The Feast of Wit; or Sportsman's Hall. you think, that, in my prefent emaciated and debilitated condition, it would not be of fervice to me, I will give way to your judgment, and acquiefce in your opinion; but ftill I can't bear that you should go away without having performed an operation; and therefore I request you will tap Afhe; there can be no objection in that quarter on the score of emancipation." The Doctor, who was a goodnatured and good humoured man, laughed very heartily at the conceit. Mr. Fitzmaurice appeared pleafed; and no one could have imagined for fome minutes, that there was in the room a perfon who had just heard from authority that he had but a fhort time to live. 53 they might have lived long enough, if they had not been overworked in drawing water." "Really! pray how came it about that they had fo much water to draw?" "Why, fir, it happened, the day our manfionhoufe was burnt down, that—" "How! my father's house burnt fay you; by what accident??? "By no accident at all, fi-it would never have happened, if our people had not been fo cruelly carelefs of their torches !" "Of their torches! pray, what had they to do with torches.” Why, fir, the torches were made ufe of at your good mother's funeral ?""How !-my mo ther dead, and buried, without my knowledge of her being fick? This is incomprehenfible!" "Not fo incomprehenfible nei The following is a literal di-ther, for he died of no other rection of a letter, which a few evenings ago paffed through the poft office: disease than a broken heart." "But for God's fake, John, what could occafion this exceffive grief!" "Oh! as to that matter, fhe had reason enough;~~ | Lady who was fo lately your mother's waiting-maid, appeared at the last birth day affem. bly, in a more rich and elegant habit than was ever before seen in our country. being requested by a provincial manager to order a play, felected, with much arch fignificance, for their entertainments-Love's Frailties, and Heigko for a Huf, band! A young gentleman at the Univerfity was called upon by an old fervant of his father's with The young ladies of a boardcompliments from the family.-ing School in Gloucestershire, "Well," faid the ftudent, "how do they all do at home: what news do you bring me?" "None," faid John, except that our old raven is dead; o that is all." "But pray, what did he die of?" "How could it be otherwife, when he eat fo much carrion ?" 66% Carrion! how could he get at fuch quantities?""Why, the four coach horfes are dead too." "Aye! pray what killed them ""Why ANECDOTE. At a Meeting where a diffenting doctor and one or more clergy of the established church were prefent, the doctor was requested to give a toaft, which he did, faying "the fans culottes of England," 54 Flanagain's Plan of Defence for the City of London. The following Letter which appeared in a morning Paper a few days ago, we think worth the attention of the readers of the SPORTING MAGAZINE... To the Right Honourable the LORD Jand." O," fays the clergyman, “I fhall drink that with glee for the doctor must mean the fingle ladies of England, as the married only wear the breeches." The doctor appeared rather diffatisfied with this perverfion of his fentiment; and the clergyman was requested to favour the 'company with his toaft; the doctor admonished the prefident to beware of that gentleman; "who (fays he) if you give an inch, will take an ell." "I thanking a regiment of horse and foot, you, doctor (replied the clergyman) for the hint. I will give thefe three L's Liberty, Loyalty, and Lawn-fleeves," "If you please, Rev. Sir, (laid the Dr.) we will add another L to your toaft, by way of rider, and call it the four L's-Lawn-fleeves, Luxury, Lumber, and Laziness.” My LORD, SI really imagined the propofition of Mr. Deputy Nicholls to the Court of Aldermen and Common Council, for raif. to protect the good Citizens of London, would have been carried unanimously, I had prepared a few hints, which, in my opinion would have been worthy your Lordship's attention; and notwithstanding the want of military ardour in the majority of the defcription of men above mentioned, I ftill think they are too good to be loft, and therefore fend them your Lordship to make use of as you may think best. Your Lordship will have many things to recommend, fuch as A paffenger on the outfide of a Birmingham coach was, a fhort aime fince, charged threepence for a piece of toast, at an inn nat far from Dunchurch; upon objecting to the price, Mr. Score-making Hackney a fortified town; double, the landlord, very gravely replied, "Well, then, fuppofe we fay, twopence toast, and a penny five! Harriet Partridge is divorced from her mate, John Partridge, Efq. he having proved a cruel bird, by unnaturally pairing of with another then of the name of Aun Thornton. The Pope has conferred on Cardinal Maury, the bishop ics of Montefiafco and Loretto: the former produces excellent wine, and the latter pretty women: the Cardinal, therefore may spend his time very agreeably: for he may pafs his days in his bishop-! ic of Montefrafco, and his nights in that of Loretto. raifing redoubts at Iflington;; throwing up lines round Doghoufe bar and putting Bagniggewells in a formidable state of fecurity-but above all, the mode, of fortifying London will be the main object of your Lordship's recommendation. You will call the Court's attention to the many different points of attack, and fhew what provifions fhould be made to repel the enemy. If they advance down Kent-street, on the Greenwich Road-there are Goddeffes of liberty, and Thieves, and Jack-affes, and Fishbaskets, and Cherry-panniers to protect, and of courfe it will be proper to have a battery at the Turnpike, under the conduct of the Match-lock men, and pio neers Flanagain's Plan of Defence for the City of London. 55 A few pine neers of the ancient city of Lon- meafure in hand. don. But fhould they direct pounders out of the upper ftory their line of march through Ken of Fihmonger's hall would be nington turnpike, and fo make devilish inconvenient to them, right for London Bridge-the best if they fhould attempt to pass thing your Lordship can do, will London-bridge without artillery; be to recommend all the fugar and I don't think it would be coopers in Harp lane to roll their amifs to place a few field pieces empty fugar hogheads into with a fupply of grape and canBlackman-ftreet, to be filled up nifter, under the arch way of the after the Duke of Richmond's St. Magnus's Church. The two fafhion at Tower-hill, as a COL City Marthals, under the comver, or rather a breast work, for mand of fome military deputy, the Artillery Company to fhew fhould be ftationed in Eaftcheap, their military ardour behind them. at the head of the Train bands, Belide, my Lord, as most of the in order to flank them, if they City Bucks keep their horfes in get up Fifh-street hill; and the the Borough--there is a corps of High Conftable of Weftininfter, Cavalry formed to your Lord with the Bow-ftreet runners and fhip's hand. I hardly think they the poffe comitatus, your Lordwill venture over Westminster- fhip may recommend to be placed bridge; but if they fhould, re- in fuch a pofition as cannot fait commend to the Court that the to do effectual fervice. The AlMembers of both Houses of Par- dermen may fire their blunderliament be requested to refort to buffes out of the garret windows; the Tower, and equip them- the Common Council may fcour felves, without lofs of time, with the streets below:-If, however, complete fuits of armour; and they fhould prefer marching over that, when they are drawn out Blackfriars bridge, let the Apoin battle array, all the Confta- thecaries Company give frict bles, Beadles, Watchmen, Head-orders to jallup their fmall beer. boroughs, &c. be ftationed at the Dog-and Duck, to give them timely notice of their danger. Propose that the huge Clerk at the Bank, with his fwivel before him, be placed in the gallery of the Monument to alarm them by the magnitude of his dimenfions; recommend that the Fifh-women at Billingsgate be ordered to give up all ideas of cod and ling, and become rank and file; let the I could have added fome furAttorney's Clerks rendezvous inther inftructions, but as the neBunhill-fields, armed in complete heep kin; call out all the Taylors, and oblige them to bring their bodkins; difmount the Breeches-makers from their fhop-boards; and oblige every Linen-draper to throw himself into the entrenchments with his Your Lordship muft ftate to the Court that Lord Hawkesbury, who is a friend to the measure, conceives that, if 5000 empty wine pipes, fet up on end in Sa libury-fquare, had each of them a man in it, with a mufket levelled through the bung-hole, it would rake the Frenchmen d-mnab-y in marching from St. Bride's to Temple Bar. ceffity of arming thofe over whom Your's, &c. A SPORT 56 A Sporting Anecdote. A SPORTING ANECDOTE, from, feat, Che ti poffino Gafcar le braccia vecchio dondolone! The devil MODERN TRAVELS into ITALY. A VERY fingular tale of fport, love an devotion, is thus related" I found Mr. S. waiting for me at my lodgings ; he has of late paid his court very affiduously to a lady of high rank in this place, [Rome] She is diftinguifhed, even here, for a pun&ilious obfervance of all th ceremonies appointed by the church, and could not eat meat on a meagre day, or deviate from. the canonical regulations in any point of equal importance, without remorfe; but in matters of gallantry, he has the reputation of being infinitely more liberal, both in her fentiments and ractice. She has been for fome time provided with a very able and refpectable lover, of her own country; but this did not make her blind to the good qualities of Mr. with whom the formed a very intimate connection foon after his arrival here: not that the prefers him to her other lover, but merely from a ftrong fenfe of the truth and beauty of this arithmetical axiomone and one make two. The new arrangement with our countryman, however pleafing to the lady, gave offence to her father-confeffor. The fcrupulous ecclefiaftic was of opinion, that a connection of this nature with a heretic, was more criminal than with a man of her own communion. Mr. had just come from the lady to our lodgings; he had found her in worfe humour than he had ever obferved before, Mr. entered as the confeffor went out: the shut the door after him with a violence which hook the whole houfe, muttering as the returned to her go along with you for an old ola goofe. Mr. cern on teeing her fo much agitated. No wonder," faid the, "that stubborn animilaccio, who is just gone out, has had the infolence to refufe me abfolution. As I expected you this morning, I fent for him betimes, that the matter might have been expedited before you should come; but here I have been an hour endeavouring to perfuade him, but all to no purpose: nothing I could fay was able to mollify the obftinate old greafy rafcal." expreffed his con Mr. joined in abufing the confeffors perverfenefs, hinting, at the fame time, that the ought to defpife it as a matter of little importance that he was fure of receiving abfolution fooner or later; and whenever it happen. ed, all the tranfactions of the interval would be comprehended. within that act of grace. Upon the ftrength of this reafoning, Mr. --- was proceeding to fulfill the purpose of his vifit, with as much alacrity as if the most complete discharge had been granted for all proceedings.-➖➖ Pianno, pianno, idol mio-foftly my love, faid the lady. Bifogna rimitter fi alla volunta di Dio. We must fubmit to the will of Heaven. She then told her lover, that though the defpifed the confeffor as much as he could do, yet she must take care of her own foul; that not having fettled accounts with heaven for a confiderable time, he was determined not to begin a new fcore, till the old one fhould be cleared, adding for her principal reason, patto chiaro amico caro, Short accounts make long friends. SPORTING A gentleman of Bath, a few weeks fince, took a fancy to a handsome strong made little horfe of about fourteen hands high, in the poffeffion of a farmer in the neighbourhood, and on enquiring the price, was asked twenty-five guineas. The gentleman offered twenty, which the farmer refufed and after fome ineffectual attempts to make a bargain he offered to fell him at 5d. a pound; the gentleman bid him 4d. and it was accepted. The horfe weighed 7cwt. 39rs. 23lb. which at 4d. per pound, amounted only to 14. 17s. at which price the farmer very honourably delivered him to his new mafter. One evening this month, Mr. Woodhams, of Arlington, near Lewes, placed a few-net acrofs a ftream on his farm, for the purpofe of catching fifh during the night. The next morning he was furprifed, on examining his net, at the appearance of a large hare, in company with two fine pike, and fome other fish Mr. Woodham's account for the VOL. IV. No. XIX. pany, by the circumftances of his having left fome portion of net on the bank of the river, in which he fuppofes pufs must first have entangled herfeif and in ftruggling to get loose, plunged afterwards into the water. She was dead when found, and hanging by one of her hind legs. A colt, the property of Mr. Edward lemin of Truro, in October last, fell into a fhaft four fathoms deep, where it remained for one month before it was dif covered; it was taken up alive, and unhurt, though in a very emaciated state; and from proper treatment it is now perfectly recovered, and it is alfo able to work in the field. It was impoffible that it could have received the leaft food or water whilft it was in the fhaft. Laft week as Mr. Wills, of Ulcomb, was drawing King's Wood, to unkennel a fox, he found a wookcock's neft, with four eggs, the bird then fitting. In our Magazine of laft month, page 338, is defcribed an inftance of animal adoption, in a fpaniel taking a leveret under its protection; the following is mentioned as being little lefs extraordinary. Some years fince, after a fevere run, a fox was earthed; in digging, fome cubs were found unable to fee, and of which the terrier bitch killed two; the next morning fhe was fhewn the three remaining cubs, which the immediately fuckled, and two of which the reared with as much care and fondnefs as if they had been her own whelps: what ren. ders it more remarkable, the H terrier's |