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Ant. It doth not fit me. Hold, Sir, here's my purse;
Seb. Why I your purse ?
Ant. Haply, your eyes shall light upon some toy
Seb. I'll be your purse-bearer, and leave you fox
Ant. To the Elephant.-
[Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Olivia's Garden.
Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.
Mar. He's coming, Madam;
Oli. Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
Mar. No, Madam,
Oli. Go call him hither.-I'm as mad as he,
[Smiles fantastically. Oli. Smil'st thou ? I sent for thee upon a sadt occasion.
Mal. Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; But what of that, if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is: Please one, and please all.
Oli. Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee ?
Mal. Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs: It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think, we do know the sweet Roman hand.
Oli. Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio ?
Oli. God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and kiss thy band so oft ? * Crave and demure.
Mar. How do you, Malvolio ?
Mar. Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
Mal. Be not afraid of greatness :—'Twas well writ,
Enter Servant. Ser. Madam, the young gentleman of the count Orsino's is returned; I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's pleasure.
Oli. I'll come to him. [Exit Servant.] Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. [Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA.
Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now ? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. Cast thy humble slough, says she; be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants,-let thy tongue tang with arguments of state,-put thyself into the trick of singularity; and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the babit of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her ;t but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And, when she went away now, Let this fellow be looked to : Fellow ! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, everything adheres together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance.-What can be said ? Nothing, than can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN. Sir To. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils in hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
* Hot weather madness.
Fab. Here he is, here he is :-How is't with you, Sir? how is't with you, man ?
Mal. Go off; I discard you; let me enjoy my private;. go off.
Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you ?-Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.
Mal. Ah, ha! does she so ?
Sir To. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio ? how is't with you ? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
Mal. Do you know what you say?
Mar. La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched !
Fab. Carry his water to the wise woman.
Mar. Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
Mal. How now, mistress ?
Sir To. Pr’ythee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: Do you not see you move him ? let me alone with him.
Fab. No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used.
Sir To. Why, how now, my bawcock ? * how dost thou, chuck ? Mal. Sir?
Sir To. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man ! 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pitt with Satan: Hang him, foul collier ! I
Mar. Get him to say his prayers; good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
Mal. My prayers, minx ?
Mal. Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element; you shall know more hereafter.
[Erit. Sir To. Is't possible?
Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.
Sir To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device,
Sir To. Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time, we will bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.
Enter SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Fab. More matter for a May morning.
* Jolly cock, beau and col.
+ A play among boys.
Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't. Fab. Is't so saucy ? Sir And. Ay, is it, I warrant him: do but read.
Sir To. Give me.[Reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.
Fab. Good and valiant.
Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason fort.
Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law.
Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly : but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for.
Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good senseless.
Sir To. I will way-lay thee going home; where, if it be thy chance to kill me, Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: Good.
Sir To. Fare thee well : And God have mercy upon one of our souls ! He may have mercy upon mine ; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy.
ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't him.
Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by-and-by depart.
Sir To. Go, Sir Andrew, scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing.
[Exit. Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, þeing, so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth, he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, Sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman (as, I know, his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Enter OLIVIA and VIOLA. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till be take leave, and presently after him.
Sir To. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt SIR TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA
Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone,
And laid mine honour too unchary* out:
Vio. With the same 'haviour that your passion bears,
Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Vio. Nothing but this, your true love for my master.
Oli. Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well;
[Exit. Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN. Sir To. Gentleman, God save thee. Dio. And you, Sir.
Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake_thee to’t: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck;t be yaref in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly.
Vio. You mistake, Sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.
Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you : therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal.
Vio. I pray you, Sir, what is he?
Sir To. He is a knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three: and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, nob, is his word; give’t, or take't.
Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely, on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk.Ş
Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury, therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. * Uncautiously.
+ Rapier. * Ready.