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mending. They say, the lady is fair; 'tis a truth I can bear them witness: and virtuous ;-'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving me:-By my troth, it is no addition to her wit ; nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her.-I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage: -But doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age: Shall quips and sentences, and these paper bullets of the brain, awe a man from the career of his humour ? No: The world must be peopled: When I said, I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice: By this day, she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in her.
Enter BEATRICE. Beat. Against my will, I am sent to bid you come in to dinner. Bene. Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
Beat. I took no more pains for those thanks, than you take pains to thank me; if it had been painful, I would not have
Bene. You take pleasure in the message. ** Beat. Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's point, and choke a daw withal.--You have no stomach, signior, fare you well.
[Exit. Bene. Ha! Against my will I am sent to bid you come to dinner-there's a double meaning in that. I took no more pains for those thanks, than you took pains to thank me—that's as much as to say, Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks :-If I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a Jew: I will go get her picture.
SCENE I.-LEONATO's Garden.
Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA.
Hero. Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
Enter BEATRICE, behind.
Urs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
Hero. Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
[They advance to the bower.
Urs. But are you sure
Hero. They did entreat me to acquaint her of it:
Urs. Why did you so ? Doth not the gentleman
Hero. O God of love! I know, he doth deserve
Urs. Sure, I think so;
Hero. Why, you speak truth : I never yet saw man,
She'd swear, the gentleman should be her sister.
Urs. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
Hero. No, not to be so odd, and from all fashions,
press me to death with wit.
Urs. Yet tell her of it; hear what she will say.
Hero. No; rather I will go to Benedick,
Urs. O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
Herc. He is the only man of Italy,
Urs. I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
Hero. Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
Hero. Why, every day ;-to-morrow : Come, go in; I'll show thee some attires; and have thy counsel, Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
Urs. She's limed, I warrant you; we have caught her, madam.
Hero. If it prove so, then loving goes by haps : Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
[Exeunt HERO and URSULA.
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much ?
# Ensnared with birdlime.
And Benedick, love on, I will requite thee;
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand;
To bind our loves up in a holy band :
[Exit. SCENE II.- A Room in LEONATO's House. Enter Don PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO. D. Pedro. I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then I go toward Arragon.
Claud. I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe mc. D. Pedro. Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat, and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth; he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bow-string, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him: he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks.
Bene. Gallants, I am not as I have been.
Claud. I hope he be in love. D. Pedro. Hang him, truant; there's no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touch'd with love: If he be sad, he wants money.
Bene. I have the toothache.
D. Pedro. There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises ; as, to be a Dutchman to-day; a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as, a German from the waist downward, all
slops ;* and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet: Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
Claud. If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: he brushes his hat o' mornings; What should that bode ?
D. Pedro. Hath any man seen him at the barber's ?
Claud. No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him ; and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennisballs.
Leon. Indeed, he looks younger than he did by the loss of a beard.
D. Pedro. Nay, he rubs himself with civet: Can you smell him out by that?
* Large loose breeches.
Claud. That's as much as to say the sweet youth's in love.
D. Pedro. Yea, or to paint himself? for the which I hear what they say of him.
Claud. Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lutestring, and now governed by stops.
D. Pedro. Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: Conclude, conclude, he is in love.
Claud. Nay, but I know who loves him. D. Pedro. That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.
Claud. Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of all, dies for him.
D. Pedro. She shall be buried with her face upwards.
Bene. Yet is this no charm for the tooth-ache.-Old signior, walk aside with me; I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.
[Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO. D. Pedro. For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
Claud, "Tis even so: Hero and Margaret have, by this, played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
Enter DON JOHN.
D. Pedro. What's the matter?
[To CLAUDIO. D. Pedro. You know he does. D. John. I know not that, when he knows what I know. Claud. If there be any impediment, I pray you, discover it. D. John. You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest: For my brother, I think he holds you well; and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage : surely, suit ill spent, and labour ill bestowed !
D. Pedro. Why, what's the matter ?
D. John. I came hither to tell you : and, circumstances shortened (for she hath been too long a talking of), the lady is disloyal.
Claud. Who? Hero ? D. John. Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero.
Claud. Disloyal ?
D. John. The word is too good to paint out her wickedness ;. I could say, she were worse; think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me