and titles, of rags and pomposity; but, when the real, the active power of the 'Squire is considered, and when honest and rich men feel his pestiferous influence, he becomes a being almost as formidable as a highwayman or a housebreaker; perhaps more so, as it is more difficult to obtain redress for the numerous wrongs that he commits. Were I called upon to name the three greatest curses that Pennsylvania labours under, I should certainly say, the Dysentery, the Yellow Fever, and the 'Squires, and should have no hesitation in declaring the latter to be the greatest of the three. VOL. IX. A a MR. "MR. PORCUPINE, "I*** married a free black woman in the WestIndies, had several children by her; he left her, bringing away all her money, came to this country, married another wife, had several children by her, and he is now a Senator. Now, will not the man, who robbed his negro wife, betray this country? Upon inquiry, I found this fact to be perfectly correct. "Portland, District of Maine, "The Court of Common Pleas and General Sessions of the Peace for the county of York, were holden at Biddeford the last week. At this court an action was commenced on behalf of the Commonwealth, against John Hilton, and others, for an assault and battery on Elizabeth Smith, widow. In the course of the trial it appeared, that in the month of October last, the complainant had been accused of witchcraft, and not only her neighbours, but her relations had been so incensed against her, that she was obliged to fly to a neighbouring town for safely. It seems that one John Hilton had, some time in October, become insane, and while in that state, accused the complainant of bewitching him. He said, that as he was a going home one evening, just before dark, the complainant appeared before him, and walked some time at about six yards distance; that he had an ox goad in his hand, which he held by |