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an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy !-Eleven o'clock the hour- I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it'; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold ! cuckold! cuckold !
Caius. By gar,
Enter CAIUS and RUGBY.
Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
he has save his soul, dat he is no come: he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came.
Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him.
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE.
Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Æsculapius ? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? 'is he dead ?
Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face.
Host. Thou art a Castilian, king-urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!
Caius. I pray you, bear vitness, that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions: is it not true, master Page ?
Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one : though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.
Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow.
Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor.
Host. Pardon, guest justice:- A word, monsieur Muckwater.
Caius. Muck-vater; vat is dat.
Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman :- Scurvy jack-dog priest; by gar, me vil cut
Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.
Host. And moreover, bully, —But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields : will it do well?
Shal. We will do it.
[Exeunt Page, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.
Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well ?
Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
SCENE I. A Field near Frogmore.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.
Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park ward, every Fay; old Windsor
and every way but the town way. Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that wау.
Sim. I will, sir.
Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind !-I shall be glad, if he have deceived me:—how melancholies I am ! -I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, when I have good opportunities for the 'ork :- 'pless my soul!
Melodious birds sing madrigals ; —
To shallow rivers, to whose falls —
Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
Eva. Pray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.
Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Shal. What! the sword and the word ! do you study them both, master parson?
Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day?
Eva. There is reasons and causes for it.
Page. We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
Eva. Fery well: What is it?
Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, be like, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.
Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Eva. What is he?
Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius the renowned French physician.
Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you
would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, - and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page!
Shal. It appears so, by his weapons :— Keep them asunder; here comes doctor Caius.
Enter Host, Caius, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor.
Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.
Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your
Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time.
Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humors; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :- I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments.
Caius. Diable ! - Jack Rugby, mine Host de Jarterre, -have I not stay for him to kill him ? have I not, at de place I did appoint ? Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look
this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer.
Caius. Ay, dat is very good ! excellent !
Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic ? am I subtle ? am I a Machiavel ? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. — Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so.
Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.
— Come, lay their swords to pawn: - Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow.
Shal. Trust me, a mad host :-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt SHAL. SLEN. PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha!
Eva. This is well: he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our