Whofe Science, like a Jugler's Box and Balls,
Conveys, and counterchanges true and false;
Cafts Mifts before an Audience's Eyes,
To pass the one for th' other in Disguise;
And like a Morrice-dancer dreft with Bells,
Only to ferve for Noife, and nothing else,
Such as a Carrier makes his Cattle wear,
And hangs for Pendents in a Horse's Ear;
For, if the Language will but bear the Teft,
No Matter what becomes of all the rest:
The ableft Orator, to fave a Word,

Would throw all Senfe and Reason overboard.
Hence 'tis, that nothing else but Eloquence
Is ty'd to fuch a prodigal Expence;

That lays out half the Wit and Sense it ufes
Upon the other half's as vain excufes :
For all Defences and Apologies

Are but Specifics t' other Frauds and Lies;
And th' artificial Wafh of Eloquence

Is daub'd in vain upon the clearest Sense,
Only to stain the native Ingenuity

Of equal Brevity and Perfpicuity:

Whilst all the best and sob'rest Things he does Are when he coughs, or fpits, or blows his

Nofe;

Handles no Point fo evident, and clear,

Befides his white Gloves) as his Handkercher,

Unfolds the niceft Scruple so diftinct,
As if his Talent had been wrapt up in't
Unthriftily, and now he went about
Henceforward to improve, and put it out:

The Pedants are a mungrel Breed, that fojourn

Among the ancient Writers and the modern;
And, while their Studies are between the one
And th' other spent, have nothing of their own;
Like Spunges, are both Plants and Animals,
And equally to both their natures falfe.

For whether 'tis their want of Conversation
Inclines them to all Sorts of Affectation,
Their fedentary Life and Melancholy,
The everlasting Nursery of Folly;

Their poring upon black and white too fubt'ly Has turn'd the Infides of their Brains to motly, Or fquand'ring of their Wits and Time upon Too many Things has made them fit for none; Their constant overstraining of the Mind Distorts the Brain, as Horfes break their Wind, Or rude Confufions of the Things they read Get up, like noxious Vapours, in the Head, Until they have their conftant Wanes and Fulls, And Changes in the Infides of their Skulls :

Or venturing beyond the Reach of Wit
Has render'd them for all Things else unfit;
But never bring the World and Books together,
And therefore never rightly judge of either;
Whence Multitudes of reverend Men and Critica
Have got a kind of intellectual Rickets,
And by th' immoderate Excess of Study
Have found the fickly Head t' outgrow the Body.
For Pedantry is but a Corn, or Wart
Bred in the Skin of Judgment, Sense, and Art,
A ftupified Excrefcence, like a Wen,
Fed by the peccant Humours of learn'd Men,
That never grows from natural Defects
Of downright and untutor'd Intellects,
But from the over-curious and vain
Distempers of an artificial Brain-

So he, that once ftood for the learnedst Man, Had read out Little-Britain and Duck-Lane, Worn out his Reason, and reduc'd his Body, And Brain to nothing with perpetual Study; Kept Tutors of all Sorts, and Virtuofos,

To read all Authors to him with their Gloffes, And made his Lacqueys, when he walk'd, bear Folios

Of Dictionaries, Lexicons, and Scholias,

be that once flood for the learnedft Man.] I fhall only just remark that our Satyrift very probably intended in this Character te Selden. It is applicable. enough to a Scholar of his Clafs ;

To be read to him, every Way the Wind
Should chance to fit, before him or behind;
Had read out all th' imaginary Duels,

That had been fought by Confonants and Vowels;
Had crackt his Skull, to find out proper Places,
To lay up all Memoirs of Things in Cases ;
And practis'd all the Tricks upon the Charts,
To play with Packs of Sciences and Arts,
That serve t' improve a feeble Gamester's Study,
That ventures at grammatic Beaf, or Noddy;
Had read out all the Catalogues of Wares,
That come in dry Fats o'er from Francfort Fairs,
Whofe Authors use t'articulate their Sirnames
With Scraps of Greek more learned than the
Germans ;

Was wont to scatter Books in ev'ry Room,
Where they might best be seen by all that come
And lay a Train, that nat'rally thou'd force
What he defign'd, as if it fell of courfe;

And all this with a worfe Succefs than Cardan,
Who bought both Books and Learning at a
Bargain,

When lighting on a philofophic Spell,
Of which he never knew one Syllable,
Prefto be gone, h'unriddled all he read,
As if he had to nothing else been bred.

and though they were once Friends, yet they afterwards quarrel'd; and I find feveral other little Strictures upon him in his Commonplace Book.

Miscellaneous Thoughts.

A

LL Men's Intrigues and Projects tend
By fev'ral Courses to one End,

To compass by the prop'rest Shows,
Whatever their Designs propose;

And that which owns the fair'st Pretext
Is often found the indirect❜ft.

Hence 'tis, that Hypocrites ftill paint
Much fairer, than the real Saint,
And Knaves appear more just and true,
Than honest Men, that make less Shew:
The dullest Idiots in Disguise

Appear more knowing than the wife;

This, and the other little Sketches that follow, were among many of the fame kind fairly wrote out by Butler in a fort of poetical Thefaurus, which I have before mentioned. Whether he intended ever to publifh any of them, as feparate diftin&t Thoughts, or to interweave them into fome future Compofitions, a Thing very ufual with him, cannot be ascertained; nor is it, indeed, very material to those who are fond of his Manner of thinking and writing. I have ventured to give them the Title of Mifcellaneous Thoughts; but I have not been over curious in placing them in any methodical order. Out of this Magazine he communicated to Mr. Aubrey that genuine Fragment printed in his Life, beginning

No Jefuit e'er took in Hand

To plant a Church in harren Land ;
Nor ever thought it worth the while
A Swede or Rufs to reconcile, &c.