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NYM. With both the humours, I:
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
And his soft couch defile. NYM. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page* to deal with poison ; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of minea is dangerous: that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on.
SCENE IV.-A Room in Dr. Caius's House.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and Rugby. QUICK. What; John Rugby !-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old b abusing of God's patience, and the king's English.
RUG. I'll go watch.
QUICK. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit RUGBY.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault ;—but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
SIM. Ay, for fault of a better.
QUICK. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife ?
SIM. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard ; a Cain-coloured beard.(6)
QUICK. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
SIM. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
QUICK. How say you ?-0, I should remember him ; does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait ?
SIM. Yes, indeed, does he.
(*) First folio, Ford.
(+) First folio, Page. * For the revolt of mine-] The poet probably wrote this revolt of mine.” Steevens proposed to read “the revolt of mien,” but the change is no improvement. In “Henry V." Act II. Sc. 2, we have:
“ For this rerolt of thine, methinks, is like
Another fall of man." An old abusing-] An old, i.e. a famous, a rare, a plentiful abusing. e As tall a man of his hands,-) That is, as able, or bold a man of his hands. Florio translates Manesco, readie or nimble-handed, a tall man of his hands.
master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish
Re-enter RUGBY. RUG. Out, alas ! here comes my master.
QUICK. We shall all be shent: a run in here, good young man ; go into this closet. [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.] He will not stay long.
- What, John Rugby! John! what, John! I say !-Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes not home :—and down, down, adown a, &c.
[Sings. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak ? a green-a box.
QUICK. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been hornmad.
[Aside. CAIUS. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la Cour,-la grande affaire.
QUICK. Is it this, sir?
Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depêche, quickly: vere is dat knave Rugby?
QUICK. What, John Rugby! John!
Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack c Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.
Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long :-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
QUICK. Ay me! he 'll find the young man there, and be mad.
CAIUS. O diable, diable ! vat is in my closet ?— Villainy! larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier.
QUICK. Good master, be content.
Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet ? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
QUICK. I beseech you, be not so flegmatick; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh.
CAIUS. Vell ?
» Shent:7 Shent here means undone, ruined.
b Il fait fort chaud, &c.] The printers of the folio make sorry work of both French and Latin ; there the above reads, il fait for chando, Ie man voi a le Court, &c.
c And you are Jack Rugby :] The Doctor had been long enough in England to learn that Jack was another name for kenare.
d Verefore, &c.] The old text, which here reads wherefore, is not consistent in its mode of rendering the Doctor's broken English; but, in common with all modern editions, we render it uniform throughout.
Caius. Peace-a your tongue:-speak-a your tale.
SIM. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage.
QUICK. This is all, indeed, la ; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not.
CAIUS. Sir Hugh send-a you ?—Rugby, baillez me some paper : tarry you a little-a while.
[ Writes. QUICK. I am glad he is so quiet : if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy ;-but notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, -I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself;—
SIM. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand.
QUICK. Are you aviseda o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late ;—but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear, I would have no words of it;) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that,-I know Anne's mind,—that's neither here nor there.
CAIUs. You jack’nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make: you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: by gar, I vill cut all his two stones ; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog.
. [Exit SIMPLE. QUICK. Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
CAIUs. It is no matter-a vor dat:-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon: by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.
QUICK. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate : what, the good-year!
Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me ;-by gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door :-follow my heels, Rugby.
[Ěxeunt Caius and RUGBY. QUICK. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven,
FENT. [Without.] Who's within there? ho!
s Are you avised o' that:1 A household phrase at one time, equivalent to, Have you found out that? Has it occurred to you o 0, you think so, do you? Thus, in "The Isle of Gulls," Act II. Sc. 1 :
“Hip. And in good earnest wee are not father'd much amisse.
VIST. Are you avis'd of that?"
FENT. What news ? how does pretty mistress Anne?
QUICK. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle ; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
FENT. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
QUICK. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you :-have not your worship a wart above your eye?
FENT. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
QUICK. Well, thereby hangs a tale ;-good faith, it is such another Nan ;-but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread :-we had an hour's talk of that wart ;-I shall never laugh but in that maid's company !-But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing: but for you-well, go to.
FENT. Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me
QUICK. Will I ? i' faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
FENT. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
QUICK. Farewell to your worship. [Exit FENTON.] Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does : out upon't! what have I forgot! [Exit.
time is: PAGE. finter Mist
SCENE I.—Before Page's House.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter. MRS. PAGE. What! have I * 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see:
[Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his physician,a he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy; you are merry, so am I; ha! ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy ? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. I
(*) First folio omits, I. .-though love use reason for his physician,-) Old copies, precisian. The emendation, which has been ascribed to Johnson, is really Theobald's (see Nichols's Illustrations, Vol. II. p. 274). Supported by the line,
“My reason, the physician to my love," in our author's 147th Sonnet, it should have found a place in every modern edition.
will not say, pity me, 't is not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me,
Thine own true knight,
John Falstaff. What a Herod of Jewry is this ?-0 wicked, wicked, world !-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company !—What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of fat men,a How shall I be revenged on him ? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Enter MISTRESS FORD. MRS. FORD. Mistress Page ! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you: you look very ill.
MRS. FORD. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.
Mrs. PAGE. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind.
MRS. FORD. Well, I do then ; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: 0, mistress Page, give me some counsel !
MRS. PAGE. What's the matter, woman?
MRS. FORD. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour !
Mrs. PAGE. Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour: What is it? dispense with trifles; what is it?
MRS. FORD. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or So, I could be knighted.
MRS. PAGE. What?—thou liest !—Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack ;b and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.
Mrs. FORD. We burn day-light: here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking :c and yet he would not swear ; praised * women's modesty: and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words : but they
(*) Old text, praise. · For the putting down of fat men.) Theobald first inserted fat, and the correction seems warranted by the context, as well as by the parallel passage of the early quarto:"Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I live, for his sake."
These knights will hack;] Nothing like a satisfactory explanation of this passage has yet been given. It is generally understood to be an allusion to the extravagant creation of knights by James I. in the early part of his reign. “These knights will become hackneyed, " &c.; but there must be in it a meaning more pertinent than this.
Of men's liking :) Of men's condition of body. Good, or well-liking, meant plump, in good plight; ill-liking, the reverse.