over,) I confess I was puzzled to understand it; it seemed to me too serious to laugh at, and yet too improbable to believe. It did not convince me, and, as Dr. Owen justly said to one of his churchwardens at St. Olaves, "I comprehended no more of the matter than 66 a beadle's mace." Fashion being Protean, and existing under a variety of forms, has thereby given rise to a variety of opinions; but these opinions bearing merely on its form---such as the character of a hat, the position of a tie, the complexion of a glove, the longitude of a watch-ribbon, the latitude of a whisker, &c., &c., were by no means questions on its nature. What is fashion? If my reader should unluckily be ignorant on this point, I will attempt the instructive, and give the best definition of it in my power.---Fashion may be considered worldly religion; and with people of breeding signifies the temporal faith, in contradistinction to the spiritual. Every gentleman puts his trust in it, therefore, either in the proportion of the gentility of his education, or the strength of his finances. Fashion has its high priests; these are professionally termed, Exclusives; and in conducting the rites and ceremonies of its worship, are found to be generally men well adapted to their office from birth and education, in their peculiar propensities, appropriate acquirements, long course of study and experience, and sometimes genius. It must be said of these people, that they are more practical than many priests, for they do not expound the faith so much to the "world" by words, as they inculcate admirable lessons in their actions and appearances. Fashion has its places of assembly in town, such as the Opera, Almack's, and the Park in particular, and some others in general. Fashion, like other faiths, has also its seasons of the year for the meeting and dispersing of its votaries, as also for sending them abroad on a pilgrimage, or rusticating them at home on a penance. London is their point of concentration. Any reader, that is at all imaginative, may carry the simile on in his "mind's eye," and suggest a comparison with Mecca, Jerusalem, &c., &c. Mankind, with respect to fashion, are divided, I consider, as with all other faiths, into two great classes, which may be thus denominated---orthodox, or fashionable; heterodox, or antifashionable. The oxthodox are sub-divided into numerous sects, agreeing on general principles, but at variance on particular points: these may be designed, firstly, the supreme, or ultras; secondly, the medium, or respectables; thirdly, and lastly, the subordinate, or people in business. The heterodox may also be distinguished into three species, very different from each other, namely, sceptical malcontents, schismatic odd-bodies, and heretical vulgarians; to each of which fashion awards a proportionate punishment, for their crime; as, for instance-to the first, the pains of indifference; to the second, the tortures of ridicule; and to the last, the signal doom of excommunication. Having thus given a concise but sufficient outline of what is generally signified by the term, fashion, to enter into a minute de tail, or to enlarge further on what I have said, would be uninteresting, and apart from my purpose.-- Now in my character, as an observer of society, and one whose avowed intention, moreover, it is to publish his observations for the benefit of his fellow-creatures, it certainly is an important point to the public, that before I promulgate my opinions to the world at large respecting them, I should first declare my principles of fashionable belief. My reader, therefore, may with justice demand of me," Are you, sir, Little Unknown' orthodox, "or heterodox?"---To this, to reply candidly, I must say heterodox; for though possessing from nature a pure orthodoxical inclination, yet having derived from education, a style of thinking and judging, somewhat at variance with the "true belief," this occasions a daily contention of my wishes and my judgment, and I am unluckily thrown back into the anti-fashionable class, from the mastery which the latter is in the habit of getting over the former. Yet being neither a heretical vulgarian, nor a schismatic odd-body, my character perhaps approaches closer to that of a sceptical malcontent; but as that sounds too invidious for an agreeable and well-disposed personage like myself, I beg rather to assume the more appropriate title of a free-thinker. My reader will perceive the advantage in this, for as I have an admiration feelingly alive to all that is meritorious in fashion, so I have a few vulgar prejudices mingled with it, in the same mind, that are equally observant of all that is extravagant and extraordinary. With this explanation of my principles in regarding society, my reader will be better able to judge of me correctly, when I afford to the future pages of the Inspector, my monthly contribution of Metropolitan Sketches. And now for my observation of the world in the year 1827.— Fashion, it is said, is fond of proceeding to extremes; as in the present day, for instance, to the head and feet, a great deal of interesting conversation is engrossed daily upon subjects relating to them; for the first, namely, butterboat hats, bear's grease, phrenology, semicircular noses, and quadrangular whiskers; in the latter respect I may designate such as the best blacking, clogs, corn-plaisters, and the difference of public effect in a pointed or square toe. The observation above-mentioned is a just one, for when taking hold of a very medium object indeed, namely, the waist, fashion cannot help running into extremes with it. Most people are inclined to consider the waist as a less important part, or rather as occupying a less honorable situation in the human anatomy, than either head or heels, for the mere reason, I believe, because it comes less frequently into use or assistance; this may negative its utility, but, in my opinion, does not derogate from its consequence. The waist is certainly but part of a machine which is governed by one, and moved about by the other of the before-mentioned extremities; and yet what would be the utility of either head or heels without it, if it was not for the isthmus of the waist, which connects the continent of the body to a pair of peninsular legs? Now, in the opinion of a mathematician, the waist must certainly be considered the most honorable part of the body, being the centre, and the position, therefore, from which he would take a definition of the same, and ascertain the exact diameter and circumference of the person, with the number of superficial inches it affords; nay, I am induced to think that if the truth were known, Dame Nature, in our formation, begins at the middle, and works away to the extremities, clapping on a head to the animal trunk at one end, and fitting him (by way of appendage) with a pair of perambulatory instruments at the other. Having thus spoken of the waist in a light of honor and utility, I will maintain it in another, where its claims to attention will be even more attractive— that of beauty. In what does the whole beauty of the human form concentrate but the waist? It is the standard by which personal symmetry is determined. I question whether as clever a man as Čanova could have carved a good looking man or woman without one. The women are aware of its beauty in themselves, else there never would have been such an invention as stays: and we are aware of its beauty in them as well, for though fine eyes are with me indispensable in a female, yet I must confess, that with my arm encircling a very pretty waist, I should overlook thick ancles altogether. Now, in my opinion, were there many such human Mammoths as Mrs. Million in existence (the periphery of whose waist, I have it from a most authentic source, exceeds that of a noble duke's shoulders), the ladies, from very shame and vexation of heart, would pine away and be buried, and ultimately occasion a scarcity of an article, that from Adam, or rather Eve, downwards, to use a trade term, has never yet" failed its supply." But, as respects the gentlemen, with whom my pages are on this occasion more particularly concerned: Supposing it had pleased Divine Providence to have afflicted the earth with a race of such satirès on humanity as the deceased Jack Johnson, whose waist was of an even thickness with his chest, and respecting whose figure Sir Joseph Bankes once remarked, that "if a person were to measure across his shoulders and hips, and then "the distance from his hip joints to his shoulder blades, he would "describe an excellent oblong"-I say, that if the order of nature could be so outraged as to admit the existence of a race of such unchristianlike animals, that any man under such circumstances, who at all held the dignity and fair proportion of the human form in estimation, might at such time covet death with propriety, and strap his razors. On the three points, therefore, of beauty, honor, and utility, I should think that it must now be as apparent to my reader as myself, that the waist is a proper object of regard; and if so, he has at once my reason, why in my present view of society I have selected it as the subject of the few ensuing observations. 66 To a spectator of the world like myself, and a lover of consistency, or to a man of small wardrobe, and "not much of monies "otherwise unappropriated," as they say in Parliament, it has been both surprising and painful to contemplate within this last twelvemonth the very great lengths to which gentlemen go in their waists; more recently indicated in the persons of several individuals returned from the French capital, and daily to be observed in those of the "Arcadians" who perambulate that delightful passage from Oxford Street to Burlington Street every afternoon, either in want of an appetite, or in want of a dinner, say between the hours of four and five. Now it must be remembered, that about five years ago it was the fashion to have the waist extremely concise (brevity rather than extension then being in vogue), the buttons at the upper orifices of the pockets being very little below the lower extremity of the shoulder blade. Now as mutation is the characteristic of fashion, we were not to expect that things would always remain at that altitude; and indeed we wished not, as a correct admirer of the human anatomy had a special objection to it, inasmuch as it did away in appearance with the generally accredited fact, that a man had a middle. But then, as christians and lovers of consistency, we were not to anticipate that such a revulsion would take place in the system of dress as to drop the waist immediately down to its present extremity. On this occasion, well might that so so genius, Mr. Stultz, have jumped up on his shopboard, and brandishing a yard gracefully as he looked down upon a surrounding band of the knights of the needle, have exclaimed in fine tone and gesture, "Oh what a fall was there, my brethren !" Now in the Roman times, Horace observing similar incon sistencies no doubt in style, very justly has observed, est modus in rebus-all things are to be measured-sunt certi denique finesnothing ought to be too long-quos ultra citraque-either above or below-nequit consistere rectum-if you wish to be right. Which language, as it is in direct reference to the point at issue, is a strong confirmation of my own opinion, particularly when we consider that Horace was the Chesterfield of the Augustan age; and that his advice above quoted is sufficiently technical for any tailor of the present day to understand. Now I am no such enemy to change as was Peruvian Rolla; but, on the contrary, am of opinion that in many cases change is both salutary and commendable. As, for instance, change of air for the sick, change of manners for the dissolute, change of faith for unbelievers, change of names for single ladies, and change of sides for politicians. It is a pleasing change for a worm to become a butterfly, and for a Radical to turn placeman, and during the late pecuniary commotion to turn paper into gold; but, as regards the point in question, I must confess that the change has displeased me from its improper expedition, and it certainly appears to me both a novel and a poor way to remedy one evil, by running into another, although I admit that this is the inferior evil of the two. It is the chief value of old pictures that they convey to posterity the fashionable history of their times, whether for the purpose of being imitated or avoided. Every body knows the long prim formal garments in which we are accustomed to behold the portraits of our ancestry. Now with the filial reverence which we entertain towards our departed sires, we mingle one unconsciously to the garb that enclothed them, and the long-waisted coat, the peculiar mark of past ages, is held sacred in this respect in the eyes of all honest men. Such, therefore, is the beautiful reverence one is led to attach to this fashion of antiquity, that I am surprised any man could dare (except on the stage, where Socrates himself was calumniated) think of violating decorum so far, as to appear in public, in the present day, in one of those patriarchal dresses. Doomed as we are never more to gaze on our departed ancestry, and accustomed to associate their appearance with the worth and intelligence which so eminently distinguished them, I must own that it offends me to be reminded of them in so palpable a manner by the degenerate moderns. The present fashion, therefore, consists in "reviving, with alter"ations and additions," to use the theatrical phraseology, the longwaisted coats, that peculiar characteristic of times long past. Now could we, upon any principle of justice, do away with the reverence already mentioned, one is necessitated to entertain towards the longitudinal proportion of that garment-could we, I say, upon any plea of taste or suggestion of comfort, be authorized in resuscitating that mode, still I think that to effect so important a revolution in style, a proper time should be taken. It was a theory of Mr. Hume's, and one that merits attention from its applicability to the point at issue, that every thing in this world connected with the affairs of men, had its point of exaltation and depression, and that, as every thing is in a constant state of motion, the system of human things is to keep working up to its point of exaltation; which having touched, it returned and gradually degraded as it rose, till it reached its nethermost limit, the point of depression, when a re-action took place upwards again, and so on. Now, as regards the waist, the point of exaltation must be considered the armpits, and the point of depression the hips. Therefore it is plain, that if in the year 1720, the fashion existed with our ancestors to wear the long-waisted coats, when the waist lay at nadir, the hips, and if it took a full century in its motion upwards to reach its zenith, the shoulders, in the year 1820, that, in the slight lapse of six years, it should have effected its retrograde movement, and regained the point of depression, or nadir, where it at present rests, is a fact that entirely subverts every rule and principle of that system of order which Pope so beautifully describes in his "Essay on Man," as applying to man and his concerns in particular, and all things in general. EPIGRAM ON THE DEATH OF ONE OF THE FAMILY OF VITULÆ (ANGLICE, CALF) WHO WAS NOT REMARKABLE FOR HIS ABILITIES. O Deus Omnipotens! Vitulæ miserere Johannis, |