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would unanimously reject any MS. of mine with scorn, there is not one of them who would refuse the gift of a hamper filled with fine Blenheim oranges. Next year I intend to submit contributions of this kind to various editors, just to see how many will be declined with thanks'-it will be an interesting experiment.

If amateur fruit growing is not very profitable, still less is amateur farming. Luckily for ourselves we have never made any large venture in it; but this year, as we had a meadow and also a pony, we thought it would be a fine thing to make our own hay. I accordingly got hold of two native agriculturists, and asked their advice as to the best course to pursue. From their remarks I gathered that haymaking involved the employment of a great many labourers at unusually high wages and an abnormally large consumption of beer. I made some feeble efforts to bargain for a reduction of terms, but totally without avail. «Farmer Hodges, ,

, Farmer Brown, &c., always paid at the same rate, and why should I expect to be let off for less ?' This argument was unanswerable. The worst of it was that I could not by any means get my friends to state what the whole cost would amount to. It moight be a matter o' three pun', it moight be three pun' ten-it moight be four pun'—'cordin' as the weather turned out. I had some misgivings, but determined to persevere. The hay was madefortunately in splendid weather. It was successfully stacked and thatched, and then a number of small bills, made out on grimy bits of paper, were submitted to my inspection. I was considerably aghast to find that the total amounted to about 51. 108.

• Why, I could have bought the hay for the same amount,' I remarked with some warmth to the chief agriculturist. You really have charged me an unreasonable price for making it.'

Excuse me, sir,' returned my friend with an air of injured innocence, but we done nothing of the sort.

We done it for you wonderful cheap-fact, I don't know as we hasn't lost by it. We'd habeen only too glad to save you expense; but it wur a terrible job cuttin' that grass o' yourn. Why, Bill Siggins, ee says to me, ee niver had sich a job—not since ee wur a boy. Look at the way that there grass growed-all across an' contrairy loike.'

'It looked just like other grass,' I replied with acerbity; ‘at all events you have charged me a great deal, and the thing will be a clear loss to me.' 'Loss, do you think, sir ? Not a bit of it. Don't fret yerself

a about loss. Jest look at that there rick-see how big an' solid ee

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stands! Why, ee's worth ten pound this very moment, and hay'll be awful dear this winter! No, no; don't ye talk about loss!'

This was pacifying, and I settled the bills without further demur. The stack was indeed a noble object. For some time we inspected it every day, and our hearts swelled with pride as we thought of the provision we had made for the coming winter. We had paid dear for it, it was true; but then it was thoroughly good, and cne could not expect to get a really good thing cheap. Our triumph, however, was of short duration. A few days after we had begun to use the hay, our gardener and factotum came to me with a long face.

'Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but have you looked at that there 'ay lately?'

'No,' returned I, with a sudden chill of apprehension. 'Nothing happened to it, I hope?'

'Nothing's 'appened to it, sir, 'cept in the ornery course of nature. It's agone mouldy. It wur a bad lot from the beginning -niver worth the trouble o' stacking.'

'Good gracious!' I exclaimed. What do you mean?'
'Nothing but the truth, sir; go an' see for yerself.'

MY COOKS.

I CERTAINLY should not describe them as cordons bleus, with perhaps one bright exception; and yet they appear to have an interest all their own, for I find when visiting among my friends I am always drawn out' on the subject of 'My Cooks,' with a remark of this sort: Now, Arabella, dear, do tell us about your cooks. Have you any fresh cook story?' and after that, somehow, the subject of my ménage is paramount for the hour.

But where shall I begin? With my buoyant sense of importance when first setting up a kitchen of my own, and becoming the possessor of all sorts of strange culinary articles, first and foremost in my estimation was the big kettle. How gravely I had deliberated over that kettle, and even consulted the clergyman's wife, who had assisted me with much valuable advice, and assured me that the kettle must be kept carefully blacked!' Or shall I go still further back, to the good old schoolroom days when one's dear mother used sometimes to admit that she had been cookless for six weeks,' &c. &c.? And then we all set forth on a 'cook quest,' which to us children was vastly entertaining, for it meant that the pony carriage was placed at our disposal; and, under the superintendence of the governess, we visited in turns all the pleasantest country vicarages in the neighbourhood, in the hope of finding a cookout of place.' Looking back, this argues a very touching and simple faith in the clergy, ill according with the saying I have somewhere heard, 'The Almighty sent victuals, and the D-sent cooks!' But to return to my personal experience. At one time, during a temporary residence at the seaside, my husband and I determined to endure such attendance as can be expected from a general.' A strictly honest widow was engaged; and, as the poor woman led a solitary life in the kitchen, I felt bound to enliven her existence by more conversation than one generally bestows below stairs. Never shall I forget the first occasion when the widow brought our café noir to us after dinner.

Lor! just like me and me 'usband,' was her ejaculation as she set down the tray between us; and I soon found that I should hear quite enough of 'me 'usband.' I learnt to abstain from remarking on the weather; for, if it were fine, the widow would

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say: Jist sech a day as this me 'usband died; it took twenty men. to carry 'im to 'is grave.' If wet, 'me 'usband' had caught his last chill on 'jist sech another day;' and at last I had to exclude that bond of union between all classes, known to some as 'passing the weather,' from our conversation. Great preparations were made for my mother's first visit. My factotum implored that she might be accompanied by a footman during her visit rather than a lady's maid; she declared that she could not wait, nohow, on a lady who was used to her footman.' Experience taught me subsequently that the good woman was slightly 'gone' on any male youth from a knife-boy upwards, and was never so happy as when waiting on them! The old proverb, 'Familiarity breeds contempt,' was brought home to me by my domestic. During the course of her visit, my mother, in her usual gracious way, had been to see the kitchen and its occupant, who remarked to me next morning, 'Lor, ma'am, what a fine woman your mother is; I never expected to see such a tall, 'andsome lady, and you so small!' Surely she was as good for my vanity as a bevy of schoolboy brothers! She had particularly asked for 'church privileges,' earnestly seconded by the kindly rector, who vouched for her spiritual training and good character. But as regularly as Sunday came round, and my husband and I were seated at a meagre breakfast, meagre on purpose to extend these church privileges' to 'the servant,' she would poke her head in at the door with 'Please, ma'am, is there any necessity for me to go to church this morning?' I insisted that she should go, and added that Lady Sophia, the rector's wife, particularly desired that she should do so. On her return, noticing how much better and brighter she looked, I ventured to remark on the evident benefit of the religious service. Lor, ma'am, yes; why, I came across Sister Sophia-no Lady Sophia I means-I knew Sister Sophia in th' 'orspital, and she made her obeisance to me so pretty like.'

With a change of residence, I changed my establishment, and thought I would embark on a younger servant, who could not remark, 'Well, ma'am, you see I'm twice your age, so I think I ought to know,' and yet, perhaps, within the hour disturb me, no matter what I was doing, to come and ornament the pie crust for her, for, lor, ma'am, you see as 'ow I never can cut it pretty like, for I was never larned drawing at school.'

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Young, old, stout, short, they seldom knew much of their trade one aspirant for the 'place' owned that she considered she

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was a very fair hand at making 'melted butter.' I felt the want of variety in our diet would oblige me to decline this professor. Another, unused to the country, and, like Gilpin's wife, of a frugal mind,' took great pains in dressing a hare, which when brought to the table provoked peals of laughter. The head was quite pale, and neatly surrounded by a wreath of fresh parsley; the air of dejection about the poor animal was indescribable. On inquiry, it transpired that the cook had boiled the head to assist the soup, and had carefully sewed it on again; the parsley was to hide the join. Her sense of economy having further interpreted a giblet pie as a medley of webbed feet and beaks under a good crust, resulted in an abrupt departure.

It is strange how amusing a dish can look if dressed in the wrong way, and how few people can detect what is wrong. We are accustomed to see hares and rabbits come to table with their heads on; but have you ever seen a duck come to table in the altogether'? My German cook thus dressed her first English duck, and for some minutes we wondered what was unusual!

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That German was a delight; her cookery was often vile, but she was amusing. Her first efforts at pastry-making were lamentable. Margarete, what was the matter with the apple tart? The crust was like a stone.' 'Oh, madame, I vorrked so harrd; I said to myself, now ze harrder I vorrk, ze better it will be, so I rolled and I rolled, and I used all my strengzt, and now it is von stone!'

One morning Margarete bounces into my room, and bursts out in an injured voice, Madame, does our coachman belong to my towel?' At last I discover that she refers to the round towel in the scullery, on which the offender had wiped his hands in passing. She was always willing, always ready to work, especially if the work were not in her department; and when something in the kitchen stove had 'caught,' diffusing its odour throughout the house, denoting that Margarete was absent from her realm, often on these occasions she has been discovered polishing the drawingroom windows, or the silver, or doing something indoors or out that she was not required to do, and that was somebody else's business. It always occurred to her to have a grand turn out' when guests were present. I believe she gloried in making a great show of her work, and kept it and the sweep' consistently for 'company,' just to demonstrate to them how a house has to be kept going, and her capacity for doing things. The festivals of